here's the situation, I am a mom of two beautiful kids, one who is 5 months ...and currently I am on social assistance and do legally have the right to be on for a year...for one year's maternity leave...
The father of my 5 month old is 32, still lives with his parents and basically lives off them since he has no job and does not pay child support.
He has recently been putting me down, telling me I am no better than him because I am a welfare loser and I am selfish and dont' even care about my kids, all this in response to me not handing him over any parental rights because it's NOT that I want any money from him ( since it's just his momma's money anyway) but I have wanted to see him take responsibility for his own life and know if he can even take care of himself first and foremost...
Am I being hypocrital??? Is he just putting me down because of his own personal guilt and/or self worthlessness?
2007-01-04 22:18:04 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He sounds like a Loser to me. The reason he puts you down is to take the focus off of him having no motivation to do anything. He lives off his parents because they let him. Don't feel sorry for them. They are "enablers". They know he's more than old enough to be taking care of himself. They just don't care. They allow him to do nothing with his life, so they can have him depend on them! At least this way they are still involved in his everyday life. They know that if they stopped giving him everything, and he had to fend for himself, he wouldn't come around. They watch him do it everyday with his kids. Everyday that he makes NO attempt to be a responsible adult, and provide for the kids. They know if they cut him off, he'll find someone else to suck the life out of. Out of their own guilt, for raising such a piece of Crap, they continue to support him. If I were you, I would still take him to court for Child Support. Maybe if mommy and daddy have to pay to support his kids too, they'll get on his case to grow up. When he talks Crap to you, and tries to bring you down, tell him to BE A MAN!!! Good Luck Girl!!! Get what you can, for your babies' sake. Don't feel bad! They deserve the BEST!!! So do You!!!
2007-01-04 22:45:20 · answer #1 · answered by Bean 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's a LOSER. He's going nowhere and do nothing about it. You sure picked a beaut there sweetie.Some people can only feel good about themselves when they're putting somebody down to their level. You are not hypocritical . He knows he's a loser and wants you to feel like one too. Get rid of him or you'll be taking care of him the rest of your life. Stay home the year on assistance your baby needs you for that first year. Good luck.
2007-01-04 23:15:05 · answer #2 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This whole scenario is unhealthy and quite frankly I think you should both leave each other alone. This situation has no love or respect attached to it and will forever be a towering inferno. My suggestion is move far away from where you are and stay away from each other. THere is more life after him and lookiong at the picture this road is going around in circles instead of moving on. Dont be spiteful towards him and provoking. Say nothing and pack your bags and leave or simply ask him not to visit or contact you any longer. This situation is not going to be a good teaching point to your children. Find a man who is not only accountable, but who has not come from a broken family, who has a purpose and who walks with God and you find a good thing. Treat him with love and mostly with respect and you will both have a successful life together. Let go childish behaviour and stand up for yourself and for what is right. Find a man who will accept you and your children and the way to find the right man is to pray and ask God to find him for you. Tell God what you desire from a man and down to the colour of his eyes. A friend of mine did that when she was in her 20's and she married a wonderful caring and good man and they have an excellent life together. You can have this too.
2007-01-04 23:08:39 · answer #3 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If the fathers of both of your kids where helping you out with the kids, like child support, you wouldn't be on assistance, they are just saying that to make them feel justified. Your assistance money is about the cost for only one child, You are not getting a lot from the state that's for sure.
2007-01-04 22:26:48 · answer #4 · answered by Diana J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is a loser and is trying to make himself feel better by putting you down. If he was a "Real Man" he would be taking care of his family and not have his children on public assistance.
2007-01-04 23:23:42 · answer #5 · answered by peach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a total loser, I mean 32 living at home. Something is obviously wrong with him AND his parents.
You are trying to get on your feet, and you will. You cannot make someone do something they don't want to do. He will not be a good father to your child and I wouldn't think you want a BAD father for your child. Get your stuff together and resolve to make it on your own.
2007-01-04 22:23:43 · answer #6 · answered by quickspend 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why did you allow such a person to father your latest child? Were you desperate for the year on social assistance. You are both irresponsible and deserve each other.
2007-01-04 22:41:17 · answer #7 · answered by Roger B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the statement at the end of your question says it all. YES he is just trying to keep you low so you wont think you deserve better which by the way .....you deserve better. dont let some loser b/f tell you what to think of your self its bad enough the baby has to go through it with him. I should know got that kind of father for my oldest 2 good luck
2007-01-04 22:29:11 · answer #8 · answered by faithfullyyours 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes he is putting you down to bring himself up in his own eyes,people are critical of others for this reason,i know because i do it,he needs to get self worth another way but he wont 'till he can see what he's doing,good luck,walk away if you have to dont waste too much time.
2007-01-04 22:27:27 · answer #9 · answered by Goanna Dundee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's his own personal guilt.
I also think you the best thing you can do for him is to teach him responsiblity and make him pay some child support for his children, you didn't make them alone.
You need to remind him that you are on assistance because you had a baby what is his excuse? laziness?
2007-01-04 22:21:42 · answer #10 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋