My husband willnot have sex with me. It has been a long time now. We have a 31/2 year old and a 8 month old. When we met I was 150 lbs and now I am 40 lbs heavier. With each pregnancy I gained over 50 lbs. It is not easy to get excercise and eat right with 2 small kids always needing my attention. I am a stay at home mom. I cook, clean, shop, and take care of the kids. He works long hours. We 've had sex 2 times since the last child. Both times I was the one who initiated it. But he will take oralsex from me. I have been asking for over a yera if the weight was aproblem. He kept saying no. I just found out that it is the problem. It hurts me more to know that for one he would lie about it and secondly that he could treat me so bad. He has to walk in my shoes, before he can judge me. I am trying to change my eating abits. I am not lazy at all. I just dont get the time to prepare healthy meals for myself during the day or to excercise. I have stood by him through so
2007-01-05 00:58:03 · 25 answers · asked by missmac29 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just wanted to state that my child do eat healthy foods. We eat fruits and veggies. It is just that when I am working to take care of the kids and him and home I forget to take care of me and when he come in, he does not allow me that time for myself. I do not want his pity or anyone elses. I just think it is going to be very hard to be with him when I loose the weight, because I am going to lose it. I have done it before. I just feel thastt he should have come to me earlier when I asked him about it, and be truthful with me. I will not get into detail, but there are alot of things that I could of looked down my nose at him about, but I stuck by him and loved him enough to help him through it.
2007-01-05 01:23:51 · update #1
He should have been honest with you but I'm sure he just didn't say anything because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe he thought he could work it out in his head and get around it eventually. Anyway... a marriage cannot be successful without a healthy sex life. You need to do whatever it takes to get some time to work out and eat right. Maybe you could get some help with the kids from a friend or family member. Even if you just get some time to work out several times a week that should be enough to see a change in about six weeks or so if you watch your calories. Good luck! Weight loss is probably the hardest thing to accomplish. But if you have a good reason to keep yourself motivated I'm sure you can do it!
2007-01-05 01:27:22 · answer #1 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't let yourself go. Just because you gained weight doesn't mean you are completely undesirable. There's really no such thing as not having enough time to eat right. You can boil eggs for snacks and eat fruit throughout the day. Water water water! Drinking a lot of water alone can drop the pounds. In the mean time wear clothes that are becoming of your full figure, keep your hair, nails, and make up nice. He will get sex one way or another...Don't loose your husband
2007-01-05 01:37:57 · answer #2 · answered by Lala 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to lose some weight and that's all there is to it. You're at home all day. Learn how to manage your time and start exercising and preparing healthy meals. Stop making excuses and deal with this problem.
This is a major issue in marriages--wives who gain weight and do nothing about it. You've got to become determined to lose the weight. If your husband sees that you're seriously trying, he'll recognize and respect your efforts. He might even start exercising with you, or help with the meal planning.
This is not about you standing by your husband; it's about you losing the weight. Furthermore, you knew your weight was becoming a problem, which is why you asked your husband about it last year. If the situation were reversed, you would expect the same effort from him, so stop making excuses and get busy!
BTW: I don't know how receptive I would be to performing oral sex on him, when he's not willing to accommodate me sexually. Start working on your weight program and see what happens. If he continues to hold back, I might hold back as well.
2007-01-05 01:32:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Here's what I would do, you should take the kids with you on the weekends and you guys could go walking in the park for a couple of hours. And if you dont have time for that you set a romantic dinner with your husband and afterward wear something very sexy and like victoria secret. No man can resist a woman wearing something sexy unless he's gay. But dont worry just try to eat right and drink alot of water and also eat alot of fruits. I hope everything works out for you and tour family
2007-01-05 01:08:07 · answer #4 · answered by babygirl 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well lose the wait of course, but with men they get lazy its like work sometimes you just want a quicky or oral just cause you don't want to go at it for an hour or 30min you know. Maybe he drinks or uses medication also that can have a big effect on lowering sex drives in men over time. But if I was with a woman that was 165+ i wouldn't be to happy to have sex all the time either.
2007-01-05 01:12:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realistically, you answered your own question. And the reason he "lied" was to try and spare your feelings. Only 2 kids, I won't tell you my details but I handle a lot more than that on a daily basis, 8 in fact...and I work full time from home....get yourself better organised, you have 168 hours to work with.
2007-01-05 01:03:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's time then that you make the time, if it's important to you. And it should be important to you, not him!
Hire a sitter why you walk an hour, or find a gym that may offer babysitting.
You can change the eating healthy meals in just the trip to the grocery store. Your children are young enough to follow you in healthy eating. Just because their children, doesn't men we don't feed them healthy!
Go out and get a job. That will help you get back into shape, and in turn make new friends where you may get to go to the gym with.
Good Luck. As for the sex.............maybe hubby is tired. Buy yourself a toy and get pleased that way for now. IF he can't in turn please you, then to hell with him.
2007-01-05 01:08:02 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
so lose some weight!! if you think that this is the main reason why he wont mak elove to you anymore. Plus it will make you feel better about yourself. You are playing the "PITTYFUL ME"
part real well. look I ama house wife and have 2 kids, my weigght goes up and down alot. But when I feel that its interrupting my life I get up and do something about it. And wht not prepare healthy meals for your whole family. if you have a weight problem chances are your kids could inherit this trait also.
2007-01-05 01:07:48 · answer #8 · answered by Brat 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I say get a trendmill and work off that weight! Show him that you can look and be sexy with having two children... You should do it #1 for yourself and your health #2 for your relationship with him and your kids. Good luck get organized> get him to help you with some of the errands so you have more time to work out ;)
2007-01-05 10:01:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is as easy to eat vegetable and fruits as to eat bread, pasta and meat. The healthier meals will benefit your whole family not just yourself.
It is as easy to drink water as it is to drink pop or juice.
Find a gym that has a day care to watch the kids while you work out.
Take the children on long walks or if they're too young get a dual baby carriage and push them on long walks.
Do not allow yourself the luxury of self-pity it is as easy to fix your life as to come up with excuses as to why you can't fix it.
He probably lied to spare your feelings and not hurt you. That is good it means that he loves you and does not want to see you hurt.
2007-01-05 01:08:13 · answer #10 · answered by aiguyaiguy 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋