I've been married for 12 years, but im separated living in my own place, i met someone 1 year ago whom i really love, but im still married to my wife, although love isnt there anymore, i still have alot of history with her, plus she is the mother of my kids. on the other hand the other female im seeing, has more chemistry with me and we enjoy spending time with each other, she is also separated from her ex-man, whom she never married, but is the father of her kids. I cant decide if to go back with my wife for the sake of my kids, altough i wont be happy, or stay seeing the one that i really love. any doctor phil outthere, help me out.
2007-01-05 01:30:03 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Take it from one with experience who has been in a similiar experience. If your going to Divorce your wife, do it because you can't see yourself with her until you die. Don't use your new found love as an excuse to leave your wife because if it doesn't work out with your new found love, will you blame her for giving up your 12 year marriage? Thats a big burden to put on your new found Love and it might even hurt her feelings if you even tell her your leaving your wife for her. If your marriage is DEAD then say it is and move on to a better life even if you and the love of your life may not work out which I hope it will only if you see your NEW Love in your life until you die???? Think that one over before you do anything. .My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and he recently Divorced after being married for 37 years and recently I ask where our relationship was going and he said" Why do you think I left my ex-wife and sold my house? " That wasn't a good answer so think it over. Then again there were NO small children involved only grown judgemental ones.Hope this helps. God Bless each of you and whatever you decide follow your Heart.
2007-01-05 01:54:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You Know You're The Only One That Can Answer This Question ! ......... But I would make a decision, especially if your current wife doesn't know about your new found love .. There is more to this, I'm sure you love your children, and don't want to move on because of this ,, but somehow I think there is a lot more there ,, meaning at the home where your wife and children are ! You appear to be afraid of your own decision's and in that case I would think long and hard before I ran off with another woman,, But I would Be a Man And Tell The Truth To The Person I Married .... Maybe It Would Work Out Better For You ... Honesty Is The Best Policy ..... Also ,, I'm not trying to be mean, but just wanting you to be sure on your decision's .... You know the old saying .. The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side .... Well that is a saying for a reason...That's because it not at all greener ... Make sure this new woman is really the ONE !!
I Personally Think That's Why You've Posted The Question In The First Place ...
You Don't Know Either,, But As I started This Answer ,, I said you are the only one that can answer this question ....
GOOD LUCK !!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE TELL THE WOMAN YOU MARRIED !!!!!!!!!!
SHE DESERVES TO KNOW !!!!!!!!!!
GREAT QUESTION
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2007-01-05 02:13:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are certain that there is no hope of you falling in Love again with your wife, move on. I'm assuming you've tried counselling. Tried talking with her without fighting. Sometimes a couple just needs time to calm down the arguing. You haven't lived with your wife for a year? Or have you been cheating while you were living with your wife? If you are seeing someone while your married, your cheating. Period. It doesn't matter where you live. More than likely your feeling romantic and lustful towards your mistress. Trust me. After time goes buy those butterflies will go away also. Then what are you going to do? Go find another woman that will give you "new feelings". Put your mistress on hold, keep her away for now. She's not worth it. If she's cheating on her husband now, she will cheat on you later. Stop seeing other women. Start dating your wife again. I'm not saying move back home. I said start dating again. See if you two can rekindle your relationship. If not, divorce. Then start dating. Love is about committment and trust. You made a committment to your wife and your children. If you start to do things for her, write her love notes and such, and think positive about being with her, you will be happy. She will respond. She is hungry for attention. If you give that to her she will respond ten times, emotionally and physically.
2007-01-05 01:55:58 · answer #3 · answered by krzylove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go back to your wife for the sake of the kids. They will sense your unhappiness and you and your wife will not get along because your heart is with someone else. Same goes for your girlfriend. Kids are happier when their parents are happier. Divorce will be hard on them at first, but they will adjust. Make sure you don't put your new woman over the time you spend with your kids. You need to stay constant in their lives so they will have that security.
2007-01-05 02:03:53 · answer #4 · answered by leigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very easy to enjoy spending time together when you're not swamped with the daily responsibilities of raising children, paying bills and dealing with life's problems. The chemistry is certainly a lot better without those dark clouds of life overhead. But here's something you may not have considered:
Instead of your children having their loving father at home, you'll most likely be living with another woman's children. Of course, your kids will get to visit you in your new surroundings, but that won't be same as the other woman's children enjoying the day-to-day interaction with "Daddy". Think about that, when you're making your decision.
You have a wife at home who has stayed the course and is raising your children, while another woman and her children are having all the fun. Think about it.
2007-01-05 02:06:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not making life for your wife or kids any healthier if YOu stay because of the KIDS!!
You'll always love your wife, because she gave you your kids, but that doesn't mean your IN LOVE with her.
Get the divorce. Stop stringing the kids and wife along thinking you'll all be this big happy family again. I think your wife already knows, so sit the kids down and explain that love can die and that being happy is best and most healthy for all of you.
2007-01-05 01:50:44 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your head , not to your hot-dog ! Stay for the kids .
Try to relight the spark with your ex. You don`t see the consequences now , but if you stay with the other woman , your kids will considere you a bad example of being a father , and when you`ll be old and you`ll need help from your kids , none of them will help you . Your wife still loves you , deep down inside of her . You 2 grew apart from one another and she had to hide her feelings , for not to be hurt .
Romance her, sing her lullaby songs , make love to her in the wild , etc .
2007-01-05 01:59:58 · answer #7 · answered by Miroku 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you still married? I'm not going to tell you to stay with your wife or with the other women, that's something you need to figure out on your own. But you need to put your priorities straight. Your first priority is those kids. You need to do what ever you can to make the kids comfortable.
2007-01-05 01:51:08 · answer #8 · answered by chris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably love your wife but your not in love with her. Go ahead and get a divorce because your relationship with her probably won't change. You will still be there for her for the sake of the kids and she knows she can depend on you.
2007-01-05 01:46:00 · answer #9 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You SHOULD have gotten a divorce before moving on to someone else. Now, your problems are multiplied many times over.
You need to fullfill your initial commitment in one way or the other. Then, if it doesn't work out, move on with your life. 1st things 1st buddy. You need to work something out with wife #1 not for your kids, but for her and yourself.
I'm really not a counseler or a Dr. Phil by any means, but it's clear of what the right thing to do is here.
2007-01-05 01:40:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋