I was in a 4 and a half year relationship and I still hurt. It seems hard to get over and like I should be over this. She has totally moved on and is with someone else. I still have contact with her to keep her in my 5 year old sons life since they are best friends and it would kill him not to have her in his life.
2007-01-04 14:54:55 · 12 answers · asked by Chef Bert 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Well, there's no time limit. You can't fit your feelings into a mathematical equation. However, if you truly believe you are having trouble moving on from this experience, you might want to get some professional help. A good therapist can help you pinpoint exactly what is keeping you stuck.
What IS keeping you stuck? :) Generally, the inability to "let go" is powered by fantasy-based thoughts that have nothing to do with what's happening in the real world. Do you hope you will "get back together?" Are you afraid you won't meet anybody else, so you cling to the past image of her? Do you romanticize the relationship you had with her? (In other words, you only think of the good times and never conjure up the bad times.)
These are questions you should start asking yourself, really start looking at what the reason might be. I do think it might be harder because you have to see this woman to continue the relationship she has with your child. Nevertheless, people do move on from exes who have kids, so I think it bears repeating that really examining your feelings around the relationship and your "stuckness" is worth a try.
I would advise you to change your thinking patterns to thoughts that are truly reality-based. For starters, a woman who doesn't want to be with you can't make you happy, for obvious reasons. Just that right there should be cause for you to want to move on. Yes, it's difficult, but you want a woman who can be with you in a way that meets your emotional needs, you meet hers, and the two of you draw from one another to have a healthy and emotionally mature relationship. This scenario obviously didn't include the woman you are speaking of. That's one reality-based thought.
Start thinking of how the relationship didn't work for you. Write it all down. You are not being an "a**hole" thinking of the bad things about her and your relationship - you are being reality-based, and it's the only way to start moving on.
Good luck and keep us posted.
2007-01-04 15:02:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to still hurt after such a long time being in a relationship. The girl may look like she's moved on and is totally alright but take joy in noting that things aren't always as they seem. She's maybe hurting too and is probably trying to cover it up by acting that way. Try to get over it as soon as possible. Good luck.
2007-01-04 15:06:03 · answer #2 · answered by Girl-In-Blue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES of course. I had a 3.5 year relationship and we broke up a year and half ago and I still have dreams with him in it and feel awful if I hear someone talking about him. It was a big part of your life and if it was like me he was your best friend too. It will hurt for a while, but the best way is to distance yourself. Once you have found someone else it makes it a little easier, but it still sucks.
2007-01-04 15:00:23 · answer #3 · answered by mysticalelixir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is definitely normal, but what is disturbing is how to handle the part about her relationship with your son and how you can get closure with that going on. I would definitely seek the advice of a child psycologist or counselor to see if it would be wise to end that relationship, and if so, HOW. If the counselor recommends you not end the relationship between child and ex, then I would see a counselor for yourself to get guidance on how to move past the hurting while still having to see her and know that she has moved on, etc.
2007-01-04 14:59:40 · answer #4 · answered by julesl68 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its perfectly normal. You never really get over tough break ups, from long term relationships. Just try to move on as best as you can.
2007-01-04 14:57:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are normal. She really hasn't moved on; she's just with a different person. Sooner or later, the failing of your relationship will hit her.
2007-01-04 15:00:04 · answer #6 · answered by bfwh218 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should ween your sons off of her. When she is around them - so are you. You are constantly reminded of her. Get out and find someone else. Make the new gal your kids best friends. The gal is out of your life, as far as she sees it. Do likewise.
2007-01-04 15:05:02 · answer #7 · answered by banjo_mccain 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THERE IS ALWAYS GONNA BE SOME PAIN OF LOSING SOMEONE YOU LOVE, BUT YOU JUST HAVE TO SET THAT ASIDE AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. BESIDES IT TAKES TIME TO MOVE ON AFTER A RELATIONSHIP THAT LASTED AS LONG. TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK.
2007-01-04 14:58:05 · answer #8 · answered by sherryw_1978 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
someone i know broke up over a 8 year realationship and is in therapy. ( its been over 2 years ) its normal
2007-01-04 15:19:45 · answer #9 · answered by The Con 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty Normal.
2007-01-04 14:58:18 · answer #10 · answered by You Lames! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋