Yesterday I went onto the computer & my husbands e-mail was up. Normally I don't look at it, but the very 1st message was from a sex chat sight advising him that he had 3 matches in/near his town. 1 of them sent a naked picture of herself! I know that my husband looks at these sights & I wasnt really bothered by it until 6 months ago, I was on the computer & this woman kept popping up asking me for sex chat. She thought I was him. I couldnt get her to stop chatting with me so I called him on it. We had a huge fight & I ended up telling him he was Disrespecting our marraige & vows & he appeared to understand. I have not seen anything since, until yesterday. I confronted him this morning about what I saw & he was actually upset with me for looking at his e-mails. I know he has not cheated, but I feel if this doesnt stop, he could. Should I continue to talk or stay elsewhere a few days to prove a point? He never apologizes for anything which makes me angry. Am I over re-acting?
2007-01-05 01:11:49 · 8 answers · asked by goosehds 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes you are. why not try to understand him as a man not just a husband? A marriage contract or vows don't stop him to just be a man like others in a daily life. Once you understand that and find a comfortable way to take it things will be fine. Why not try to ask him how does he wish you to react or response for his behaviour, Angry would help anything.
2007-01-05 01:23:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe he has been hiding this from you.
Upset about you finding them is a defensive act for getting caught
Leaving should only be an option if it's a violtile siuation.
Discussing it MUST take place.
If you begin with an acusatory demeanor, he will put up defensive walls immediately. You must do this with a voice of concern, interest in what is driving him to do this, and with a loving heart, even though you are deeply hurt.
After you can talk about it truthfully, openly without instant knee-jerk reaction, it is then you can be frank about how this affects your feelings and you trauma over this. It's SOO easy to get emotional during your initial discussions, but try to stay calm and collected. You must hear the truth. Fighting never brings out the truth in any matter.
I say all of this because if you two do nothing but fight about it with deep emotions, it's likely you'll never to get to the bottom of the issue at hand. His actions are a sign that something is amiss with your marraige, not YOU, your relationship with each other.
I wish you all the best.
2007-01-05 09:25:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are definately not overreacting.
If he was just interested in meaningless sex chat or porn, there are tons of places out there for that. A dating/match site is for people who really mean business and want to hook up physically.
This is a huge red flag and I would call a marriage counsellor ASAP!
2007-01-05 09:19:33 · answer #3 · answered by mutherwulf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow..usually stuff like this is a symptom of something else going on in the marriage. Is everything else normal..sex life...etc? You definitely have some trust issues now. Go to a counselor, don't leave him unless you really feel you need to. Best of luck.
2007-01-05 09:16:33 · answer #4 · answered by A c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the level of passion in your sex life. Your options on what to do will depend on that answer.
If your marriage and love and passion are strong than you have a leg to stand on. If your love life is suffering and your true love for each other is not strong than it gets complicated.
Lets pretend that you guys have a wonderful love for each other and the doors of communication are open. Best friends sort of speak. With that said, simply sit him down and let him know how your heart feels. These things, though interesting for him are wearing on your own heart and love. They hurt you deep inside. Offer to exchange his online with something the both of you can do together. If your love is strong than you are open for all options of exploration. If he loves you he will listen and follow you.
Trade one (online) for the other (you). But always tell your parterner (all of you) when their actions hurt you, and tell them why: "they make me feel hurt, or weakended, or less loved, or less of a woman/person. True love means each will make sure neither are getting hurt and always feel loved.
2007-01-05 09:34:51 · answer #5 · answered by NoAnswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not over reacting! Stand your ground! Dont go anywhere, you both need to talk to each other about this and tell him how you feel about the situation. Also, give him a chance to talk to you too. I know that you have already had the fight about it but I think that you need to TALK> sitting down, calmly.
2007-01-05 09:19:51 · answer #6 · answered by j_kuemmel02 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you are over reacting, you have every right to feel this way. But I would continue to tell him how you feel. Hopefully he will stop. Or you could block those sites on the computer.
2007-01-05 09:17:31 · answer #7 · answered by Spoiled 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you are,
2007-01-05 09:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋