it's very sad really but i don't find my wife sexually attractive anymore . i try and keep in shape and she has let herself go . i fantasize about making love to a slim woman . i can't bare to tell her because i love her and don't want to hurt her .what am i to do ?
2007-01-04 21:33:34 · 20 answers · asked by woodchip1960 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You say you love her ... so I think you need to bite the bullet and sit her down and talk to her about this. You know your wife best, so it's up to you how you present your thoughts on this situation, you may need to do it gradually, to give her time to absorb what you're saying.
First, you need to tell her the situation - she's no longer attractive to you, but you love her.
Then, you need to discuss what's to be done to get her in shape again. It may be that you need to take on more of her household tasks to give her time to do what she needs to do, but if you love her, you'll do this ... I would stress that you really want her to be healthier and fitter (as in better physical condition), I wouldn't really harp to much about how she's looking because that will definitely be an issue.
Then you have to look at your food, both of you, and yes, there will be tears ... habits will have to be examined and changed where necessary.
The more supportive you are throughout this, the more encouraged she will be. When you can, go gorcery shopping together and discuss those food choices, prepare your meals together, go for walks together, and perhaps even in a few weeks when she's starting to show her weight loss, go clothes shopping together. As her physical condition improves, you could even consider something like salsa dancing ... or whatever.
You say you don't want to hurt your wife's feelings, but I'm afraid you're going to have to come clean on this ... and if you keep saying that you will be supportive of this lifestyle change and above all MEANING it and following through, then she will know that you mean business, not just in the sex department, but in the love department, and the hurt won't be hurt in the long run.
2007-01-04 21:55:53 · answer #1 · answered by Orla C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your wife still want sex? If she doesn't then I wouldn't judge you if you had an affair. But make sure you are honest with the person you choose.
If you wife still wants you sexually then I think you should find a way of telling her she needs to think about shaping up. get a dog , go for walks together, play tennis what ever.
Be careful how you handle the situation. My husband made me feel so bad about my body after the children were born that I eventually went off sex with him. Now I'm in shape he fancies me again but I've gone off him......the boot is definitely on the other foot!
2007-01-04 23:08:11 · answer #2 · answered by Ellie G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her surely you wouldn't think about cheating. Just try to help her out and maybe do some activities together that can help her lose a bit of weight.
Talk it through with her, sometimes people need to know the truth to act upon these things. (i don't mean tell her you want to have sex with someone else though!) Has she had your children? Babies are never good for the waistline!
You should be helping and encouraging her not thinking of dipping it somewhere else! talk about shallow! Focus on the positives and not the negatives.
2007-01-04 22:16:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
can i ask....why a slim woman? I am a big built woman with a sex drive most men enjoy trying to keep up with.
if your wife has calmed down a bit - maybe try making an effort for her - dinner, flowers, romantic walk - do it all a few times without the expectation of getting your leg over and then maybe she might supprise you
2007-01-05 00:40:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you looked at your self lately i bet you've changed since you married your wife how would you feel if she told you the same look for the good in your wife she is more than a body and as for putting on weight why not take her swimming and say you'd like to eat more healthily that would help her lose some weight without you having to say anything but please don't cheat on her she deserves better
2007-01-04 21:39:48 · answer #5 · answered by dottydog 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try and encourage her to try gentley, take her for brisk walks, cook her healthier meals as a treat and she will loose the weight without realising and soon she will do it herself, I hope it works out for you, the better she feels and looks the more sex you will get.
2007-01-04 21:37:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
why has your wife let herself go? maybe she feels exactly the same way as you do. try to rekindle .talk about how you first met,what attracted you to each other.pay attention to her,buy her small thoughtful gifts that show that u are thinking about her. she will soon start to take of herself.and she will start to you enjoy you.nots all lost you say that you stll love her. show her.
2007-01-05 01:52:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe youv'e lost that loving feeling for her and don't realise it yet. For me, i wouldn't be able too sleep with someone if i wern't sexualy attracted to them anymore. It sounds like you are on the path to cheating maybe. I guess you really need to sort your true feelings out for her.
2007-01-04 21:39:05 · answer #8 · answered by happy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a support group for people who need sex. It's called 99.999% of people on the freaking planet.
I daresay there are several meetings near you. Try bars and nightclubs.
2007-01-04 21:36:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you say you work out to stay insharp then take her alone tothe work outs and it can work two ways for you guys.First quality time together plus she can get into better shape not only for you but for herself and your family.
2007-01-04 21:40:56 · answer #10 · answered by jpcbbc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋