I am in such a mess?

Question

My husband left me 3 days ago, I found a note that he is under pressure and cannot handle the stress anylonger. I love him so much. I had no idea anything was wrong. I am just heart broken. But now the biggest problem is that I have three small boys. I have never worked in our ten year marriage, I do not have any skills. I have no way to pay the rent or even the utilities bills, come to think of it. I cannot even make the car payment. I am sick, I have no clue what to do. He took everything out of savings except for $325. I went to public aid yesterday, they said they could give me food stamps, but that is all. How do I pay the rent? Utilities? Where can I find a job that pays more then $6 an hour? How can I afford to pay a babysitter? How could he have done this to me? I am so scared !!!! I have no family here, my Father lives in Arizonia, but he is on a limited income. What do I do? Where do I start? Where do I come up with rent for the 15th of the month. He was my life.

I cannot go after him for child support, I have no clue where he is. I dont even have a babysitter to even go try and look for a job.

WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN TURN IN THE CAR...HOW DO I FIND A JOB, TAKE MY SON TO SCHOOL

Answer 1

Hi Lisa,

First question, is he the father of the kids, or adopted father/legal guardian ?? If so,, he doesn’t get any “free pass”, or “take the money and run” which is what the little boy did.

Ok,, Cowboy up Girl !! Find your closest free legal aid,(GET AN ATTORNEY!) he has a legal obligation to support the kids. Get a judge to grant temporary child support, (he’ll find out just how expensive his little midlife crisis is!!) 3 kids, should be able to get at least $1500-1800+/month just for the kids, you should also be able to get temporary support also. You know where he works, so if necessary child support can be garnished directly from his wages!

Check with you local recourses there’s help out there for women exactly in your position. They can get you training for a job, reduced/free baby sitting/ etc..

Also check with support group(s) in your area, You are NOT the first wife this has happened to and sadly not the Last!

Remember marriage is a partnership, and if one partner decides he doesn’t want to play anymore he doesn’t get to take all the money, etc. and just leave.

I do feel bad for ya, this sucks BUT it’s completely survivable !! You will come out the other side of this situation a STRONGER WOMAN !!

Answer 2

OK, time to grow up. This is a tough one, but lets start with how this happened. You know the incredible fear and pressure you're feeling? This is what your husband must have been feeling every day. And you had "no idea" anything was wrong? Was he a jerk to leave, Yep. A bigger jerk to take the cash? Yep. Nuff of that, you've got kids to feed. If you have a religious faith, get to the nearest church and ask for help. Get back to public aid and ask for emergency housing. Hold a garage sale, sell everything that's not nailed down to raise cash. Sell it so you don't have to move it. Shut off the cable, Turn down the heat, every dime you don't spend keeps you from starvation. Take the car to the bank and turn it in, tell them your husband abandoned you. Let it ruin his credit too. Before you turn in the car, drive to the free legal clinic and ask for help garnisheeing your husbands wages. Find your husband and tell him you will get a job immediately at night if he'll work days (whichever is opposite shift) so you can take turn watching the kids. You know he's weak and can't be trusted, BUT you have kids to feed. Hey, maybe after he watches the kids, he'll appreciate what you do! Start tomorrow morning. You don't have ANY time to waste. Every day you spend crying burns another 24 hours. You don't have the luxury of regrets. You've got kids to feed. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I am sorry for all the troubles you are dealing with and hope you can get out of this trouble.
Just remember, you are not alone. THere are other females that have struggled and found ways to overcome it. It is sad that your man walked away. Leaving you and the kids is a cowardly move. I can see if he had left and yet left you with money to maintain until the divorce but this way? WOW!
Apply for unemployment! Try to get WIC. Along with your foodstamps. From there, try to seek the first available job. While you are working, seek for anther that will pay more.
Sorry for your troubles!

Answer 4

Unfortunately, this is quite common. I am truly sorry to hear this. First, you need to pray for strength, guidance, and understanding. You have three small children that need you to have a sound mind at this very moment. First, you can seek public assistance. They may have vouchers to pay for childcare for you children while you search for a job or go to school. Is your father healthy enough to watch the boys while you worked and went to school?

Oh, your husband was not your life. It may seem like it. But thank God for a new beginning in a new year. Good Luck!! You'll be in my prayers.

Answer 5

I am truly sorry for what happened to you. Unfortunately, you're not the only woman, or the first to be in this position. I'm sure there are social services and state funded legal advisors to help you get child support. I know you still love him; but right now, you need to smart and take of your kids. Forget about loving and all that! Your kids welfare should be the most important thing in your life right now. Go ahead and get food stamps to get them food and necessities. And last but not least, pray to God. He will open doors for you. I hope you well, I'm so sorry.

Answer 6

You need to get government help , and track his butt down for child support, spousal support, he needs to pay for those things he paid for before, its not your fault he left. If you know where he went, you need to try to get a pro bono or free lawyer to garnish his wages for these things, if he pays you willing ly mae sure they are checks or can be accounted for, you dont want him saying he paid you when he did indeed not. Personally i would seek the help of a shelter, or a womens church they are equipped for this type of thing !! Good luck

Answer 7

He owes you child support and alimony and he owes it to you now!

Answer 8

i am so sary hony. you have to get up and be strong for the kids. every body has skills you just have to find them. i know it is hard to go throw that. you just put him out of your mind and do wat you have to . wine my men done that to me i sold all his stuff..
good luke hony.