My husband has done this thing over and over again since we were married. It's been four years. He takes loans out without telling me and hides the money. He let's me believe that his paychecks are really low and takes the extra cash and stashes it where I can't find it. He let's me believe that we have like no money and I stress about the bills and the budget and the whole time he has this money and doesn't tell me about it. I offer to let him be in charge of paying the bills and he STILL takes a loan out without telling me and hides the money from me. Why? Is there something more to this or is he just a money-freak? What should I do about it? What can I do?
2007-01-05 02:31:11 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have kids and I don't want a divorce for their sake.
2007-01-05 05:21:18 · update #1
Obviously he doesn't trust you with the money. That's not saying you're doing anything wrong. It's saying he is not a trusting person. If he spends alot of money, but not on you or anything else, he may have something going on the side, like gambling, drugs, or even another woman. A marriage is supposed to be a 50/50 proposition. There is now way you should have to stress about paying bills and all that while he's taking out loans and doing other things with his money that he's not telling you about. He owes it to you to at least be upfront about what he's doing with the money. After all, you are his wife.
2007-01-05 02:43:10 · answer #1 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a very serious problem. Very serious. I do not often say this, but I would consult with a lawyer immediately if I were you about a legal separation.
There is no good or reasonable explanation for your husband's behavior. None. You have a serious problem that you need to handle as soon as possible.
I don't think the problem is being a money-freak. A money-freak would not need loans like that.
Your husband is not a control freak, he is a liar and a cheat.
WHY does he need all this money? I would bet that he has a compulsive problem like gambling or a drug addcition, that he is hiding from you. Or he is paying someone for something that he feels needs to be hidden. Do you see what is going on here? He is lying, cheating, and stealing from your relationship to fund something else.
Not only that but depending upon the laws of your state, YOU might be liable for those loans for which he is signing. He could be ruining YOUR credit rating. This problem is one of the big reasons why I recommend a legal separation and consultation with a lawyer to determine how to separate your financial history from his asap.
Do not let this behavior continue or you will find yourself bankrupt or worse.
2007-01-05 02:59:24 · answer #2 · answered by Karen L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't share any bills with him. Keep your name as separate as possible from bills you incur. Get a separate bank account and don't put him on it. Leave the bills that need to be paid out and tell him when they are due, and leave it at that. The best thing to do is make sure you aren't in a position to get your credit screwed. Only put yourself in charge of accounts you can pay directly...because that sounds really sneaky. Where is the money going? Why is he taking out loans in the first place? I would wonder. Since he's up to something, the best thing to do is to be on the defensive and prepared...so in the event something nasty is going on, you won't have your cage rattled too badly. Besides, if you know you don't have anything to worry about--you won't be stressed out by all that.
2007-01-05 02:36:52 · answer #3 · answered by Destiny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fragile situation.
In this case I would reccomend a third party intervention, a marriage counseler. This will provide a more open atmosphere and I strongly believe the counseler will reccomend a full disclosure on his part.
If this won't work, politley demand a full disclosure on his part. Your equally responsible for all your combined debts and assests under law. I know of a few folks that have begun a divorce proceeding JUST to find out where all the money is. Not suggesting you divorce, but it's the ultimate, last tool in the drawer sometimes to finding out what is happening to your money.
2007-01-05 02:37:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is scary. Either your husband is supporting a mistress or a drug habit or paying off a loan shark or who knows. He is up to his neck in trouble.
Tell him he has one week to come clean about EVERYTHING. Let him chose his words and think it over, he can write a confession if he wants, but after one week you don't want any more surprises. Tell him in one week if you don't have an answer you are going to a divorce attorney.
Meanwhile it might not be a bad idea to briefly consult with one anyways. You might owe a lot more money than you think!
2007-01-05 02:34:21 · answer #5 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The good way, might want to were to understand what your funds were earlier to filing for a divorse and understanding precisely what sources you both had, and the position the money change into. At this element, hiring a strong detective (see your legal professional about recommending a strong one) who can run financials and note the position he might want to have hidden it. If its money, you're in all likelihood out of success, till you will get get entry to to a protection deposit field. women, enable this be an celebration to all of you, consistently understand what your financials are. a lady who would not take an pastime in the position the money is and is going, is putting herself as a lot as be taken great thing about and to not understand the position her husbands money is going. in case you pay interest, you already know even as he's spending $one hundred on roses for the recent squeeze besides as figuring out to purchase her new Masarati. strong success!
2016-12-01 21:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by barnas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple
- Talk to your husband. Explain your views and say it straight that it is not in consonance with trust you had
- Give him time say a month and find out whether he is acting in the same manner
- If he does so, consult a lawyer since you have an identity and have a right to live peacefully
- If agrees to your point of view live happily.
But make sure that you also get a job and start earning.
2007-01-05 02:48:53 · answer #7 · answered by Tony 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gosh! I think you should talk to him and be firm. You guys are married and married couple share their things fairly. His behavior is unacceptable in my marriage dictionary. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you object his behavior toward the money and tell him you have the right to know. Ask why has he done this to you?
If the talk doesn't work go and visit a counselor if this still doesn't do anything.. I think you should divorce him. It's not fair of him to do this to you.
2007-01-05 02:43:12 · answer #8 · answered by minime_risk 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
O my god you're living my life two yrs ago!I was with him 16yrs and he did the same thing.why i can only say its a form of control. in his case it was do to a lack of control as a child that carried on to adulthood his dad & sister controled everything it seemed.and still do. Will it stop sadly unlikely.What can you do? Very little. You'll learn to live with it knowing and let him think he's getting over on you.Or you'll wake up one day and say that's it I'm done. and I can do better.I'm sure thats not the answer you'd hoped for. but some times things aren't easy to hear. good luck and do whats right for you. I did and its not as bad as i thought it would be.
2007-01-05 02:52:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he has to be spending it on something...does he have an addiction....gambling...drug.....is he taking care of another woman....whatever the problem is you have a right to know...if he is taking out loans half of that debt...if there is debt is yours....you do need to find out a way to stop him from taking out more loans though....and i suggest talking to a lawyer....most lawyers will give a free half hour consultation
2007-01-05 02:42:57 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋