3 months ago I asked my fiancee for time apart. things were moving fast, marriage was coming, and I thought I needed to think alone. She was very upset, but I insisted and didnt see her for a month. I realized how much I loved and I asked her to take me back. At first she was still angry at me and she was dating someone else. She kept dating him for about 1 week. She eventually forgave me and we are engaged again. Recently I found out that she had sex with the other guy the night before she took me back. She says she wanted to experience him, but that she wanted to teach me a lesson and test my love. She also said wanted the guy was very sweet and she wanted to thank him. She told him she would go back to me, so the last night she admits they did it almost all night, three times. We have talked a lot, about how she was hurt, and I have expressed its ok to tell how she enjoyed the sex. we are back in love and my heart knows that, but I cannot stop my head from being jealous. advice???
2007-01-05 00:27:21 · 8 answers · asked by downtokissit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well here is the point: You took a break and therefore anything your girlfriend did during the "break" is completely fair game. If you had been in a committed partnership, well then she could have been considered unfaithful...but that is not the case. I would say it is more your ego that is bruised, that she was able to move on, rather quickly actually, when you asked for the "break." So while all of us want to think our exes are out there pining away for us, the reality is that they are not...they have enough self-esteem and worthiness to move on. Think about this my friend. Suppose when you had introduced the break and she did not honor your wishes and she called and begged you to come back....how attractive would you have found her, and would you have really come back? Doubtful. Acting needy is simply not attractive. Her independence and self-confidence was more attractive. So why not chalk this up as a good thing. Your girl is independent, sexy and desireable...she is yours, NOT his.
2007-01-05 00:36:41 · answer #1 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You're getting off to a bad start and I'd probably advise against you getting married, unless you have premarital counseling first.
It sounds like you were getting cold feet. When you asked for some quiet time, did you set any parameters? Did you make it clear to her that it was just time you needed and it wasn't a reflection of your relationship? I would assume that if I'm still engaged to someone, then sex with someone else if off limits, or if I were thinking about it or feeling tempted I'd talk to my fiance first.
Her actions during your break were childish. For her to tell you that she was teaching you a lesson, and then continuing to bait you with the details tells me that she doesn't care about the relationship nor does she have any self-control. It doesn't mean that you're off the hook: How did you think she was going to react to her fiance wanting to "take a break"? In her mind, you should be looking forward to spending the rest of your lives together, not looking to take a break before you're even married.
Consider your experience a view into the future. If you communicate so poorly that things spin out of control to this degree, then don't get married, don't have children. You have communication and trust issues; don't make it worse by getting married.
2007-01-05 08:52:02 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK with this one i hate to say this but when you were in the process of getting your head together what did you expect her to do wait for you to know that you loved her? Any woman in her right mind would question where your head really is at. All that did was give her the opportunity to taste another guy sounds to me like she really enjoyed it. Either you make this work with her or not. I know in the back of your head you are thinking damn is she going to be with him again well do you really trust her? I am not trying to plant negative ideas into your head ok but honestly going away for a month just before you were suppose to get married sounds like you had doubts about marrying her to begin with. I will tell anyone before they take the plunge they better know that person well. Marriage should not be treated with such kind disregard it takes work and effort. Marriage should be a lifelong committment but these days marriage is more like a five year contract. Its also best to think about it before you go bringing kids into it. I dont know if you have any kids or not but kids are very affected by adults sometimes stupid decisions. One minute you are in love and the next its divorce court. Divorce can be expensive and damaging at the same time so before you take the plunge think about it i mean really think about it. And as far as the jealousy is concerned if you dont nip it in the bud right now you are going to continue to think about therefore causing problems not to mention trust might already be broken....I forgot to mention that its best to wait a year before getting married that way you really give yourself time to know if its right or not...
2007-01-05 08:42:43 · answer #3 · answered by firey_spirit_66 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this my friend is the consequence of separating and leaving a woman scorned. Did you two make it clear that there would be no open dating? or did you make her understand that you were coming back, it was just some alone time you needed?
It could have been the way you asked for that time and her needs were met somewhere else.
either you will have to forgive her and move on, or call it off. (watch Best Man)...
2007-01-05 08:37:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a lot of work has to be done if you guys still want to get married & stay that way. time apart during an engagement isn't license to see & sleep w/other people (unless that was okayed by both parties). get professional counseling.
2007-01-05 08:40:29 · answer #5 · answered by L. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if she really loves u a month was not too much for her to wait and see what would happen after your brief separation.u have to forgive her if u really love her. but she must desist from seeing d other guy.moreover , the two of u must confess ur sins if u are christians.this is because the Bible doesn,t support sex outside marriage. REMEMBER THAT JESUS LOVES YOU.HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-05 08:46:16 · answer #6 · answered by adun folake s 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dude if she can have sex with someone when you expressed a desire to reconcile the relationship, and blames you for it. She really never loved you. I mean she had sex with the guy one night before you two started seeing each other again. Run away dude.
2007-01-05 08:34:24 · answer #7 · answered by n8tedog2002 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Hey , you only have yourself to blame for what happened , you are the one that made her feel unwanted , and then she found someone to make her feel better . You cannot make a women feel unwanted and think she is going to wait around for you . You wanted your space we'll you got it , now was it worth it my friend ???
2007-01-05 08:32:11 · answer #8 · answered by christina3661@yahoo.com 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋