I've been married for a year and a half and we have a 7 month old baby.Things were great until we got married.He has the shortest temper and we started to argue all the time about stupid things but during these arguments he gets violent.Not with me but he throws things and punches walls and once he pushed me.Once he calmes down i try to talk about it and he says that everything is my fault for making him mad.I want to do cuples therapy but he wont go, so i go, but its not the same.Besides all this i dont trust him.He usually comes home on time from work but if he goes anywhere he wont tell me where hes going and if i ask he gets mad and then i start thinking things.Before we started dating he was in a relationship and he cheated all the time.When we met things seemed to have chaged in him but im afriad hes going back to his old ways.My friend suggested that if it would bring peace of mind i should have someone follow him.But its expensive (i guess) and im scared he'll find out.
2007-01-04 15:38:22 · 9 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have to ask you this, when you were dating did you notice any red flags like him having a temper or some other violent behavior? If so, you shouldn't have married this man.
It could be many reasons to why he gets upset like that. It could be stress at home, at work, or it can be something that had to do when he was little. If he already pushed you and has shown to be a violent man, which makes you feel that you are in a dangerous situation, then you need to get yourself out of there. Of course he's going to blame you for his problems, because he doesn't want to be accountable for his actions, which is called denial.
This should already tell you, that he is not willing to make the effort to get some professional help.
Just read further, you have mentioned that he had cheated before you both were dating, those were red flags I was talking about!! You thought he'd change, but he hasn't, he's gotten worse!
The bottom line is, you can't ask him anything, otherwise he will probably get upset and through a tantrum. So not sure if you can sit down with him and talk like husband and wife without the yelling. Unless you can sit and talk, then you need to ask him straight out if he is cheating on you, or ask him what is bothering him, tell him that you feel insecure and afraid because of his behavior. If he starts getting offensive, then you know that you shouldn't be there. If he starts hitting things or throwing things, then leave the room till he calms down, or leave the house with you baby.
You as a mother are suppose to protect your baby and yourself from a violent man. So when he is not home or at work, you must pack up some things and move with your parents or some other friends. Do not let anyone know where you are. It is most likely they will tell him.
Remember, you can't change this man, unless he is willing to want to change. It is obvious that he isn't ready to be a husband or father. I wish you the best of your safety. Just stay calm for the sake of your child and everything will be okay.
2007-01-04 16:04:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When someone hits you once, you leave him immediately. He is a coward to hit a woman. A man should never hit a woman. If he cheated on you before, you should never married him but that is the past. Well, if he is violent, you need to leave him. For your baby sake. Too many horrible story in the news about spousal abuse. This is called mental abuse. You have to be strong now, if your parents are clsoe by, go and stay with them and tell them the whole story. They will support your decision. Good luck!
2007-01-04 16:11:09 · answer #2 · answered by Paul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the mother of his baby, so you do have the right to know where he's going and plus you guys are married therefore he should tell you. Relationship is about trust but seems like his behavior is kinda off so of course you should find out what he's up too... Sounds like the relationship is not going anywhere, but more drama..... Well take care...
2007-01-04 15:45:30 · answer #3 · answered by Rain L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is very immature, not taking responsibility and putting the blame on you all the time. Sounds like he's an abusive personality too. That doesn't mean he will be physically abusive, but I wouldn't be surprised if he turns out to be. Unfortunately you can't make him go to counseling, but by him not being willing to go that ought to tell you how important your relationship is (isn't) to him. I wouldn't spend the money on having him followed, I'd be stashing money away to be prepared to take care of yourself and your baby by yourself. From the sound of it that's what's going to end up happening.
GOOD LUCK
2007-01-04 15:46:30 · answer #4 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Following him won't help at all. Don't be a spy.
Sit down with your husband, and explain that you miss how things used to be.
Tell him that the violent behaviors are unacceptable, both to you and his child. It is also disrespectful for him to be secretive towards you.
Tell him that in order for your relationship to have a chance to be healthy and survive, he will need to join you in couples' therapy. It is very important to keep the family together.
If he refuses to go, or if he continues to be violent, think of your child's best interests and go someplace safe. His behaviors are dangerous for you and your child.
Remember that you deserve to be with someone who respects you and the relationship, and love you as wholeheartedly as you love them.
Good luck to you, and I hope this helps. :)
2007-01-04 15:47:00 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in an abusive marriage. Things WILL NOT GET BETTER! They will get worse. He will hurt you and possibly kill you, if not with his hands then with some nasty STD.
Document all that he does right after it happens. If he shoves you, threatens you, or more, call the police. If he hurts or threatens to hurt the baby, call the police.
Call a lawyer and get yourself out of that marriage as soon as possible.
2007-01-04 15:44:08 · answer #6 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
oh honey im sorry i hate to say it but it will get worse i also know its easier said then done but i think you should get out before you put anymore into this relationship he may not be violent with you now but do you want your child to see this and become like him. for your safety and your child's get out while you still can!
2007-01-04 15:44:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
why did you marry him knowing he was a cheater? you should really try getting out ASAP. Do it for your baby..you dont want to regret it later on in life..
2007-01-04 15:45:18 · answer #8 · answered by janu014 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you got a real winner here, have some more puppies and run up a whole bunch of credit cards and have fun.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
2007-01-04 15:41:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋