an amusing paragraph or 2 or more that includes these phrases?
1. You are my furry little baby.
2. Chaos broke out when the Schauzer started chasing the French judge.
3. All creatures great and small.
4. That man looks just like a Yorkshire Terrier.
5. I laughed so hard I wet my pants.
6. The purest souls on this planet.
2007-01-04 15:23:14 · 6 answers · asked by I am Sunshine 6 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
It wasn't exactly Cruffs, if you know what I mean, it was merely the Town Festival back home in Ireland in the Summer of 1965, but the way mom was behaving with her old dog, you would certainly think it was. Blackie was a strange mixture, what they call in the East End of London, a Bitza - bits of this, and bits of that. Smaller versions are known as Shoreditch Terriers in the same locality, as years ago now, there used to be a pet market in Club Row, not far from Petticoat Lane. You see, the villianous sellers used to give the dogs sedatives before putting them out for sale. The unwary customers would buy the dog thinking that it was a beautiful peaceful little dog, buy it, take it home and everything was wonderful until the sedative wore off. Then the little docile pet became a ferocious animal and was trained to wreck the place. In the vast majority of cases it was of course put out into the garden where it promptly found an avenue of escape and no matter what part of the country it was in, made it's way back to the original seller in time for next weeks market. Some sellers were proud that they had sold the same dog as many as twenty times during the year. It is all illegal now and the pet market no longer exists.
Well, there was my mom, shampooing Blackie. 'You are my furry little baby, you little rascal you' she purred in the enjoyment of her expectations. She was like that vet in All creatures great and small and you know something, I honestly believe that she and Blackie could talk to, and understand, each other.
The story about Blackie is in itself remarkeable and hardly believable. The previous November, on my twenty-fifth birthday incidentally, Dad died after a long illness. We only lived about five hundred yards from the church and cemetary. Well the day of the burial, all the men walked down and awaited the arrival of the women in the limos. The service and burial took place without any mishap and as we stood in the carpark, the driver held the door of one of the cars open for mom. As true as God, out of nowhere this black dog ran, straight across the carpark, and jumped into the car in front of mom.
Now mom, being a country girl still at heart, was deeply superstitious and came out with the weirdest expression 'Mother of God' she cried ''tis an omen, I tell you all 'tis an omen'. She would not allow the dog to be removed from the car and they drove off as we walked back up the road. In actual fact we got to the house before the cars and awaited mom and the girls. I had the front door of the house open and again, I swear to the fact, the driver opened mom's car, the dog jumped out, ran straight past us into the sitting room and jumped up onto my dad's old armchair. Any attempt to move him failed, not through any vicious actions by the dog, but by my mom's cries 'Oh my God, it's true............'. She didn't have to say anything further but we all knew what she meant. In fact, a year later, I was still thinking of it and actually spoke to the local Priest about reincarnation. He practically called me an idiot and with the swear word preceeding the word idiot, I gave up on that idea forever. Priests I tell you, sure they are nearly as bad as Police Officers.
Now to get back to the dog show. My brother gave mom and the dog a lift down to the seafront where the show was being held. We were obliged to get a bus but because of the crowds there, again we arrived before them while they searched for a place to park.
There were dogs of all shapes and sizes from greyhounds to Lurchers and so many Jack Russell terriers that a fight was inevitable. Chaos broke out when the yappy little dog, a Schauzer started chasing the French judge. It wasn't that he was strictly speaking a judge, it was just that he was a visitor to the town on holiday, and because he was French, he was snatched out of the crowd to pass judgement. When he slipped on the steps leading up to the bandstand, I laughed so hard I wet my pants.
All the contestants had to walk their dogs past the judges and as there were nearly two hundred entered, the judges just looked and that was it. Now when they say that either dogs grow to look like their owners or the other way round it had to be true. There were fat dogs with fat ladies, thin dogs with thin ladies, fluffy poodles with fluffy young ladies and the greyhounds in the company of some very wiry young rascals. There was one total exception.
A man who must have weighed twenty stone and stood well over six feet tall and who was wearing an orangy coloured wig which practically, due to the heat, reached over his eyes, walked up to the judges with his dog. It was a Yorkshire Terrier which some of the greyhounds must have thought was a hare and were waiting for the traps to open. Apart from his size, that man looked just like a Yorkshire Terrier himself.
I think I have gone on long enough, so suffice is to say, that the Yorkie did in fact win. Mom's Darkie came nowhere, and I felt very sad for her. She walked down onto the beach and I watched as they sat on the sand talking to each other. Honestly they were and you know something, at that moment, a moment in my life I shall never forget, they were the purest souls on this planet. Mom and Darkie - both truly champions in their own right.............
2007-01-04 23:05:21 · answer #1 · answered by thomasrobinsonantonio 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Me and my min-pin Pebbles were at the show when Chaos broke out when the Schnauzer started chasing the French judge. I thought it was because that man looks just like a Yorkshire Terrier but turns out (according to Pebbles) that frenchy got a little fresh during the judging. She said she heard him saying how much he loved all creatures great and small while in the rest room earlier. Then during the inspection of the Schnauzer there was an inappropriate touch while he spoke the words "you are my furry little baby" . I don't get it.. Yorkshire Terriers usually have the purest souls on this planet. Then it all hit me, I must have gotten into the the "special treats" by mistake. My Dog can't talk, I laughed so hard I wet my pants.
2007-01-05 00:19:26 · answer #2 · answered by paducahshane1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The American Kennel Show is taking place tomorrow at Madison Square Garden. This will be the first dog show that I have entered my Old English Sheepdog Logan Benwizzen in so I'm not sure what to expect. He is a real beauty and I think he has a lot of potential but he has a great fear of some men and he shows this fear by urinating. I'm hoping he can control his urge and stay calm long enough to win Best of Show.
On the day of the show we awoke early in a hotel room no larger than a closet. Logan Ben, as I loving call him, was hogging the bed. His gray and white hair was a tangled mess and I really couldn't see his eyes through the hair but I knew he was watch my every move. "You are my furry little baby" I said and reached over and snuggled a bit. There was no time to lay around as anyone who owns a Old English Sheepdog can tell you because it takes a lot of grooming to get them ready for a show.
I took a quick shower and got dressed, then we headed across the street to the show. We found the groomer who was going to work her magic on Logan Ben and as we were lifting him up to the table chaos broke out when the Schnauzer started chasing the French Judge. This was a funny sight to see, unfortunately however any misbehavior is an immediate disqualification so the Schnauzer was out of the show. Just goes to show you that all creatures great and small have their own little way of dealing with things that they don't enjoy.
By now the groomer has Logan Ben looking great and just in time as they are calling the Old English Sheepdogs to the ring. We approached the ring and I noticed my luck has run out because there stood the judge who was a stern looking man. I could feel the hesitation in Logans steps as we entered the ring I knew he knew what was next. The judge reached down and ran his hand over Logans coat and suddendly I saw the urine begin to fall. It started out with a small drop or two but within seconds it was a full stream that ruined the judges shoes. The crowds went wild and were laughing uncontrollably but sadly to say we we asked to leave.
As we walked by the spectator stands I looked up and saw a man holding a Yorkshire Terrier. That man looks just like a Yorkshire Terrier I thought and I laughed so hard I wet my pants.
It was an interresting adventure our day at the dog show and I'm pretty certain that we will never be allowed to enter again. That's okay with me if Logan Ben doesn't have a ribbon because to me he will always be Best of the Show no matter what anyone else might think.
A few weeks after the show had taken place, it was shown on TV late one night. The host for the show was stating the purest souls on this planet are dogs but I didn't hear the rest as I was lost in though as I petted my friend.
2007-01-05 10:33:23 · answer #3 · answered by marilynn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The day had finally arrived, the day of the BEST SHOW DOGS competition, where the purest souls on this planet walk around parading themselves as if they had a stick up their butt. Thrilling isn’t it? But oddly enough I love doing it. It gives me a reason to look around at the other dogs and owners and say HAHA I’m better then you, that’s right because we always win. This dog show was special oh very special, this was my chance to prove myself more then I ever have before, I am representing all creatures great and small. Just as we’re walking up to the display table and me strutting my stuff, chaos broke out when the Schnauzer started chasing the French judge. I picked up a few French words that could be useful next time the street bully comes around. But man was it funny, I laughed so hard I wet my pants, well technically speaking. I was literally rolling on the floor, but after my good laugh I had to calm down and take this competition seriously now, every point counts, but something really distracted me that I just now noticed. That man looks just like a Yorkshire terrier, aww but its ok Tim you are my furry little baby. It’s kind of depressing when your human owner looks just like something you could have for a snack.
Tiny,
Best in Show English Mastiff
http://img526.imageshack.us/img526/2964/mastiffsa5.jpg
2007-01-04 23:48:09 · answer #4 · answered by dance2stayalive 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"The purest souls on the planet," a voice cried on the loudspeakers,"Are dogs." I glance down at Biscuit, his soul wasn't the purest, but I loved him. "Yeah," I cooed, bending down next to him,"You're my furry little baby." I peeked around at our competition. All creatures great and small were here. I looked at the judges, and they looked pretty uptight. A French man with a mustache looked down his nose at people, and a woman with ugly hair spoke in a too loud voice. The other judge seemed normal, until he opened his mouth and howled. "Biscuit," I whispered to my precious dog,"That man looks just like a Yorkshire terrier. You know, the howling one." And I swear, Biscuit laughed! He threw his head back and howled along with the judge. They stared at me as we got in to order. Everything went great until the judges got to Maple, the schnauzer. The French judge tried to look at her teeth, and Maple went crazy. Chaos broke out when the schnauzer started chasing the French judge. The laughter was contagious as they tore across the room. I laughed so hard I wet my pants. By the time Maple had a hold of the judges leg, we were on the ground, laughing, crying, and in my case, wetting my pants.
2007-01-05 00:43:20 · answer #5 · answered by polaris grl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That takes too much thought when I'm drunk.
2007-01-04 23:31:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋