My daughter-in-law just past away and my son is having a hard time coping with raising two small children what

Question

what kind of guidance can I give him or assistance to cope with this situation?

Answer 1

You can only be there for him and the children. Help him through this horrible time, listen, trust in him to find his way back to reality, offer him help. They are dealing with something no one wants to image and no one should have to go though and my thoughts are with your family. You have to be strong so he can be weak. Let him know you love him and you are will be there for him and the kids. Remind him that there are two little ones that need him more that ever right now.

Good luck. I am sorry again for your loss.

Answer 2

My sister lost her husband in May of 2005. He was 30 and she was 31. At the time their kids were 4 years old and 18 months old. She had a very hard time dealing with the death which put a strain on the kids. She got help from our local hospital. They have support groups, etc for things like this and/or they can give you information about the groups.

The first group my sister tried was one for young people who lost their spouse to cancer but it didn't work for her. She came home crying her eyes out every time she went. She finally did find a group that suited and helped her though.

And one thing that really helped her 4 year old daughter was an art class. Now she's in kindergarten and the school psycologist works with her a few times a week.

Best of luck to you and your son.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear that....but I'm pretty sure you hear that a lot lately. What I think the best for him right now is to have some help. You could help him with the kids. Little by little you'll find a way to help him more. Maybe after getting some help, he will have the time to think for himself and mourn because I think that is very important for him to do that. Just be with him and help him as much as you could possibly. In that case you are helping yourself too. Good luck to both of you and God bless you all.

Answer 4

It's really hard to go from married with young children to a widower. I would offer to help your son as much as you can during this difficult time. If your daughter in law's parents have a relationship with the kids, help them maintain that relationship. Hopefully between both sets of grandparents, you can help your son and the kids through this difficult time. If her parents pull away now, it's only going to make the kids feel more abandoned.

You should also let your grandchildren know that it's ok to talk about their mom, remember the good times, cry because they miss her, or get angry because life was unfair to them. Sometimes little kids get the mistaken notion that you can't talk about someone because they died, even though you need to work through your grief. If you can, write down some stories about what you know of her life. I was old enough to remember my mom, but my sisters weren't, and it was really hard on them because no one would talk about her.

As far as the day to day stuff goes, I would recommend helping your son find maids to come in once a week and gradually taper off as your son adjusts to being a single parent. If you cook, making things that you can freeze and then pop in the oven would probably be very welcome. You can also help by making sure that he has necessities in the house, especially for the kids.

If you live far away, you might look into helping him find a mother's helper. When I was in college, some girls would come in after classes, entertain the kids while the parents took care of things like chores, bills, and cooking dinner. They usually ran $5-7 an hour. If he needs childcare during the days, you might want to help him find some leads, since he's probably pretty overwhelmed right now. He may also want you to help interview the daycares/nannies, since your daughter in law may have handled that type of thing.

You also need to make sure your son doesn't slip into depression. It's normal to be depressed when you lose your wife, but if he starts worrying you, try to get him to the doctor for help. He and your grandchildren will thank you for it later.

When my mom died suddenly, my dad slipped into in a pretty bad depression. He would just sit there, not eat, and not go to work for months after the funeral. The lady next door would help out by taking me to do groceries for our house, and letting me "help" her make casseroles for our freezer. She also got us involved with her girl scout troop, so we could still have something closer to a mother figure. She understood that we needed someone who wouldn't take our mom's place, but would be someone we could come to with problems the way we did to our mom.

Answer 5

Let him talk to you and do his grieving. Keep the children for him so he can clear his head. Help him understand his children need him. Just simply be there for him. You know Mothers are always the rock for their children. As long as you are there for him, he will be okay. My condolences to your son and his family and also you. God be with you all during the sad time.

Answer 6

Im sooo sorry.My deepest sympathy to you & yours.I would tell him that it will take time to adjust & be there for him & the children.He may want to find a nanny like person to come in & help out for awhile while going through the grieving process at least.

Answer 7

just be there for him. get him to talk if u think he needs to, and listen. i think thats wot he wants.

don't tell him what to do, but listen to his decisions and see what u can do....
maybe u could offer to take care of the kids for a while......or atleast invite all of them over to stay for a week or two - that way u can keep an eye on all of them
and if there doesn't seem to b much u can do for your son, tyr to keep the kids happy; that way he can't get too depressed for them...

Answer 8

i am very sorry for him as well the children all you can do is be theere for him and the children everytime h looks at the children it will remind him of her be there is all you can do god bless them all. as well as you to. ?