Do I tell my friend that her hubby is cheating on her?

Question

I've know her for over 10 years and I work with her hubby, who is also a friend. I met her at one of our work's Xmas parties and we hit if off straight away and meet up at least once a week.

I found out just before the New Year that her hubby has been having a fling (for the last few months) with one of the young girls that works in our office. How on earth do I handle this, I'm having sleepless nights worrying about it.

The situation is so complicated because my friend has just had a baby (after trying for many years) and is over the moon, hubby is actually been very sweet and intentive towards her and the baby, but I know what he is up to behind her back.

HELP! xx

Answer 1

As a mother of a 4 mth old, I would like to know. I am not one to hold it against the person who told me or let my fiance know who gave me the know.

I would subtly investigate if the matter held weight. Not that I would be doubting my friend but in all fairness to all concerned.

You just need to emphasize that you are only doing it out of concern because someone else may not be as tactful and caring as you.

Please do it, my dear. She deserves the truth. Do not add to her betrayal- if she doesn't have him, then at least she can count on you.

I just read some of the other ans...

DO NOT DO IT ANONYMOUSLY... she will be more hurt that a stranger knows her probs
DO NOT WARN HIM... he will cover his tracks and make you into the wicked witch of the west who wants him

Answer 2

your friend deserves to know the truth, no matter how well he is playing happy families. It is starting to affect you, and causing you extra stress also, which is needless to say not necessary. Talk to her quietly and say that you have heard rumours of him having an affair, and that maybe she should talk to him. Dont say you know he's having an affair, because at the end of the day, unless you see them being intimate with each other or he confesses to you, you dont know for sure what is really going on. Your friend will obviously be upset at the thought of such a thing, especially after trying so hard for something so precious. She may believe or dissbelieve you, so be prepared for that. But at least you'll be safe in the knowledge that you brought it to her attention, what she does about it is up to her. All you can do is be a good supportive friend. She will eventually realise that you did the right thing, if she doesnt straight away.

Answer 3

If I suggest Yes, do tell and then the couple breaks up I feel bad, and so would you. If I suggest No, stay out of it I would feel bad not letting the friend know something important. Tough isnt it? Pray about it and go with your gut instinct. True it is none of anyones business, but would you want to be told if it happened to you? Would you consider your friend a true friend if they didnt tell you? Perhaps telling the man point blank that he is a pure monster and screwing up his marriage might be an alternative and he may just stop his fling and be a good husband again.

Answer 4

You're in a difficult situation. If you don't tell the wife and she finds out, she will assume you knew because you all work together. If you do tell her, you will not only break her heart, but you'll ruin the friendship with her husband, and possibly with her. Bad situation.

Were it me, I think I would privately talk to my friend, the husband. I'd tell him that 'I'm aware of the affair and that I would hate to have his wife think I was in on it, if she found out. For that reason, I am having mixed feelings about keeping it from her'. This is what I would tell my friend. I probably wouldn't tell his wife at all, but hopefully he would break it off with the girlfriend, as a result of our conversation.

Answer 5

Please don't.I will try and explain why i think you shouldn't, - if you tell her you will definitely take off the joyous and glorious moment your friend is having with her newly born baby and the family in general,secondly it will certainly lead to break down of their relationship if not divorce and finally you never know how she's going to react to the breaking news.
Okay lets look at the other side of the story,assuming you refuses to tell her and she later find out that you knew about it and kept it secret she might hate you because of that and question your friendship with her which is understandable.Bearing all this in mind i think if you lay back and let the sleeping dog lies you might save a relationship and your friendship if only the man is reasonable and responsible.I think you should first of all confront the man and tell him you know about is secret affair and that if he will not stop you have no other option but to report him to his wife.Please try

Answer 6

Yes you should, however unless you have solid proof your friend may not want to believe you, especially as she's just had a baby and he's the father, tell her carefully but if she won't believe you let it be, its complicated as your friend may turn on you even though you are only trying to help, make it clear to her that she will always have support from you as a friend no matter what she decides to do but I do think you owe it to her to tell her what you saw as if she finds out later on that you knew and never told her she could be furious with you, think you will have to take the risk and tell her, good luck!

Answer 7

Best to say nothing, sometimes silence is the best option. why?
1. Because this could back fire, he may twist the truth.
2. The wife may think you a jealous off her and tryinhg to destory her family.
3. You may not only lose your frind for ever but also get hurt yourself in the process.
4. Why do you want to stick a knife in your best friends heart when its her husband who is doing the dirty.
5. anyway whic ever way you chose. you have to ask yourself who are you helping. the husband or wife, or baby?

Answer 8

If I were you, I'll talk to the hubby first because you're at the same work place and you KNOW what's going on. Just point it out that you do this because you love your friend. Tell him stop messing around and try to remember his wife who trusts him dearly and his new born child. Tell him that he's about to be an example for his child.

Good luck!

Answer 9

You need to tell her. I know that it is complicated because of the baby, but she needs to know. It would be better now than waiting until the child is older and she is left trying to raise a child after her husband leaves her. At least if you tell her now she will have the home field advantage.

Answer 10

If you were my friend and didn't tell me and I found out you knew, I would hate your guts.

Friends tell their friends when there is something wrong. If there was a truck about to run your friend over, wouldn't you say something? If you knew that someone was going to her house to kill her, you wouldn't just say "none of my business", would you?

Your friend might get angry and take it out on the nearest person (you) or deny it, or even accuse you of trying to steal her husband, but at least you'll be able to sleep at night. It might take a bit for your friend to realize that you were acting as a friend but it will be worth it.