How do I manage my smartass habit?

Question

I am a college freshman, and I really try hard to fix this somewhat childish, immature character that I still carry on.

When I was a little kid, I was kinda a shy person, and I wanted to fix this by keep boosting my pride and emphasizing my intelligence to the others. And this worked very well in managing my shyness, but now I have a bigger problem of being a smartass and an extremely arrogant person.

I do believe that others don't really need to know that I read Nietzche when I was 12 or I did algebra when I was 8, but I tell this to my friends, and make myself a big showing off jerk.

How do you manage yourself in this kind of situation?

Answer 1

Interesting that with all that intelligence you can't figure out how to get along with people.
That's not an insult, just a genuine observation. I know lots of people like this. And I know lots of people who are the exact opposite.
The key here seems to be active listening. It seems people are turned off when the subject goes to you, so deflect it. Make other people the center spotlight and just LISTEN to what they have to say. Come up with questions you'd like to ask people and follow up questions to those questions, and make a point of listening to them, not just hearing. Wait until the person finishes speaking completely and count to 3 in your head before you even THINK of saying anything.
When you do contribute to a conversation, conciseness and brevity are the keys. Think of questions people ask you and think of the briefest way you could answer so that you don't over-explain yourself. Focus on making the OTHER people the center of the conversation.
This is not being shy. Being shy means being a mouse in the corner, tight-lipped no matter what the conversation. But asking questions is the same as being sociable. Benjamin Franklin is a good model of how to attain social skills in this regard.
And see what happens. Work hard.

Answer 2

The fact you would mention the things you did as a child as a method of impressing upon everyone how smart you when you asked the question says a lot.

Are you afraid that people will think you are stupid for some reason? The sexiest trait a person can have is being confident, not arrogant. You don't have to tell people you are smart for them to know it. However, trying to convince them you are will make a horrible impression.

You know how people who really don't have money but want people to think they do never stop talking about it cause they think if they remind people they have this or that, it will impress upon them that they have money? Well it's the same thing. People who really have money don't usually talk about it- they don't need to. And people who are usually really smart and are sure of it don't need to tell others how smart they are.

I hope that makes sense. Your friends will know who you are without you telling them. Let them respect you because you've earned it, not because you paraded yourself around.

Answer 3

Well, dear William I can only say this. Flaunting your knowledge is one thing, BUT do you possess the true wisdom that should go with it? If you don't, then stop boasting about what you know. Besides, that's a real turn off to people. You just may eventually lose your friends as they will get tired of your self-love.

It is one thing to purk up your self confidence, but another when you brag. Not everyone needs Algebra... nor are they required to know the contents of Nietzche. What they usually do is form their own opinions. Arrogance is most certainly not anything like a virtue, but acceptance of others...AS THEY are will win friends and influence people.

If you were to brag to me about your intelligence, I would most certainly compliment you on your achievements. But if your pats to your own back continued, then I would most certainly tell you to 'get over yourself.' Why not listen to hints from others and instead of boasting, offer assistance if they are uncertain of what to do. Don't say..."Well it is my experience...." No one wants to hear about your experience...they are looking for true wisdom. When you acquire that...then and only then can you say you have the world by its tail.

Answer 4

That is a very honest and open question.

For starters, you recognize that you are "showing off," so self-control is the first step. When you are about to respond to, or begin a conversation with others, take a silent moment to think about what you are about to say. Show more interest in what your peers thoughts are on a specific subject and make it a point to say to them "that's a good point, thanks," etc. Most people have something unique and special about themselves that they may like to share at the proper moments.
Being shy is difficult and I admire your strength in overcoming that and your compassion to want to improve yourself. You sound like a great person.

Answer 5

Everyone has talents. Obviously you are a smart kid, but I'm sure everyone else on your campus is too.

Try to talk about things that do not have to directly with you. Ask people questions and focus conversations on other people's feelings.

Answer 6

i say embrace it, it's you. why not reveal things you did that are impressive? just be sure to include the stories of what you did that backfired so we know you are a real person. anyway, i like obnoxious people... especially superior ones.

Answer 7

Next time, keep mouth shut until your mature thoughts are absorbed in your brain, then speak

Answer 8

deadeye was kinda crass, but he gave good advice. simply think before you speak.

Answer 9

if i want people to like me, i just shut up and smile a lot.