Husband question: Should I be jelous of these other women?

Question

I created a myspace profile for my husband so he could connect with old high school buddies. He had his account up the other day and I saw he had quite a few women on it. I asked who they were and he said that they all went to his high school and that one had dated his friend Steve, one was his old buddy Matt's sister, one was "Like a little sister", etc. He asked me to download some photos onto his profile, and since I created his profile I obviously know his password and therefore have access to everything. Being the nosey wife I am, I read his messages. There were like 10 back and forth between him and one woman. I read a few and they seemed more like buddies chatting than anything sexual, but still. Another woman left a message saying "Wow, I had such a major crush on you in high school!" Should I be jelous or worried? And before you say have trust in my husband, how many women do you think did trust their husbands, right up until the moment they found out he had cheated?

Allright, now give me an answer after you hear this.

I just read some more of his messages, and he was talking to another woman from his high school and they were talking about being married. She said she was not happily married and he said "Me neither. Marriage sucks." When she asked him why he commented that his wife was a total bi*ch!!!

Real nice to know that he is telling other women that he is miserable with me and that I am a bit**.

Answer 1

He knows you have his password. If he was going to cheat, he would hide it much better. If it bothers you, talk to him.

Answer 2

Your husband has hurt you by sharing feelings about your and his personal life with someone he isn't married to. Understandable. If he's so very unhappy, it should be you he tells, not the world on a website. He needs to make a choice between being juvenille and backstabbing you to old high school flames, or being an adult and working on fixing whatever it is about the marriage that he doesn't like. But he NEEDS to know that you know about what he said. Be very diplomatic about it, no flipping out. Keeping your composure about it will give him pause, and let him know you're dead serious about the hurt and mistrust he caused. If he's not a complete and utter brainless twit (hmmm...), he will see the chance you are offering and get his act together and work on your relationship. If he is a twit, then Hon, maybe its for the best that you saw what you did. Your Husband should at least LIKE you, even if feelings of deep 'Love' wax and wane throughout a marriage, as they do.
Trust your instincts, don't be a doormat, and keep your eyes open. Good Luck.

Answer 3

This is called tempting fate, or living on the fringe. Right now, he doesn't intend to cheat, but as he's getting older he does have a need to know that women in general (other than you) still find him attractive, etc. When people tell him about the crush they had on him in high school, it just feeds his need and creates the impetus to push the limit further. Next it will be, "let's get together with our spouses..." innocent enough, until it escalates to a point where you won't be included. He hasn't really done anything wrong yet, but he wants to know that he could if he wanted to. The problem becomes that the subliminal fantasy may turn into reality once it escalates to a certain point, and then its gone to far. Your husband should have only one confidant...YOU!

Answer 4

I am probably in the minority here, but my personal opinion is that married people have no business on MySpace. That site is more appropriate for teenagers and singles looking to hook up - NOT for married folks.

However, it doesn't sound like your husband is having any "bad" conversations with these other women, so I wouldn't be worried about it so much right now. But I do advise that you keep monitoring and see if anything develops.

And I completely agree with your last statement - all of us have trusted our man up to the point that we caught him cheating. Many of us go through life thinking "Oh, he loves me. I know him, he won't cheat", meanwhile he's doing all sorts of shady things behind your back. It's sad and it's sickening. But you're right on that statement. Women are foolish and can't seem to take the blinders off until it's too late.

EDITED: I just read the additional information you added to your original question, and by the looks of it, your husband is "opening the door" for disaster. By telling these women that you're a b*tch and that he's unhappy married, he's essentially giving an invitation for these women to pursue him. Sounds to me like you have every right to be upset and suspicious. He's definitely making the first moves toward cheating.

Answer 5

Well first of all shame on you for being nosey.
Email is a personal thing and a wife that would break into the husbands' account to 'check' needs serious counselling. Your husband sounds like the type if you asked him he would show you all the emails but no you have to snoop.
You have been watching too many Maury shows.. not all men are cheaters. If your husband hasn't cheated before there is no need to start thinking about it now.
Yes, it is called trust and I know more guys that left a jealous wife because she kept accusing him of stuff then guys that left for another woman.
Grow up and get another hobby this one is making you paranoid.
Jealousy is just dumb!

Answer 6

Are you sure he is not cheating?

If it just a myspace contact and an old school mate you have nothing to worry about.

From now on take notice of his reactions, his movements, and anything suspicious before the myspace and after, if you sense something, for example he is more secretive, he comes home late, all of a sudden there are late night phone calls or he goes away from you to take a business call..crap..its another woman.

Getting in contact with old flames is dangerous and sparks can be reignited.

http://www.affiliatehood.com/cheating-spouse.html

Answer 7

It sounds innocent enough. There are times when people from high school get back in contact with each other and admit they had a crush on someone a long time ago. You might keep an eye on things though. It really depends how much you trust him, only you know what his personality and how trustworthy he is.

Answer 8

From the first explanation I would tell you not to worry but when you gave us more detailed explanation, when he called you bit** with other women, if I were you I would definately panic and try to make a discussion with him and see why he's calling you with that title. But if you don't get anything from the discussion then it's time to prepare for a divorce, I'm very sorry to tell you this.

Hope this helps and I'm hoping that he said so about you just to show off in front of his friend.

Answer 9

I'd be feeling exactly the same way you are, in the same situation. But, honestly, as an objective 3rd party, I don't think you have a thing to be worried about. He knows you have access to his account, etc. If he were doing something inappropriate, he'd change that.

Is he acting any differently than he'd expect you to act if the roles were reversed?

Take a deep breath and try not to worry.

Answer 10

I'd confront him on this, being nosey is one thing, we all do it & if not we think about it. Tell him the truth. If one is like a little sister to him why hasn't he been in contact with her? Hey here you are trying to do something nice for him & getting called a b**ch, he's misleading either you or her & I'd want to know. If he's talking trash about you to another women he's telling her he isn't happy with you. That's a step towards cheating.( my opinion)

Answer 11

I am basically in the same situation as your husband. I know personally most of my friends in high school were girls. Since you've already snooped into his messages and seen nothing wrong why chase demons that aren't there? I say trust him but talk to him about what you are feeling.