Spouse reflects doesn't want me to hurt and doesn't want to hurt our children - can't figure things out. I have told - I am hurting now and can't resolve it - if I knew the "final" decision I could at least resolve issues - even if it hurts. How long do I "wait" for spouse to figure out what he wants in life family vs' being alone. I am sure there is no other person (i.e. relationship) I have been trying to keep distant from spouse to allow time to think but I also need a little emotion/to know I am at least cared about. Spouse says it has been this way for years but just recently told me (by my nudging as I knew something was wrong)
2007-01-05 00:21:36 · 17 answers · asked by Confussedhere 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to update I do still love him very much - tell him numerous times a day. I try to talk about it a couple times a week with him. Talking helps me - and I have seen a counselor - but he refused - he feels he can work this out on his own (it has been 2 months since I have noticed the distance with him but he says it has been a few years of him feeling this way)
He is my best friend and I have always told him everything in my life - I feel to betrayed
2007-01-05 00:49:39 · update #1
He needs to be honest with you and tell you what he feels has changed so drastically that could make him fall out of love with you. You need to have this talk when the kids aren't around so there will be no interruptions. You need to do this soon and try to resolve it. Sometimes marriage is boring and feels like your in the same rut day after day. Maybe your husband is just in a slump and is mistaken that for not being in love anymore. It sounds like he's confused, too. Maybe some marriage counseling can help make things more clearer and find the issues you need to work on as a couple. It sounds like you love him very much and , if that's true, I would try just about anything that could bring positive changes to your marriage. But like I said, do this soon. The longer you wait, the further away he may get.
2007-01-05 00:39:36 · answer #1 · answered by leigh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love's not just a feeling. It's a choice. You, and your spouse choose to express how you feel about each other by the things you do and say.
Keeping your distance from him will not help matters. You need to stay close, don't stop doing the little everyday things which express your love for him. He needs to know you still feel the same.
When he says that he's not sure if he still loves you, he may be really wondering if YOU still love him. Is he still bringing home the paycheck, spending his evenings with you and his family, doing things around the house? Or has he physically and emotionally withdrawn?
Don't be so certain there's no other woman involved. He may be getting enough emotional (and perhaps physical) attention from work that he's getting confused and thinks he doesn't need hassles from home.
Please schedule appointments for yourself and your husband with a third party counsellor you both trust, like your pastor (if he is a trained counsellor) or a certified marriage counsellor. You both need to air the underlaying problems and get them resolved.
2007-01-05 00:30:54 · answer #2 · answered by Mmerobin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry... It sounds like your spouse is trying to get you to make the choice for him and give your blessing. It's hard to tell because knowing someone else's thoughts is impossible.
There can be so many things happening. We all go through periods of wondering if this is what we want our lives to be? Just ask me, I'm a 44 yro married guy.
The bet thing is to communicate. Done best with a counselor. The councelor can help you two come back together, or help you guys split depending on what you both want after real communication. Remember, us guys are not the best at sharing our feelings. He telling you at all is a good step. The communication has begun.
What ever the out come I wish you much luck.
2007-01-05 00:30:36 · answer #3 · answered by Thomas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch, I'm sorry. For all of you. My best friend recently went through something very similar and I know how painful and confusing it can be. It can also get out of hand. You talk about him and what he says, etc a lot. How do you feel? Do you still love him? Are you still in love with him? Consider how your family functions, how you feel with him and without him. Talk to a therapist, not just to "save the marriage" but to determine the best course for all of you. And regardless of what happens, do not feel guilty for taking YOUR feelings into consideration when making decisions. The hardest part, making the decisions. Talk to him, come to some resolutions and go from there. Divorce is bad, but not as bad as living half a life (a loveless marriage). I wish you well!
2007-01-05 00:39:58 · answer #4 · answered by J m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's quite possible that he doesn't love you. It doesn't mean he hates you, just that he doesn't love you. Under these conditions, you would be wise to sit down with him and discuss ways of ending the marriage amicably. Of course, the children will have to be provided for, and if you own property, some arrangements will have to made for paying the mortgage. If you can work out the finances, it's in your best interest to file for divorce; unless, of course, you don't mind living with a man who doesn't love you.
BTW: This doesn't necessarily mean that your husband is "weak". Husbands and wives sometimes grow apart. Also, if he says it's been this way for years, it may be that he hasn't known what to do about his feelings. He hasn't wanted to hurt you, or the children; but has apparently come to a crossroads in his life, where he can no longer live in a loveless marriage. You may seek counseling, but don't be disappointed when his feelings don't change.
2007-01-05 00:32:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I am really sorry that you are so hurt. I think that he better look at the lives of all the people he will be ruining ie you, the kids, the total family. I think he needs to grow up and think about everyone else. There may be a day that he does move on but now is not the day. Raise the kids give them a good start and then move on. I think it is very cruel what he is doing to all of you.
Hang in there g/f I will be pulling for you!
2007-01-05 00:29:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-30 01:42:47 · answer #7 · answered by doti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much time have you given him already? For one it sounds to me like the relationship has gone status quo. If he is telling you these things now it sounds to me like he has already made up his mind. Its sad when two people who once loved each other very much decide they are not in love anymore. My ex told me he loved me but he was not in love with me and i said what the hell is that suppose to mean? Well actually it is a separate thing as i soon found out because i love him and im not in love with him meaning the marriage finally broke down and dissolved. We even tried to get back together but it just wasnt the same anymore. The problem was letting things slip away as time went on. Getting so busy with life that we didnt notice our love was slipping away. In any relationship you have to constantly spice things up especially if you have been together for years as in our case. We got to the point of no return it was time to leave and leave it at that. So you can wait all you want but honestly its your decision too and what you want out of this. You cant make him change only let him know how it makes you feel. If you cant resolve it then step up to the plate and set him free then see how he reacts why wait for him to drop the bomb? You deserve better than that....
2007-01-05 00:30:30 · answer #8 · answered by firey_spirit_66 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well i am sorry to here that and i am sure you are hurting very much,if i was you tell spouses the way you are feeling and make sure that he listens,if not be Strong and tell him you are not waiting around until he sorts his mind out or when it suites him you take the lead as hard as it is and i am sure that you will be happy once again like all of us single mums out there and we get stronger each day hope i was some help
2007-01-05 00:33:11 · answer #9 · answered by jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what he feels caused the drifting, or if he would like to see a marriage councillor. If he doesn't want to try now, he wont want to, and then you know your end result. Alot of marriages go through this, It sounds like it's really stressing you, let him know, because right now your on hold and it sounds like you need some affection or reassuance, even closure to move on to the next step no matter what that is. You deserve to know whats going on in/with your life.
2007-01-05 00:29:32 · answer #10 · answered by annette_642 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋