My fiance of 2yrs always makes me these big promises, but never follows through. He never buys me gifts, never sends me flowers...nothing. This year for Christmas he promised me a couple of things..what did he give me? Nothing, absolutely nothing! Not even a card or flower. I got him everything he asked, spending $2000 on him. His excuse? His clutch went out on his truck...and had no money. His clutch went out the week before Christmas, which also shows me he waits until the last minute to buy things. I figured since my birthday sucked, he could have at least done SOMETHING nice for me at Christmas.
I love him, and he always says he loves me. He says, "I really do love you, even though you don't believe I do". I have every reason to think he don't love me.
Am I asking too much?
We live together, he don't have THAT many bills & he makes 4 times what I do.
I am ashamed of myself for letting this bother me. But, I am hurt. Am I wrong for being upset or thinking he don't care?
2007-01-04 14:57:20 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Oh, let me add...
He makes $72,000 per yr..
I pay all utilities on my $30,000 per yr.
He pays car insurance, rv insurance, and $700 mortgage. He has PLENTY of money. But, that is not the point.
I would have been happy with a stuffed animal or even dinner...
2007-01-04 15:08:06 · update #1
Also, let me add...
He managed to go on a week long hunting trip the last week of December with his dad, mom, and nephew...
And of course he spent $500 to buy himself a new generator to take with them.
2007-01-04 15:12:18 · update #2
My dear girl, just re-read your question and you will know the answer to your problem.
When I have a dilemma I have always figured that if it was happening to my best friend, what would I advise them to do. Look at this situation as if it was your best friend who was having the problem and see what your answer to her would be.
In your situation I would say that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour and this is probably what your marriage is going to be like.
If you were my daughter I would say DUMP HIM AND MOVE OUT!!!!!
2007-01-05 00:20:56 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're wrong for being upset. I think it's normal to feel bad when we think we're not being respected. It seems to me that he may be very selfish. I assume that he did, at some point, treat you nicely. After all, you're engaged. What you can't do is compare what he does to what you do. I would not spend any more large amounts of money on him like that. If the two of you are living together, I assume you're sharing expenses. If you have $2000 to spend on him at Christmas, how does he not have any money? That doesn't make much sense.
I would talk to him again about how you're feeling. This time, I would sit down with him and explain that you do not feel loved (or whatever your emotions are) and that you aren't expecting him to spend $2000 on you, but you would've been very happy to have gotten a card of flowers. I mean, a card costs..what, $3? It seems as though he simply isn't appreciating you the way he should. Explain to him that it has to change if you are going to get married as planned. You can't be happy in a relationship with a man who takes you for granted.
2007-01-04 23:06:19 · answer #2 · answered by AK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would feel very sad having even a boyfriend like your fiance (again). Do you think you really want to live beside someone who cannot keep his words? I think you´re wasting you time with him (sorry if i´m hurting you, but you know it´s true).
I lived the same experience for almost 5 years! I was completely blind in love with that guy, but i got tired of waiting for him to make his promises real. I gave him lots of chances to change and i told him how i felt, but he kept on going the same way. So, i moved on. It was hard and everybody asked me what happened, after those years wearing that ring and a supposed wedding that never came. I think it was the best i did. I was unhappy and it was not fair. Now, i think that i wasted my time because of him and i wouldn´t like anybody else to go thru the same thing. So, my advice is: Do everything to be happy, it´s your life and your time. Another thing, have you told him the way you feel? Does he know he´s not treating you the way you like? Men don´t guess what we like and want.
2007-01-04 23:11:41 · answer #3 · answered by carolinefec 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to be hurt. I would kick him in the nuts lol... Seriously, have you tried talking to him. Not in a blaming way but rather, in an adult conversation. Maybe his money is really tight, but that don't excuse the fact that he didn't even buy you a $2 card. If talking does not resolve it, then you guys should break up. Imagine how it will be when you guys are married.
2007-01-04 23:02:58 · answer #4 · answered by tarzan428 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would say get rid of this guy, he thinks of no one but himself, it costs nothing to make a card , make a romantic dinner and a little danceing if he could aford nothing , to me he is just feeding you a bunch of bullllllllllllllllll, and if you let him he will continue in this manner, boot HIM
2007-01-04 23:17:58 · answer #5 · answered by shirleylindsay1956 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Materialism is the death of relationships.
Time to look at the person and not the gifts.
2007-01-04 23:02:05 · answer #6 · answered by guru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be ashamed too.....maybe not for the same thing, but ashamed would be the correct emotion.
2007-01-04 23:00:13 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, word doesn't means his heart. but if you can't believe him, than don't. BUT you have to talk to him first about his words and his action.
2007-01-04 23:07:53 · answer #8 · answered by No*Nick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋