Can anyone tell me if my best friend is a friend?

Question

I am having troubles with a friend. I do a lot for her, like give her money, take her to see her boyfriend in jail, let her live at my house, take her attitude, and a lot more stuff.

When I have a problem, I have to ask her for help. She hardly ever goes on her own to go out of her way for me. I do that a lot for her. I know she is not the greatest friend but I just don't even know if she is trying to be a friend.

She is a lot of fun to be with but the lack of responsibility and timely management (unless it is for her) brings her down.

If you say I should let her go, then how do I let go of someone like that? We have known each other for about 2 years and we have been through a lot...from fights to boys to parents. I have always fixed things with anyone that didnt like her but her mom still doesnt like me and I dont know why either. That is basically the basics...so what do you think?

If you say keep her, what can I do? Talking to her isn't very productive.

Thank you.

Answer 1

I'm glad you see the problem, there are many who do not. You need to get this "friend" out of your life. Friends do not treat you like crap. Friends are there for you anytime you need them.

The best thing you can do is get this person out of your life and home. Call the police if you have to.

Answer 2

You need to let her go. If a relationship is unhealthy, you don't need to be in it. Whether it's w/ a man or a friend. I was in a similar relationship (minus the BF in jail) except we had been friends for 10 years! We went to high school and college together and were very close though out. But after we graduated, things got weird and it wasn't a give and take anymore. Not sure why, but maybe people just change. Tell her now. I unfortunately didn't let my friend know how I was feeling and the things I didn't like about her began to fester. If she's living w/ you now you need to tell her you can't live with her anymore. That's the most important thing. You don't have to be a B about it, just tell her it's not working out and give her notice. Then you can distance yourself from her. If you have to cut off all ties, do it. Me and my "best friend" are now just acquaintances b/c we have a lot of mutual friends. we're not rude to each other and I don't hate her. I just had to accept that just b/c we had been friends doesn't mean we had to stay friends. It's really hard to lose a friend for whatever reason. But I just didn't need to be so attached to someone who wasn't being a very good friend. Do what is best for you! Good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are a very giving person. First mistake is that you can not expect the same in return. We have all heard the saying you get back what you give. But that really isn't true some people just aren't as caring or giving as others. You also have to stand-up for yourself, set some new ground rules. Let this "friend" know that you will not be taken advantage of. Stop giving so much, if she continues being your friend then you know that she is a "true" friend. Just stick to your guns & be strong!

Answer 4

I believe you already know the answer to your own question. When hard times approach and things get tough...this is when you really know who's down by your side and your friend. I don't like users, people who abuse your genuine concern for their well-being....and just take and take. In any friendship there should always be some giving as well...not just a one-way street.

You should stop trying to do so much for your friend, and let her grow. Why should you pay for her bad choices? Such as taking her to see her boyfriend in jail, giving her money, and taking her attitude. I most definitely think it's unhealthy for you to take anyone's attitude. Sounds as though she's taking your kindness for a weakness. In order to really help your friend you have to let her help herself. She has some growing to do.

You can't fix things with everyone who does not like her. You can only control your own behavior, not hers. Sounds as though you're responsible and like a parent to her. If you continue to let your friend take advantage of you then you're being untrue to yourself.

I'm not going to suggest you let her go as a friend. But you should have a talk with her about how you feel. If she's too immature to talk...then it shows that she is really unconcerned about how you feel. You can find other friends who are fun, and responsible, and not inconsiderate. A true friend sows goodness into the relationship, not just standing with a hand out..palm upwards waiting for you to place something in their hand.

Answer 5

You can start treating her exactly like she's treating you. You are acting like a doormat. I've suffered from this weakness for many years and though you may really want to help her through all her problems you have to let her work them out on her own or she will always be dependent on others. Back the friendship down a notch. Don't take her to see her boyfriend, let her go alone. Don't mediate between her and her family, let her learn how to communicate with them. And when she asks you to do something say no once and awhile. And if you do say yes, immediately ask her to do something for you. That way she feels duty bound to do it. You don't have to give her up but you can't be her crutch forever.

Answer 6

To me it sounds like you like this person more then a friend weather or not you think you do “yet”. She sounds like a dead weight, and that your hoping that she starts liking you while her Boyfriend is in jail, I think that you need to say something to her, not feelings wise however from a friend standpoint, tell her that your friendship depends on a two way road and not you taking care of her and not getting anything in return. Now, I’m not saying that one day she brings you home a gift and then everything is ok, I’m saying that you seem (from your question) that you care for her. Tell her that it’s not fair what she does, because she might not know that you feel this way.
Good luck

Answer 7

i have/had friends like that. I dont want any more, you feel bad for them, but it just ends up hurting you. I still hang with a couple of them, but i make sure they dont know where i live, and i dont give them anything that i value and want to see again. Some people are just trash, they always have been and see it as their right to always be. make sure that she cant steal anything from you, and then tell her the bank is closed next time she wants money, tell her the taxi service is closed unless she comes up with some gas money. See how she reacts. as for dumping her, you gotta ask yourself how much you are getting out of the relationship and if its worth it to you.

Answer 8

First you have to accept the fact that you can't change people. Your friend is what she is and no amount of talking or encouraging on your behalf is going to change that unless she feels like changing.

I say get rid of her. There's no need to say you're not my friend anymore but there's no reason she should let you take advantage of her like she does. If she wants to live at your house, make her pay rent or kick her out. Tell her if she wants a ride to see her boyfriend, she's chipping in for gas.

It really sounds like she's bringing you down.

Answer 9

hi...... u r at the same node where i was some time ago...... even if u xpalne this 2 ur frnd, she takes an advantage tat if she is good 2 u, u will help her in all the time and she will act smart ven she is in need of you.......... honestly sayin she is usin u......through her out frm ur world.... no problem.... u'll find a new frnd..... there r lot of ppl in this world.. anyone may b ur frnd....... nothin 2 worry..... All The Best...

Answer 10

your friend is not your friend. she is taking your kindness for your weakness. she is using you and running over you. are you afraid of this girl? tell her,in a nice way unless she changes her tone of voice, that i let you live with me, you eat free food, i take you to see your boyfriend and you don't give me any gas money, i give you money and don't ask for it back, you just don't appreciate nothing. tell her she needs to start helping out.tell her she can at least say thank you sometime because i don't have to do what i do for you. tell her she needs to grow up and take care of her responsibilities.