Okay....you just witnessed a robbery and are being interviewed on tv. Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2

Question

or more that includes these phrases?
1. A little bank. A little gun. A little cop just spoiled his fun.
2. Yes, you just saved the day....blah,blah,blah.
3. Was that before or after you realized he wasn't Johnny Depp?
4. Oh,drat. I left my autograph book at home.
5. The deranged dry cleaner made his way over to the camera man.
6. If you say that again, I will have to destroy you.

Answer 1

Right off the bat, let me say that Johnny Depp is THE most gorgeously perfect man alive. However, on that fateful day this was the last thing on my mind! I was on my way to the bank to deposit my meager paycheck, calculating in my mind just how little I would have left after paying my bills. My dry cleaner, Mr Chen, smiled when I passed and I waved a hello. I always had a bit of a secret crush on him, he reminded me of Bruce Lee with his compact ,lean, take no prisoners body and he actually did have a black belt in Karate!I often saw him looking menacingly at some of the young punks in the neighborhood when they were acting up and I wondered what would happen if they ever tangled with him.It was told that once during a robbery attempt at his store he had gone totally berserk! As I entered the bank I immediately spotted a denim clad stranger nervously eying the guard while shifting some papers. As he turned his head I realized it was Johnny Depp! My first thought was "Oh, drat. I left my autograph book at home." The next thing I knew the stranger pulled out a gun and waved it at me and the one other customer in the bank."Move to the back and get down on the floor if you dont want any trouble" he yelled. I followed his instruction also noting at the same time that he was at least four inches taller than Johnny Depp and that voice, nobody could be that good of an actor! As he carried out his plan I reached into my purse and felt for the digits 911. As I whispered a few details he was too busy gathering his bounty to notice. Within three minutes the cops were there. Josh Brenner, one of my highschool mates and also the local police officer was the first on the scene. What he lacked in height(he was 5 feet 3inches) he made up in bravado and professionalism.I remembered once in school when one of the guys called him a shrimp he said "if you say that again, I will have to destroy you" He certainly was a big man now! The whole thing was over in a flash with "Johnny" being taken into custody and me being interviewed outside by reporters.Officer Brenner was being praised by everyone, "yes, you just saved the day...blah, blah,blah". As I looked over at Josh I was thinking "a little bank. A little gun. a little cop just spoiled his fun" I laughed to myself at his expense but was brought back to reality by the reporters next question about when I dialed 911. "Was that before or after you realized he wasnt Johnny Depp? "Well, uh, actually it all happened so fast I'm not sure" The cameraman was angling now to try to get a shot of the surrounding area and focused on Chen's Dry Cleaning Store. The deranged drycleaner made his way over to the cameraman shouting "Stop, stop, no filming store, I lose business! I calmed him down, finished up with the reporters and we walked back to the store . "Well ,now that I'm practically a celebrity, maybe I'll let you take me out to lunch" He smiled as he locked the store and we headed down to the local diner. Who needs Johnny Depp anyway!!

Answer 2

No. We are not a cult. We do not: Wear funny hats and robes. Have a group that think its is better than everyone else by wearing a backwards collar. Follow one human man/woman as our leader. Have "secret rituals" or rights. Don't "borrow or steal" our beliefs from pagans just to have some doctrines. We leave all this to the religions of Christendom. They are like that idiot woman who insisted Obama was a Muslin terrorist. They pay no attention to any facts, despite McCain standing in front of her, "No he isn 't." They are afraid of us as we speak the truth about the Bible and Jehovah's purposes. Which is entirely different from what they have been told by their clergy all these years. The only name they know is Jesus. So when asked who is God, they use the only name they know. Never even once asking themselves, "Who did Jesus pray to all that time on earth?" They can't begin to fathom the real Bible is not the venerated King James Translation. The real one is written in Hebrew and Greek. None of them could read it if they tried. We knock on doors. Big deal. At no time did we kick in any door or harm people in any way. That they run and hide under their beds is not our problem, but says a lot about them. Our message is one of hope that is missing in today's world. A person does not want it. Fine, we go to the next house. It is the angels that keep track. We only list the house as "Not at Home". Our work is also a Notification work as well. They know who we are and are afraid to hear it. They refuse to hear what Jehovah has said. Maybe that will change, if there is enough time. Either way, we have done what we are told to do. Their lives and death is in their hands. From South Korea today, an article said 4953 Jehovah's Witnesses and 3 Buddists were in prison for not joining the military. Christians are not to take each others lives or lives in general. So why aren't there Catholics, Baptists, Methodists joining them in those prisons? Why are they in uniform ready to shoot whoever becomes a target? Why are Jehovah's Witnesses the only ones living the Christian life as all are supposed to? Actually doing what Jesus commanded?

Answer 3

'Witnessed a robbery' you say, blinking hell, I was part of it but right now things were beginning to go a little out of sync with the original plan. 'So what' I thought to myself 'I'll have to put Plan B into action.
As Jonny and Steve were speeding down the motorway away from the scene, I was told later that Steve thought it quite funny that I had been collared by one of the local police officers. 'A little bank. A little gun. A little cop just spoiled his fun' Jonny also thought it funny at the time and when he told me later, he said that he was sure I would cover myself with a good story.
The uniformed officer had arrived as the getaway car sped off and when he saw me grab a small child away from the path of the car had remarked 'Yes sir, you just saved the day - blaggers, no respect for human life, they would have surely killed her if you had not grabbed her'. Now that I was more or less in the arms of the law, the back-up plan was that I would confuse the issue by giving a false description and index mark of the car and confusing descriptions of the robbers.
My part in the whole affair was that I would be 'Pavement Artist' while the others did the actual robbery. I would merely be on standby in case things went wrong. My training in the Territorial Army SAS, had equipped me for all sorts of eventualities such as this and although I had a snub-nosed Smith and Wesson revolver tucked into the back of my belt, I had insisted that the actual bullets be removed from the cartridges and cotten wool stuffed into them instead. If need be, they would cause havoc if we had to fire them giving us time to make good our escape.
The mother of the little girl came up and began to thank me profusely 'Oh, drat' she said 'I would like you to sign something as a memento for little Joanne but I left my autograph book at home'. 'Don't worry dear' you can get my name and all that from the police. Tell her to send me a card'.
When the officer had asked for a description of the driver I had said 'Honestly guvnor, I thought they were making a film the way things went. I thought it was that new bloke from the Chocolate Factory who was the lead man'. He looked at me and nodded his head. I was happy that he knew who I meant. 'And the other one' he asked 'Just a geezer' I answered 'nothing special, except that he was as bald as a coot'. I knew that was a lie as Steve was as black as the ace of spades and had an obvious Afro hair style. A good bloke but inclined to be a little hasty at times'.
Suddenly out of nowhere, a mobile TV unit arrived. It appears that it had been covering a local race meeting and had been redirected here for News 24.
'So you thought it was a film' the interviewer asked 'was that before or after you realized he wasn't Jonny Depp'. I almost told him how stupid his question was in fact. 'Before or after what' I thought. 'I think you would be better asking some of the people who were in the bank' I suggested. With that the deranged dry cleaner whom I had been watching since the raid, made his way over to the camera man'.
'It was him - it was him' he shouted at the camera, pointing at me. Geeze, I nearly wet my pants - surely he can't know my part in it. 'Yes' he repeated 'that man is a hero, he saved the little girl from certain death'. 'Phew' I thought out loud 'you frightened the life out of me. If you say that again, I will have to destroy you' I jokingly added.
As the police officer was now well away from me, I saw my chance and slid quietly away into the crowd. After all, noone had my name and I had no record at Scotland Yard. There was a possibility that the TV picture might identify me, but I could always pretend that I wanted no publicity and in any event, I would, if the result of the robbery was what we had expected, be spending the next couple of years on the Costa Del Sol in Spain with some of the other big boys in the criminal world. I had made it at last without firing a shot in anger...............

Answer 4

What?