I plan to get married in june. I have a son and my future husband has a daughter. Every time his daughter asks for anything (his time, attention, help) hes doing it right away, when my son asks he says mabey later or whatever and blows him off. My sons dad isnt in the picture at all so he should take his place as the dad right? Or am I just expecting something that cant be done? He is a great guy in every other aspect except for treating the kids equally.
2007-01-05 02:46:25 · 21 answers · asked by Melissa C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like he is treating your son as second class. Make sure you marry someone that loves your son too
2007-01-05 02:49:05 · answer #1 · answered by Montecar3 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look, I don't like what these other guys are saying. You already made the commitment to marry him in a few months. You probably have the deposit for the reception down and everything.
Before you just ditch the marriage, make sure you try making the situation work. You need to talk to your fiance about the situation. Have a serious discussion and don't let him brush you off about it. Tell him you love him and that he's a wonderful guy, but that as a favor to you, he needs to try to include your son. Of course, he's never going to be able to just step in and replace the boys father. But that's not to say he can't be an important male/father figure in the boys life. Tell him before you embark on this marriage, its important to you that he is making a committment to your son as well as yourself.
Hope this helps, good luck ♥
2007-01-05 02:55:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no perfect solution to blended families. My first husband had a daughter from a previous relationship and my current husband has 2 grown sons. It takes a lot of time and patience and communication. You do need to talk to him about how he needs to be more fair in addressing your sons needs. I have that problem now. We have a 2 yr old and I have 10 and 13 yr old from my first marriage. My husband treats my sons very differently. It is a daily struggle sometimes. Be consistent and supportive to your sons needs and communicate to your partner your concerns.
Good Luck
2007-01-05 02:52:37 · answer #3 · answered by his temptress 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. The writing is already on the wall. Both you and your son will suffer. Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? I was in a similar situation and when I brought it up to my fiance he replied that he would always favor his "real" child. I broke it off and I'm glad I did. Find somebody better. Your child will develop a bad self image that he will have to live with for the rest of his life. I think you already know you shouldn't marry him, but it would be hard for you to walk away. Believe me, you should RUN, not walk.
2007-01-05 03:02:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO you want the marriage for you, your child or both. Decide what is your priority and act upon that. Have you talked to him about it? Personally I think if you go through with the marriage without settling this issue you will be headed for divorce court again in the near future. Blended families should be complete families and unconditional in their commitment to each other or you are not a family, you are a living arrangement for the convenient of each other. You can still date. Both can get what they want in the relationship without sacrificing the boys wants and needs. He clearly won't get it from this guy.
2007-01-05 02:53:40 · answer #5 · answered by father of 4 husband of 1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Boy, I have this problem now. I have two boys and he has a daugther.......The daughter doesn't live with us and I am seeing the same issues. The boys seem to understand and go with the flow, but I can tell with the younger one he is going to have some issues as he grows older.
We have been married eight months and things are getting better with communication from all parties......It's hard work, but you have to ask yourself How Hard am I willing to work out the Wrinkles? Only you know the answer.
2007-01-05 02:53:15 · answer #6 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is somethign you and he need to sit down and discuss. i treat my step-daughter like i do my daughter. it is fair and equal all across the board there is no side taking. and my husband does the same thing. we treat them fair. he doesn't have to take the plac eof his real father but if he is going to become a step-dad he needs to treat your son as an equal. as far as marring him, have the talk first, if you can live with the fact that your son will be second best to his daughter than marry him. if not then talk it out
2007-01-05 02:51:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I married my husband he had a son I accepted him as my son as well. I feel like you should sit down and talk with your future hubby and tell him that your son's father is not in the picture and you would like for him to step up and be there for him as a father. You need to tell him as well that you and your son is a package deal if he loves you he needs to love your son as well.
2007-01-05 02:57:20 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My very own feeling is that i might circulate in at the same time at this factor. once you're making plans to get married, you are going to circulate in at the same time finally besides, and could stumble upon those same problems then. Why not attempt and artwork on them now? You the two might desire to talk on your toddlers and help them adjust to the placement. look into it from their attitude: what if somebody chosen 2 random human beings so you might stay with finished-time? You and your fiancé have a relationship, besides the shown fact that it would not immediately mean that your son gets together with his daughter. i'm helpful the two young toddlers experience trapped in a feeling, perhaps they experience like their privateness is approximately to be invaded; you will possibly be able to desire to handle those subjects - all of you, at the same time. good success.
2016-10-30 01:53:43 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him when you take me you take my son, (package deal). Let him know how you feel, and let him know you feel as if he's putting your son last and it makes you feel uncomfortable. And also let him know you wont stand to have your son come second. If that dosen't work find someone who has no kids or find someone who will treat you both with compassion and the respect you both deserve. Good luck
2007-01-05 02:54:13 · answer #10 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋