Can a 45 yo recovering alcoholic ever get married?

Question

I made a wish this year - not a resolution, but just a wish. I asked god if he could find me a wife.

The problem is, I'm unsure what a wife or a potential wife would want from me. I'm 45, a little overweight, a recovering alcoholic and have had lots of girlfriends in my life. I wanted to marry the last one, but I screwed it all up by drinking and cheating on her. I never want to go back there again.

I've never been married before, and find alot of women are looking for a second or third husband and think that there is something wrong with me.

I did start a multi-million dollar software company, which failed in 2003, but I'm trying again. (I started it in 1987 when i got sober the first time)

What do you think is wrong with this picture. Do you think I'd never find a wife? That's what I want most from life.

What can I do to make myself attractive enough so that some woman that I'm equally attracted to will marry me?

NO DATING SERVICE SPAMS PLEASE

Answer 1

How long have you been sober Bill? I know you may feel like it's time to get married, but it sounds like you need to work on you a little bit more. Especially since you are susceptible to addiction and falling off the wagon. I am sure you have probably been through AA, but there are other support groups as well as maybe some individual therapy. The therapy would be more to figure out why you fall into addiction. Possibly find a diagnosis which would offer emotional, even physical exercises to improve your state of mind. Getting involved too soon is basically another dependency if you aren't fully in control of your life. I wish you luck. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Dear Bill, It sounds to me that you have low self esteem. That is the first thing that could be chasing potentials away. Do you talk down about yourself? Just because you're a little heavy doesn't mean that you're unattractive. I am 5'6" and 110 pounds and I love big guys.
I know a 40 something alcoholic and even when he's sober he still talks the b.s. if you know what I mean, so watch your self there.
As for starting a company, go for it! I wish you all the best ;)

Answer 3

First I think you need to ask yourself if you are really capable of having a relationship without drinking interferring, and if you are capable of being faithful. Bottom line - if you aren't capable of those two things, you shouldn't get involved with anyone - no one wants to be put through that. You sound a little unconfident - you should start exercising and eating healthy. In some studies, exercise has shown to be as effective as drugs for depression (not saying you are depressed, but just pushing the idea) and of course will make you look better and increase your confidence.

45 ist still young - my great grandma had a boyfriend at 88 years old.

Answer 4

I wish that I had your sob story. Because your life aint half bad. I am attempting to build a company with grass roots, but at least you have been on both sides. As far as women, and getting married, well only you can decide that. It seems that you gave bachelorhood a good run, maybe you can explain that to your prospects. Most men hit their midlife crisises and want to be bachelors again, you are the opposite. Others divorce their wife about this age and marry the trophy wife. You arent this guy either. You are a good guy. My advice, try someone from another country. I dont mean export them, I mean just a different ethnicity, your own kind are brutal, they feel that something must be wrong with you if someone else hasnt gotten you all ready. Been there, done that, got the bumper sticker and t-shirt. I am 32 no children, and divorced. She interferred with me being a work-a -holic. I chose work. I believe that if we make hay while the sun is shinning then we will have light at twilight.

Answer 5

I would start by focusing on yourself and getting your life back together. Join a gym, start getting into shape. You would be amazed at how that can build your confidence and self-esteem, plus give you an outlet for those tendencies that made you want to drink. In addition, focus on the company you want to get started and get that up and running before you become wrapped up in a new relationship. You do not need the stress of working long hours on your own business (and worrying whether it's going to be successful, etc.), PLUS putting energy into a relationship and being worried about messing that up. You want to give yourself the best chances at success...no sabotaging your efforts! Once you are in shape physically, mentally, and career-wise, I don't think it's going to take very long or be very difficult for women to notice you. :) Hang in there and good luck with everything!

Answer 6

got to seek a godly person, one who believes in god, and has good character, be what u want to attract, if u show her alcoholism that's what kind of person u will attract. but u must love yourself before u can love others. if u want to improve your physical self join a gym. just show the good qualities u seek in her. have self respect, stay sober, as no woman wants to marry an alcoholic. of course u will find a wife, just ask the lord and he will give u what u need. its not so much what is on the outside but what is inside a person. join a church, they have singles groups, u need someone who will compliment u and be there for u, someone who is not selfish and self serving, someone close to your own age if at all possible. we are are flawed in some way, no one is perfect, so don't set your expectations so high that u overlook a good one if she is not model material, as my son often describes people. he has often over looked a good one and picked a wrong one just for her looks. don't go into a relationship thinking no one will want u. got to sell yourself and be the person u wish to attract, as most people aren't attracted to people who think they are loosers. be confident, self assured, have something to offer her, loose weight, it will not only improve your health but your self worth. good luck

Answer 7

Yes, you CAN get married., you're capable! It depends on you, though. Just don't try too hard, know what I mean? Be confident and let others see that in you.

It starts with YOU! You need to first feel good about yourself, as that reflects onto other people, AND, I'm sure you have heard this before, "You have to love yourself before anyone can love you." Get this set in your mind, and start out slow and as I said, have that confidence going and things will be ok.

Answer 8

Just be yourself. Be you...If you feel you are overweight do something about it. Lots of women workout. Join a fitness center get healthy. Yes you will find a wife. There is someone out there for everybody. You will know if the girl you are looking for is the right one. Just don't be picky. Go to Church

Answer 9

I too know Bill and it seems to me that as long as you do what you're supposed to do then he will answer your prayers in time.
I wouldn't rush it because, it could backfire and you end up back on the juice. Come on, you know the rules about relationships in the Big Book. Read it again and stay on the right path, brother.

Answer 10

ever hear of god helps those who help themselves

stop throwing coins into a fointain and crying by your bed

go to a gym and start working out and start seriously dating