The man I love and I are married to other people. We have not physically been together and have always said we would never leave our spouses. Now he has changed his mind and wants me to leave my husband and he his wife so we can be together. We've both been married a long time. My husband cheated on me several times a while back and has never said he's sorry but, he's not cheating now and is good to me. But, I don't love him. I love this other man but, we both have families, not small children. I am torn. Should I stay with my husband whom I don't love or should I take a chance at happiness with the man I love? I know both our families will turn against us. Why must we always live our lives for others? Please help me.
2007-01-04 17:44:16 · 19 answers · asked by crazywoman88 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is not revenge and I didn't leave when my husband cheated because I had small children then and no job skills. Tried to work it out but, I can't love him or respect him anymore.
2007-01-04 18:03:58 · update #1
To igotplayedonce. You are transferring your bitterness to me. I know my husband cheated. I saw him as did others.
2007-01-05 04:59:31 · update #2
follow you're heart. Family will learn to accept. If they truly love you they will want you to be happy. don't ever live your life for someone else. If you don't follow what could be the love of your life you may one day regret it. good luck to you
2007-01-04 17:48:44 · answer #1 · answered by uknowme 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't blame you for your dis-trust of your husband nor your feelings towards him. However, you're still holding on (emotionally) to his cheating and how it effected you. I am sure you feel betrayed and your self-esteem took some very hard hits.
If you leave the marriage now, your taking the bagage with you and it will more likely than not come up in your new relationship if you decide to continue to persue it.
Have you stopped to think that this man has already cheated on his wife so what's going to prevent him from doing so with you? You might be setting yourself up for what you have already gone through with your husband.
I think after all the pain your husband has caused you that you need to concentrate on yourself and take some time to do some healing. Once you've cleared your head, then make a decision. If this other man truly loves you, he'll wait.
2007-01-04 20:19:33 · answer #2 · answered by scorpio1913 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you need to resolve the cheating problem with your husband. Tell him you know he cheated on you and you no longer trust him nor do you love him because of that. See what he says. Then if you don't like his answer, divorce him. This accomplishes first things first. Do not tell your husband about the man you love (or think you do). If you do, in fact, get a divorce, talk to your kids and tell them (since they are not small) that you no longer love their dad but will always love them and respect their dad because he IS their dad. Then if and when your married love is free, start dating and see how it goes. Sometimes it's a case of being unhappy in your marriage and the grass looks greener somewhere else.
2007-01-04 17:54:48 · answer #3 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow hon u need Jesus, no but seriously pray about it & let God steeer u the way he wants u to go. Make sure he's not pushing u , it needs to be your deceision & I think u do still have lover for your husband, but u have not fully forgiving him & your revenge somewhat wended up a serious affair. People will get hurt no matte what , but what if u leave & then ur lover cheats then ur in the same boat, Like i said consult your bible & pray about it & your answer will come into light. If ur lover loves u he needs to let u make ur move in your time. Wow thats a tought one, but sometimes you have to reallly think is that what u really want? I say watch out becuz now he sounds like he's getting territorial & impatient & remember you are both cheating & you will always wonder what if & what he's doing behind cloded doors & he you I really don't think it's a good idea, but thats just an opinion.
2007-01-04 17:54:26 · answer #4 · answered by pammybear1971 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO! I stayed married to my first husband for 17 years because it was the 'right thing to do' because I had children. I hated being married, but stayed that way to keep the peace. I deeply regret that decision now. If you are sure this man will leave his wife, I say go for it. You deserve to be happy and not stuck in a loveless marriage!
2007-01-04 17:47:47 · answer #5 · answered by The Nana of Nana's 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah. Im sure you will be happy with the new guy. Im sure neither of you will cheat on the other and your new marriage will be complete bliss. What do you think.........
You should have left your husband when he cheated, now you are no better than he is. Staying together for the children is not always the best thing to do. You sound very self centered so they are probably not benefiting from you being around. You all need counseling. Serious counseling.
2007-01-04 17:50:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
that's a hard one. well morally speaking, you should stay with your husband. but if your not happy with him anymore, why continue to stay with him?
but before you do it, understand that the risks are big. make sure the other guy is really committed to be with you. you don't want to be left alone when he suddenly changes his mind and goes back to his wife.
i would suggest that you work out your marriage first. he's changed right? there was a point in your life that you loved him very much. can't you try to get that feeling back again? if everything fails, then you can start to really consider finding happiness in the arms of the other guy.
2007-01-04 17:53:10 · answer #7 · answered by Coolitz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This kind of nonsense makes me nauseous! My wife cheated on me when she THOUGHT I'd cheated on her. Problem was, I DID NOT DO IT! She's such a jealous twit she wound her self up to the point she could not deal with the truth.
You say nothing has happened physically but you do realize... YOU ARE PRESENTLY IN AN CLASSIC STATE OF INFIDELITY! If your husband is now treating you like a queen and you shrug it off, you are a terrible wife and will be one to this "LOVER". You both will cheat on each other if you get together (remember, your cheating right now).
I suggest you try and open your mind and heart to the man you married and is bending over backward to please you.
2007-01-05 03:24:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you in Extra-marital affair? An affair is often a euphemism for a situation where two people are involved in an inappropriate romantic relationship. Other uses include describing meetings or other functions, or tasks that need to be completed. For example, one might say, "I have other affairs to attend to at the moment." It may also refer to a particular business or private activity, as in family affair or private affair.
One of the more negative connotations of the use of "affair" is as a euphemism for a situation where two people are involved in an illicit sexual, romantic and/or passionate attachment, usually for a limited duration. The euphemism is also applied to marital infidelity where one partner has an outside relationship: a liaison. It is sometimes accompanied by scandal.
When used in this context, "affair" usually implies sexual impropriety, but that is not necessarily the case. (For example, in the classic film An Affair to Remember, the love affair in question is generally considered acceptable from a moral standpoint.)
2007-01-04 17:50:29 · answer #9 · answered by aramaiya 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My husband cheated which I hate him for, so definately, I'd look for my happiness in the man that obviously loved me. LOVER
2007-01-04 17:47:40 · answer #10 · answered by next PO 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋