I Need advice please...after pregnancy!?

Question

I am 31 years old, I just had a beautiful son last week. My pre-pregnant weight was 110lbs now im at 132 after giving birth. Even though I am lucky not to have gained so much , I still feel down due to the fact that im not used to weighing this much. My husband made a comment about my stomach not been as firm as before. I confronted him 5 times and told him he was v ery insensitive , he said he really didnt mean anything bad but that im too sensitive . We had problems prior to me been pregnant he says thing s without thinking, and hurts my feelings. Please help me deal with this issue, we have been married for 3 years now. Been together for 4. Should I consider leaving him?..please help. Thank you.

Answer 1

My husband once called me his "Little fat one." When I had a bad reaction to that name he followed it up with a tentative "Soft and squishy." Men can be very insensitive. If he isn't doing it to be mean, I wouldn't worry about it. When you calm down enough, just tell him when you said _________ it really hurt my feelings. Some times they honestly don't know.

Also, don't worry about not being your pre-pregnancy weight a week after delivery. You stretched muscles and your body added blood volume and it takes a while for things to return back to normal. Breast feeding helps as you body puts many f the calories you eat in to your milk. It took you nine months to get there, it'll take more than a week to get you back.

Good luck and enjoy your son.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, your belly probably won't ever be as firm as it was pre-pregnancy, especially after only one week. I've had one doctor tell me that it takes the abdomin 7 whole years to completely 'heal' itself (for lack of a better word) after having a baby.

You shouldn't be in any hurry to lose the weight, spend that energy on your baby and on your relationship. I know what you mean by not being used to weighing that much, I was 115 before my first son and got up to 170 with him. I got pregnant again just a couple of months after him and I'm up to 175 at 37 weeks along now. I didn't have any time to lose the baby weight, so I know how miserable it is sometimes.

Don't leave your husband if that's your only problem with him. Just keep telling him that when he says things like that, that it hurts your feelings. It'll eventually sink in. Don't say stuff like 'insensitive' because that'll just cause him to go into defense mode. Just explain to him that you're body is still going through a lot of changes, hormones and all, and that some things hurts your feelings a lot easier now than they would have otherwise.

As for losing the baby weight, do it when your ready. Don't let him push you into doing it beforehand.

Answer 3

I would definately say no to leaving him, you can't be willing to give up on your marriage so quickly. It seems as if you are trying to talk to him about it but he just isn't understanding you. Instead of telling him he is insensitive and things like that, just ask him why he says these things to you. You are very emotional right now too, so take that into consideration. It isn't right for him to say these things to you, but as long as you allow him to continue, he will. You have to make it a point to let him know that it is not acceptable for him to make these comments to you. Not because it is hurtful to you, just because it is wrong. He is supposed to love you unconditionally, and that means whether you gain a few pounds or whatever the case is. For better or worse is what he promised. You do need to develop a sense of confidence though, do you understand that you just had a child, the most precious gift in the world, of course you gained weight and I don't know how tall you are but 132 is what I weigh and I know that I am not overweight, fat, chubby, or anything else. I look dang good(mother of 3). Understandably it is going to hurt when the man you love says things, but the majority of men are senseless jerks that don't realize what they say. If you talking to him doesn't help.....find someone else that may be able to get through to him. Good luck, but don't give up so easily.

Answer 4

I'm a husband and my wife had two kids, she started at 145 pounds and went up to 205lbs. Now she is at about 175lbs, after 8 months of giving birth.

My god you just had the kid last week! It could take you 6 months to a year to get back in shape. But with each kid it will get harder and your stomoch will become increasingly flabby. that just won't go away. He has to understand that that is the way it is.

Just tell him that your gonna do your best to lose the wieght and just give you some time.

Some guys don't realize that they are trading thier beautful girlfriend that they married a few years ago, for a woman with a child. The woman's body changes, her thinking changes, (as baby just moved to the number one spot, and hubby droped to number two).

The guy has not really changed at all....so you have to sink it into his head, that thats the way it is!!!! lol.

But don't leave him, I am sure alot of couples have our same problem. If you really love eachother, you will work this out.

Remind him, that he is a father now.... and he has to step up to the challenge.

Answer 5

Men have a problem. They say things without thinking. And women have a problem, in that they overanalyze what men say. When a guy says something, normally he means exactly what he says at face value. You're attributing all sorts of negative connotations to what, for him, was probably just an observation. You heard 'geez, you're fat and ugly now' when he was probably just like 'huh.' You need to calm down. This is not something to leave him over. Because you feel down about yourself, you think everybody else feels the same way. The baby weight will go away. You just need to work at it. Hell, 132 isn't fat, anyway. That's normal. o.O And awesome for someone your age. Just keep working out and you'll be fine.

Answer 6

Keep in mind that you are in a very emotional state right now. Your body just went through a major morph and it is not uncommon to be a little uncomfortable with the results. Remember it is temporary. Most women don't lose that belly for 6 weeks. It helps if you are breastfeeding. Breastfeeding burns a lot of calories.
If your emotional health seems out of the ordinary, like considering leaving your husband, you might have postpartum depression. Talk to you doctor about these feelings you are having and he will refer you to a counselor.
Good luck.

Answer 7

Well he is being verrry insensitive but i wouldnt consider leaving just yet. Instead, just focus on you. Like make sure you eat lots of fruit and vegetables and exercise if you can. It will make you feel better. I Know when you have a new baby sometimes you just have to eat whatever is fastest but keep some fruit and yogurt on hand. Ignore your husband for now, maybe it wont bother you so much when you start getting your body back. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Don't make any decisions now. You may be suffering from mild postpartum depression.

Your belly will firm up again. how long it takes depends on your determination, but you are not supposed to exercise for 8 weeks. You are gaining weight because you are not getting enough sleep, and theres nothing for that except being patient and waiting for the baby to sleep the night.

Just eat right, go for walks, starting off slowly, and you will be fine.

I think most men, once they get comfortable with their wives, tend to forget the formalities of dating. He may be hurting your feelings, but he's probably just blown away by the experience and amazed at your physical changes. it's traumatic to them too. He's scared and tired too.

Wait a year before deciding wheather or not to leave him. Chances are, you are being too sensitive. But that is completely normal... Your hormones are totally out of whack.

Be patient... this too shall pass.

mother of 4

Answer 9

Don't consider leaving him just because he isn't sensitive to your weight!!!!!
If only that was the least a man said to half the woman around here.....
Men just don't understand how sensitive we are about our weight.... but you can get it back if you want too!
Wait until you have seen your doctor and she says that its okay for you to exercise, and you can buy videos that are specifically for woman who just had a baby, and to help get rid of that baby belly!

Don't worry! And as my mom always said "Don't sweat the small stuff". You are who you are, your weight is what it is, you just had a baby.... you will get back to your normal weight!!!!
My sister gained 70lbs with her second baby, and only took off 10lbs when she had the baby.... after 10 months she was back to her pre-birth weight. She just worked at it!!!!

Good luck! You will do great!!!!

Answer 10

No, don't leave him for something like that...but do tell him that there will be dire consequences if he doesn't stop telling you that your hurt feelings are "all in your head". Tell him he needs to take your hurt feelings seriously...just because your a woman does NOT mean your feelings should be chalked up to you having a uterus. There is absolutely NO excuse for him to be making fun of you like that, especially when you just manged to continue his bloodline last week. He should be worshipping you and thanking you for what you've done, not belittling you for it.

Worse comes down to worse....shove a watermelon up his a*s and then tell him his butt didn't used to be as firm as it once was after YOU put something into HIM.