I started seeing a guy, who was 40. I'm 23, soon to be 24. I just found out, I'm pregnant with his child. We haven't been together a month yet...but he's assured me that he wants to be with me (hinting at the 'M' word) But obviously I feel like this is moving too fast. He's never been married, no children, great job and a fun, athletically built man. I must admit that he is in 20 times better shape sexually and physically then any 20 or 30 something man I've dated. So I guess what I'm confused about is, whether I should continue this pregnancy----knowing that my child's father will look like a grandaddy and I'll still be a hot mama. Also, I am NOT into him for money or lucrative benifits, because I feel he has more to gain by being with a younger woman, than I do by being with a older man. I just don't want to make a HUGE mistake and forever be attached to this 'old' man, while I may miss my call at younger, mutual age love. Any expereinced advice would be PREFERRED...Thanks a BUNCH!!!
2007-01-04 13:32:07 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Sometimes a man in his 40's is mature, ready to settle down and stop playing the field, ready to commit and raise a family. If you want a sure thing, stick with the 40 yr old. Trust me, he will not let himself fall apart if he loves you and wants to keep you interested. Give him a chance to show you true love and help you raise your baby. 20-something men can be irresponsible and not ready to commit to helping you raise a family. You have a lot to gain by being with a 40 yr old - mainly stability. Best wishes.
2007-01-04 13:41:00 · answer #1 · answered by CoffeeBreak 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If I was you I wouldn't abort the baby but I also wouldn't rush into marriage where you haven't even been together a month. I can see your concern with the age difference but until you really get to know him and are together for sometime why break up a what could be a wonderful thing with a child to show for it. Age is not everything its what is inside the person that matters most. I have dated mostly older men since I was 18. I see nothing wrong with it. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first child, a son. I am not married. I am 28 years old and the father of my baby is 41 years old. We got together in April and I found out I was pregnant in May. We've been together ever since. While we are not planning a wedding anytime soon, he has been there for me through out the pregnancy. Congrats and Good luck!! If you ever just want to talk feel free to e-mail me at bigandrichgal@yahoo.com.
2007-01-04 14:33:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm - i think you need to look at this in sections:
1. Do you want baby?
2. Do you want to be with baby's father?
These are two seperate questions - you don't HAVE to stay with the man just because you want to keep baby. If you kept baby and decided to break up with him thats your choice. If you two gave the relationship a chance and it didn't work out then thats fine too. But you don't need to be romantically involved with him if you don't choose to be. You could have baby and still have a chance at meeting your "younger mutual age love".
As to looking like a "grandaddy" - well whether thats true or not is besides the point. Looking young or old doesn't determine what sort of father he will be. Look past that at the person that he is and see what sort of father he will make to your baby. Will he be reliable? Loving? Available? etc. That will count more in the long run that his physical appearance. Your baby will need responsible parents who will do right by the child, not "young looking" ones - when raising a child, that counts for nothing.
Good luck.
2007-01-04 14:13:58 · answer #3 · answered by Smiley One 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you're ready to be a mother, your best option may be to abort the pregnancy. Motherhood is a difficult job when the baby is planned and wanted; it's a horrendous job if the child is NOT wanted. If you have the baby, you can give it up for adoption, but the father will have some say-so in that instance, and you will have a connection to him for the rest of your life. I agree with you that a single month with ANY man is not nearly enough time to know if you want to marry him.
I would also say that if the only thing you're worried about is daddy's looks and physical shape, you are by no means mature enough to be a mother.
2007-01-04 13:39:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Verbal Vixen....
We know you from such unresolved dramas as:
Three Months Ago (and still in voting)
1. Is it normal to cramp a full week before your period, or could it be pregnancy? I see you overcame your ovulation pain and have managed to conceive....
Three Months Ago (and still in voting)
2. Is it true what they say, that if it's meant to be...it'll come back to you? How's that boyfriend involved in the high-risk trial in another state coming along?
One Week Ago (and waiting for you to consign this one to the eternal voting vortex):
3. How do you stick to your guns after giving a guy the boot? When will you be posting your questions about STD's, I wonder? And where do you find the time to spend online? You seem so busy with all of these men & relationship situations....
One Week Ago (and also awaiting entry into the ether of voting heaven or hell):
4. GUYS!!! ANSWER PLEASE!! Why would a guy reappear, just to contiune the same behavoir??? This question is not your usual signature grammar and spelling. Borrowed from a different site, or did you actually compose this question yourself?
Where DO you find your material Ms. V :D? Plaguerizing poor Dear Abby again? Or are you a sociology major casting out nets for unsuspecting lab rats here on Yahoo Answers?
2007-01-04 16:19:56 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, 40 only SEEMS old to you, because you're 23. LOTS of people have kids after 40...even more men than women. Secondly, don't marry anyone unless you really want to. We're not in the 1930's anymore. He doesn't have to marry you to save your reputation. As far as aborting goes...I can't tell you what to do but I personally wouldn't. I ESPECIALLY wouldn't do it for the reason that the father is 40. There is always adoption if you decide to carry the child, and end up NOT being with the father...and not wishing to raise a child as a single parent.
2007-01-04 13:37:01 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you just found out you are pregnant, you are probably only 4 or 5 weeks along. And you say you haven't been with this guy a month yet? Was your baby concieved on your first date?
I don't see anything wrong with the age difference, so don't let that be a factor in your decisions. Of course continue the pregnancy. If you don't want to commit to this guy for the long haul, adopt it out to a family that DOES want it. Don't let your baby grow up without a loving dad (toward baby AND mom) in the home.
My sister met a guy in another state, hit it off, met with him off and on for a couple months, and after spending a total of 11 physical days with him, announced she was pregnant. They talked it over, decided to make it worked, got married in Reno, and headed off to California to start their lives together. They had a beautiful wedding this past May, and their little 2 year old was the ring bearer. It made for some adorable wedding pics, and everything is going well.
You got yourself in this situation, you need to make a decision on what little info you have. Keep the baby and make a family for him/her, or adopt it out and then get to know this guy you are dating.
Good luck!! My heart goes out to you.
2007-01-04 13:52:15 · answer #7 · answered by Margie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may regret being with him, but I'd say that the relationship started "going too fast" when you started having unprotected sex. The decision, not to scare or judge you, was made with the conception of your child, and now, the choice is basically what to name him or her. I have written and studied, and may I say definitively that no regret will compare to that felt as a result of an abortion. There are always regrets, but they still sound manageable to you, and the man does seem respectable, because he does want marriage, rather than to just dump you like hot potatoes, as some would. I don't want to be scary, but to encourage you to do the right thing for your unborn child, and your total well-being. Good luck.
2007-01-04 13:40:41 · answer #8 · answered by seth220993 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friends went through the exact same thing! almost entirely the same. They asked me what i thought and i suggested that they do the adoption thing. She may not agree with it now but considering her age and everything its a way better idea then taking the life of an unborn child. There are HUNDREDS of couples that cant conceive so you guys should consider looking into that! I'm sure if she did 100% decided to keep the child and not put him up for adoption that you would be a great dad without a doubt! but you and her need to discuss all the scenarios. Good Luck and I do hope it turns out well for you!
2016-05-23 04:29:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mentione being in love, what the relationship is about and if your parents know?
I personally don't think that there's a problem if you are in love. Actually most guys i know wait till late 30's even 40. My hubby is 11 years older than me and we have an 18 month old. I am 28 and he's going to be 40 in a few months. Please give us more details for better advice. ;) Good Luck
2007-01-04 13:54:32 · answer #10 · answered by joy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋