When someone says to you: "you should lower your standards" what do you think that means?

Question

And what would you say to that person?

I understand that if you don't have the means to get what you want right now, you have to settle for what you can get. But, that's not lowering your standards. Lowering your standards is giving up on what you really want, and consequently lowering your self-esteem.

Answer 1

It means you are looking for something that can't be found. I would tell them thanks.

Answer 2

Setting goals that are too high. Perhaps they mean that your idea of what is standard - that is "good enough" - is unachievable.

It does not mean your motives for choosing your direction are wrong, just that hitting a target that difficult is unrealistic.

Recheck your ideas of what is "good enough" - and also what stumbling blocks, limitations, and constraints exist.

Chances are you have over-estimated what needs to be done - or missed things that make the target too risky or expensive to try to hit.

Hit the targets you can hit, instead of missing the targets you cannot hit.

Or, it could mean that they are just lazy. Maybe are doing such a good job without excessive effort/difficulty that it makes them look bad.

Some people simply want other people at the top of the success curve to do worse because that lowers expectations for everyone, they think. In some situations, that could cause a group to fail instead of succeed.

You sort of have to know the context. That is: what REALLY has to be done, how well it is being done, and what really motivates the person saying to lower your standards.

They have to know that too, for them to make a valid argument.

Thank them for their input. Ask them to articulate why you need to lower your standards. That means the benefits to you, to them, and to the group.

Also, try to get them to acknowledge what the impact is if you do lower your standards - more hittable targets hit or fewer necessary targets hit?

You should know that some things are doomed to fail as a whole too. Many things. They could be saying do not knock yourself out trying to make a difference on a ask in a project that is going to flop no matter what you do.

Answer 3

It means you have unrealistic expectations. If I said, I want a house, with 5 bedrooms, 5 baths, in the best neighborhood, an acre of lush lawn and an inground pool, and I can only pay 65K, then I will have to 'lower my standards' cause that's just not going to happen.

Usually you find that you are never happy with someone/something and it's always because they have a fault. Rather than your ability to see that they are human, have flaws, just as you do and that they will never be perfect.

As for what you should say to a person who says "You should lower your standards" you can ask them "What would you suggest I lower them to" and that will give you a good idea of exactly what they think you are doing that is 'wrong' to them.

Answer 4

When someone ask you to lower your standards it can mean one of two things. Either they think you are not good enough to ask for what you expect or that you are asking the impossible. I suggest you keep your standards very high. If you don't get what you want, you will get what you deserve.

I would say to Him/her and what do you know about standards? Look where you are.

Answer 5

I think what people are saying is that you have your sights set high and you have high standards in what you want from others. You have expectations of others because you hold yourself to high standards as well. I know that I have high standards when it comes to dating. I have some guidelines I go by, things the guy has to have like a job, paying his own bills, intelligent, etc. and I don't lower them for anyone. But my girlfriends say I need to and that my standards are too high and to hard to meet. They are probably right but I still have them and I have them for myself as a person.

Answer 6

When someone tells me to lower my standards, it's because they think something I'm going after is impossible. To date beautiful women, to turn a house that was crumbling into a beautiful home, to build a business that no longer needs me. All of these things exist outside of most people's realities.

And they don't want to admit that they've spent a lifetime limiting themselves. So they tell you you're being too picky, they tell you to settle for something less than what you desire... because they're too afraid to go after what they really want.

Assuming I actually listened to someone like that, I'd probably say something too crass to repeat here. Or maybe I'd just go wise-a**. Remember: when someone points at you with one hand and says, "You can't do that," they're pointing the other three fingers at themselves. Go for what you want.

Answer 7

I think it means the other person is threatened by your idealism. I would say "screw you." Well, maybe not those words exactly, but I wouldn't bother giving a second's thought to their opinions, and I'd let them know. I'm keeping my standards just where they are, thank you, they're for me, why the hell should someone else care what they are? My happiness is not their business.
Here's some responses:
If it's a woman saying that in regard to my expectations for a potential girlfriend: "Why, are you interested in me?"
Friend in regard to my expectations towards friends: "That's nice, I'll go cross you off my list of friends now."
Any response like "Oh, you think so? Noted. Next?" works. All of the above in a sarcastic, joking tone, of course.

Answer 8

Sorry, but most likely it means (in their opinion of course) that you are trying to score with individuals really out of your league, if you know what I mean. Perhaps, if you haven't been successfull, they are trying to get you a few successes first and then move up. i.e. slaying a few dragons before reaching the princess... you feeling me? However I think many people fall into the category of trying to date or get involved with others out of their league...go for the gold right? and maybe it is our ego's that make us think we are actually in that league to begin with and our friend is trying to help us out by making this comment.

In response, you could ask first "what makes you say that?"

or if you feel a bit insulted you could respond with "you know what , you are right. Thanks. By the way, what's your sister/mom/girlfriend/etc doing tonight?"

Hahahha take care...

Answer 9

My set answer is invariably something along the lines of "What are You trying to say, You want Me to be like You?" normally followed by a slow shake of the head, and a gentle pat on their back.
Standards are set for Us to excel and not merely achieve.

Answer 10

Don't lower your standards for anyone.

Answer 11

They want you to come down to their level of ignorance. They are uncomfortable with your higher level of consciousness and standards so it makes them feel uncomfortable. I would say-Thanks but no thanks. Gauranga! (Gore-runga)-Universal Greeting- May the Greatest good and highest joy be yours. And keep moving forward. I would tell them to read teh Bhagavad Gita as it is By Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada so they can understand the goal of human life.