Seven years ago I met the most wonderful man. In August 2003 we got married. In March 2004 he told me he wanted a divorce&promised me that if I let him have it, we'd later move back in together&re-marry. We divorced in June 2004. It's been almost 3 years&he still won't let me come home. He told me 1 1/2 years ago that if I got a job, I could came back home. I got a job&he still wouldn't let me come home&told me that he only said it because he thought I wasn't going to get a job. We still see each other all the time, spend nights together&talk to each other every day. When I ask him when is he going to tell his parents that we're still seeing each other, he tells me that they're not ready for that yet. He won't let me come over when he has friends/relatives at his house. He don't take me with him at all when he goes out with his friends. I feel like he's hiding me from everyone he knows. I still cook, clean,everything for him. Even massages. Help me understand what's going on here!
2007-01-05
01:30:24
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11 answers
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asked by
buka25mw
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in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I believe that you teach people how to treat you. By accepting his actions and the way he has been treating you, you are telling him that it's ok to do these things and you will still be there whenever he wants you to be. You have to decide how long you are going to wait around to be treated as his significant other. If you want him to change the way he treats you, you are going to have to do some changing yourself. You need to talk to him seriously and tell him what you need from him in this relationship. It should be two-sided but right now it's all about his wants and needs. Your self esteem has had to be affected by this. I think it's time for you to stand up for yourself .... you deserve to be treated better and you should not accept his selfish behaviour any longer. If he's not willing to treat you with the love and respect you deserve, then I'd say it's time to move on with your life.
2007-01-05 01:42:49
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answer #1
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answered by vanhammer 7
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He's not afraid of being loved. What a crock.
He's using you.
Let me say it again: HE'S USING YOU.
I am actually surprised at how foolish you are being. How many red flags does a person need? He dumps you. Yes, that IS what he did. He divorces you. He says he'll take you back if you jump high enough, but you can never jump high enough, can you? He won't even tell his family and friends you are together. And you are worried that he's afraid of love? Get real and get some therapy!
He's using you. For sex and convenience. And for his amusement -- because he is laughing his butt off about you behind your back. Yes, he IS.
He is not some poor sad sack who is confused about love. Oh no. He's got it all figured out. He's figured that if you find the right woman -- a woman with so little self esteem and so much desperation -- that if he asked you to crawl to him, you probably would.
Sorry to be so harsh, but...Girl. You need a wake up call. Get out of this relationship NOW. You deserve better than to be his booty call. And get some therapy to figure out why you allowed yourself to be used like a convenience instead of a woman with dignity and self respect.
2007-01-05 02:22:02
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answer #2
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answered by Karen L 3
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He's using you. You are allowing it, too. You do everything for him but he does nothing for you. He doesn't even want his friends and family to know that you're still in his life. I would stop calling him, stop doing things for him and start doing my own thing. Make him take care of himself for a change and go out and have some fun. I think he's conning you into believing that you will get back together just so he can keep you hanging on a string so you will be there when he wants. Cut that string and get your own life, separate from him.
2007-01-05 01:43:46
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answer #3
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answered by leigh 2
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He is probably afraid of committment or he just don't love you. Sorry, but 3 years is long enough to be patient. You have a life and you should move on if you are wanting more. If he does love you, he will compromise and work things out.
Sometimes people like that have to be pressured. Sounds like he is one of them.
2007-01-05 01:40:51
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answer #4
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answered by Wondrin Dude 3
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Kick him to the curb,he would rather spend his time with other people and probably has someone else on the side that is the behavior of someone that is involved with someone else.It sounds to me that he has got as many excuses as that of someone that was just arrested.Move on lose the zero and get yourself a Hero.
2007-01-05 01:50:44
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answer #5
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answered by Denny O 4
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you need to move on find someone else it might be hard but evidently he's hiding you like you said why live life for him?make him chase you if he want's to don't take his call's don't cook,clean whatever and no more overnight's that's just a housekeeper/sex partner find someone that respects you and is proud to have you on his arm
2007-01-05 02:17:25
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answer #6
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answered by pumpkinbugaboo 2
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Wake up! Hes using you, he sounds like a jerk, stop seeing him for awhile see what happens, if that dosent fix things then leave him for good
2007-01-05 01:43:52
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answer #7
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answered by paula_5150 3
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Why do you put up with it!? Get away from him. It doesn't make sense to play the games he is playing and you allow him to do it. I don't find he is worth marrying. Good Luck.
2007-01-05 01:42:18
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answer #8
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answered by chris 3
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He is take advantage of you. leave him for a while, no contact at all , see what happens. You will find out what he is up to. maybe he is seeing another woman or guy.
2007-01-05 01:39:47
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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What's going on here is: YOU HAVE NO BRAINS!!
That's more than likely why he doesn't allow you around his family and friends!
Your off in LOU LOU land lady!
Your being used. IF you like being used, stay and continue with your own charade. But if not.............stop all ties with the blow fish.
2007-01-05 01:46:19
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answer #10
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answered by peggin_beast 6
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