Should I change my name now or wait until we are married?

Question

My common law husband and I have been living together for several years and have a child together. The child has my partner's last name. I am divorced, and still have my ex-husband's last name. This drives my current partner crazy. We do plan on getting married "some day". My partner wants me to legally change my name now to his.

I would like the same name as my child, and would very much like to get rid of my ex's name. Should I change my name now or make him wait until I'm married to him legally?

Answer 1

Honestly, I don't think anyone could tell you what you need to do here. It sounds really personal, and there are a lot of factors. You could consider changing back to your maiden name until the time you get married. Also, even the mere suggestion of using your maiden name could spark conversation of getting married sooner, as in "well why change to your maiden name for a year and then change it again?"

Although I don't see what the hurt would be in changing your name to your boyfriend's, it just seems a little off.

But as I said, you are the best person to answer this question. I wish you luck ♥

Answer 2

I agree with the majority here. And "some day" sounds non-committal to me.

AND look into what a common-law marriage actually is in your state. There are wild misconceptions about common-law marriage. Only a few states recognize them, but they are slowly changing.

In a state that recognizes common-law marriage, you ARE married. If you split up, you will need a divorce. Your common-law marriage would include all the same rights and resposibilities as a "real" marriage because it is a real marriage.

In the state where I grew up, to be common-law married, you had to do the following: be over the age of 14 for girls, 16 for boys, there was no timeframe for living together first, you had to be of sound mind, not married to anyone else, non-related, and hold yourself out as a married couple.

But I lived in a Commonwealth, which is different from a state. And the laws may have changed.

There is a common misconception that if you live together for x amount of years you are commonlaw married. That's not true.

So do some research on common-law marriage in your state. If it's not recognized in your state, count your blessings. Then you can just walk away from this man if he's actually NEVER going to commit. (Which is what "some day" screams out to me.)

And don't change your name to his until you have a LEGALLY RECOGNIZED marriage.

If you want to dump your ex's name, but not take on your partner's name, you could go back to your maiden name until he actually is ready to commit to the relationship.

Answer 3

Other than the obvious love and romance factor, there are many practical reasons to get married if you're considering it. Sharing a name is just a small detail in comparison to some other factors.

No one likes to think about losing someone you love, but I have seen so many common law situations end up poorly after one partner (or both) passes away.

Years ago, a former coworker of mine was killed, along with her common law partner, in a car accident. The parents of both deceased stepped in, and since the in laws had never gotten along, they made sure that the couple weren't buried together. They made the grieving process that much harder on the couple's friends.

The deceased "wife" was not covered by the life insurance policy of her "husband" because they weren't officially married. Her parents had to pay for all of her expenses. Years later, the families are still fighting over custody of the couple's child, as there was no will written up. The couple was always going to "get around to" getting married and getting their paperwork squared away.

These words may sound harsh, but the financial reasons to get married should be considered. Whether or not you opt to take your partner's name now, keep in mind it is no benefit to you financially if, God forbid, something were to happen to him.

Protect yourself, just as you would your child. Perhaps discussing these factors with your partner will help him see the logic in making your relationship "official."

Blessings,
JustanAngel

Answer 4

This is the kind of mess that unmarried parents run into unfortunately.

I don't think you ought to change your name unless and until you are married to this person. Its too bad that he doesn't like it, but that's how it goes. You let your child have the name of person you're not married to, and I'd think that would bug you. If you can deal with something like that then so can he.

You may want to consider changing your name to your "real" name (your family's name) and just keep that. That way you get rid of the ex-husband's name without taking a name of someone you may never marry (no matter who says what at this point).

I think he's being absurd if he thinks you should change your name to his without getting married. If you've been together long enough to be "common law", and if you plan to get married anyway, a quick run down to the city hall to get married would simplify a lot of complications.

If there is something stopping you from doing that then the same thing ought to stop you from using his name.

Answer 5

QUOTE: 'This drives my current partner crazy'

Boy, THAT'S a red flag if I have ever seen one. If I called my wife my 'current partner', it would not be a good thing in any way. It sounds like you're a non-committal type. Get married, change your name, or maybe it's time to move on to your next 'current partner'.

Answer 6

all the better reason to go ahead and get married.
Would you keep his last name if you all broke up (due to your son)?
You don't have to do a big wedding, a j.p. is fine. You can get the paperwork right before you are married and begin to change it right away. Have a handtying ceremony,big wedding, or whatever you do in your religion afterwards if finding the time for a big shindig is a problem.
That's my 2 cents for all it is worth. Good luck!

Answer 7

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Answer 8

Without marrying him, it costs money to have your name legally changed. Tell him you'll do that but only if he pays for it.

Answer 9

I think No, don't change your name until your are married, It's obvious that you love him that's why you mustn't do that before the marriage this way you encourage him to marry you soon.

Answer 10

Sounds as though you may lose your only bargaining tool if you change your name now. Why not just get married?