I HATE MYSLEF SO MUCHH!! how can i stop hating myself for what i've done?

Question

ok, i yelled at math teacher. it happened a lot of times. i didn't mean to yell but i always felt that he didn't like me =\ and he treated all the other girls so nice. so i get mad everytime so i guess i just raise my voice. one time, i even called him racist! it was susposed to b joke at first, but then i kept saying it. and then last week, he couldn't take it anymore and he transfered me outta all my classes. all my classes were with teachers who really loved me. they teached perfectly and i had so many friends to talk to. i had A's in all my classes. there were fun experiemnets to do at science. and even the math teacher i fought with was a very good teacher. and the language arts teacher encouraged me about my writing and the social studies teacher was very cool. now? i have to transfer outta all these wonderful classes and leave my friends and my beloved classmates. now? i only have two teachers. one teacher teach two subjects. all the people in my class are mean. they are loud

they are loud and they don't do their work. one teacher is very strict and gives a lot of hw and tests are very hard too. and if we fail the tests, we fail the class. both class. the other teacher doesn't even teach. and it's only been one week when they transfered me outta my classes. but im falling behind in math and science already. there are so manyh tests every week and i feel that my math and science class are just a waste of time. but nobody cares. i told the principle. he hates me. cuz i abused the priviledge to b in the other class. the conselor hates me too. they don't listen. i told them i can't stand that class. they said there's nothing i can do about it. i really hate myself. today, we got our interims reports and it was at my old hr because it's only been a week so my report was stil lthere. and everyone was so kind to me at my old hr which made me miss it even more. i just can't over it. i miss everything. now everyone in my class are calling me names, hitting me,

and pushing me around. i feel so unwelcomed. i even have to change my pe class and everyone is mean to me there too. before, everyone thought i was funny and laughed at my jokes and they were funny and made me laugh too. and we just joked about everything and stuff.everyone was so freindly there. now? everything is gone. everyone hates me now. i tried to apoligize to my math teacher. but i guess he didn't believe it was from the heart. i wouldn't niether. i was really rude and i was really disrecpectful. but today when i talked to him, he looked at me in that way where i've seen him in my dreams. yes, it has haunted everynight recently. i've been cutting myself lately. but it's only making me feel better for a little while and then i have to keep doing it. but i hate it. cuz i have to scars to hide and i noe i shouldn't do it but school is just hell now. it used to b e good. im usually a very strong person but now everthing is my fault and i don't noe who to take it out on. i can't.

i feel like there is something so heavy on my chest and i can't get rid of it. every day at class, im wondering about the good time that i should b having if i didn't "harass" my math teahcer. now i really wanna kill myself . at home, things are good niether so i really don't have anywhere i can talk to someone anymore. all my friends are in my other classes. im so sorry for making this so damn long. but i just have to type out all that i feel inside. im sorry. but i would truely appreciated it if you could read the whole thing and answer me. so i guess the question is: what should i do now? i really wanna forget about what i've done. but i don't wanna let go of the good times that i had in my other classes. they were the best times in all my middle school years. i realy hate myself. and i hate myself for cutting. please help?

Answer 1

You're emotionally unstable and unable to deal with difficult situations. But you're only in middle school, and that's to be expected, because a lot of kids have difficulties getting through their teen years. I feel that what was going on is that your teacher was harassing you on some subtle level, a level that's hard to detect when you're so young. And now you're taking it out on yourself, because you're angry at him, and feel guilty because you didn't give him the necessary respect. Life handed you a hot potato and you didn't know how to get rid of it without burning yourself in the process. Even though your classes seem to be more difficult, you can probably get through them by realizing that you were victimized by your teacher. So cool down, put your nose to the grindstone, and be willing to work hard. Remember this, your classes will be different next year, with different teachers, and all this hurtful stuff will be behind you. I know, because I just finished a semester at college where I was being harassed by a professor. When the moment of confrontation came, I told the truth. As a result, my final projects were graded by the Department Head instead of him, thank god. My grade didn't turn out as good as it would've have, if I could have had a normal student/teacher relationship. But it was still ok. I told myself repeatedly that my dignity and self-respect were more important than getting the best grade. You're lucky that you're learning this lesson early in life, because you will run across people who try to treat you badly. It's part of life, and you need to learn the best possibe way to deal with these difficult situations when they arise. My final words: stop blaming yourself, let go of your anger at yourself, and at the teacher. You're safe and away from him. Bite the bullet for now and get through the rest of the school year without incident. You need to prove to everyone that you can get back on track. You're smart and I believe you can do this. Good luck.

Answer 2

Okay, first thing. This might be a little mean, but you're stupid. People who cut are stupid. People who confess they cut are idiotic and whoring themselves out for attention.

Well, now that the harsh part is over with here's some more bad news:

It's your fault so get over it. Everyone has to take the consequences of their actions and you are no exception.

Maybe everyone hates you now because you act like you are better than they are. You seem to think that you don't deserve to be where you are when you do. You think that by being sorry things should go back to the way they were, but the bottom line is if you're sorry for something you should have never done it in the first place.

Anothing thing is that you only seem to be sorry because of these consequences. If he hadn't gotten you moved out, you probably would have continued harrassing him and how do you expect someone to deal with that? You Do Not annoy someone who has authority over you if you don't want to take the consequences.

He was right, you are wrong, so just get over it.

Answer 3

I would take this situaiton as a learning lession. We get a reaction to every action.(Karma) You are just luckey you got yours as soon as you did the wrong thing so you could learn your lesson. Don't hate yourself That was not you who yelled. That was your conditioned self which you can change. This is just an opportunity to change. Now you know to control your tongue when you are mad. We can get into a lot of trouble with this tongue. The best utilization of the tongue is to chant the Maha Mantra (the great mantra for deliverance from suffering and illusion ) go to krishnaculture. for details . Read Bhagavad Gita as it is By Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada- tells one the prupose of human life and about Karma and Reincarnation. etc. It is good you have a conscience. Some people would not feel bad because they are less than animals. We can learn to raise our consciousness to our true highest self.

Answer 4

You are there to get an education, young lady. If I had yelled at my teacher, I would have my *** torn up twice. once by him and once when I got home. Buckle down and do what you are there for. Whether you know it or not , it's a tough world out there and you need to start preparing for it. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Maybe you need to think about anger management classes to help get you temper under control. No offense--but you can get along with you teachers if you want to--you just need a little help.

Answer 6

Have you checked into home schooling, private schooling or Christian schooling? It's really tough being in public schools today, if that is where you are.

Answer 7

If it was your English/diction/spelling teacher who kicked you out of class, you did the right thing. He was failing at his vocation.

Answer 8

feel better now that you got that off your chest

Answer 9

"teached" isn't a word so I'd rethink how well they taught you.