I am 33 yrs old and my husband is 39.This is my third marriage and i have two children twins daughter and son that are 9 yrs old from my last marriage.My husband has 3 children from his previous marriage ages 15 , 10 , and 7.We have a 5 bedroom home and his children stay over on the weekend it feels like a never ending fight!I also am expecting in three months and need stress coping methods for this?The ex. wife hates me so i wont go their but any advise?
2007-01-04 14:20:51 · 5 answers · asked by Elizabeth S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have a blended family of five children. Our kids all live together with us full time. They get along GREAT. We have set very clear boundaries on what is acceptable and we give them consequences. When they were younger we treated bickering like the worst thing they could do. If they were arguing over a toy we took the toy away saying "when this object became more important than your sibling, it needed to go. " If they were fighting over the tv or a video game, we shut it off for the rest of the day. They quickly learned that "things" were not as important as each other.
Kids need to learn that their relationships are something to value. Most people are shocked by how well our kids get along.
Best wishes to you and God Bless.
2007-01-04 15:27:14 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FAMILY COUNSELING. If you won't go there then
1. sit down with the older children
2. Have a conversation with them
3. Set some basic grown rules such as,
one person speaks at a time and that person
must lay it all on the table no holding back,
no one speaks while that one person is speaking,
everyone must restrain themselves from making interrupting sounds or physical movement,
everyone must really use their ears,
everyone must respect the others feeling whether they like what they are hearing or not,
everyone must have the freedom to choose the words and or the phrases that best descibe what they are feeling and want to say, everyone must be honest and tell the truth at all times during this conversation.
When you all have had a chance to speak your mind, you can then go back and talk, discuss what the other has said.
I did this when i married my nusband 30 years ago he had 3 children 14, and 12, and 3 months, I had a 9 and 1 years old. The older children were the ones that were stirring the pot so I said if they want to stir the pot might as well ask what was in the pot. So I straight up asked them, so what gives, whats what etc., they flat out told me that I was the problem and that I wasn't their mother and what the heck is (and I am not using the word they actually used ha ha) up with the 2 brats, etc. when they finished they were exhausted from spewing all this venon and it was not me or my kids they were really mad at it it was their dad and mom. We have been close ever since they call me mom and they call my so call brats their brother and sister. It took more than one conversation but it really worked.
Giving them the freedom to speak really speak made them feel as if I wanted to understand. hope this helps good luck with your new little one and the young ones.
The ones that are 9 years and 7 will take their q's from the older ones. Speak to them as well they just may need extra affection and attention from you and theirs. I know that this will be hard with a new one on its way but hopfully you all will be alittle more kinder to each other by then.
my first response is the best go to family counseling. Good luck and God bless
2007-01-04 23:16:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man i feel sorry for you, one thing i will say is that you and your husband need to be together on everything, so one kid can not go to you and say dad said i could do this when you said no.
Make a set of rules and stick with them and have punishments to follow. you can not make kids get along but you can make the weekends quiter.
2007-01-04 22:45:12 · answer #3 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to discipline your children, if they are fighting you need to seperate them. None of the children should be rewarded for fighting. They should be given incentives to get along, and have things taken away if they have been fighting ridiculously.
2007-01-04 22:25:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First it starts with the other mother and your husband. You guys need to have dinner to sit and talk. Then you ALL should sit and talk to the children. COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY. Your all ADULTS right?
2007-01-04 22:29:54 · answer #5 · answered by Peek@u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋