I'm the oldest of six...my b/f is an only child.....my family has traditions that they are willing to set aside just so not to cause conflict his mother wants every thing her way and want all her advice taken.....i respect her opinion but he and i are going to raise our baby our way....she doesnt seem to get that......she wants to be in the delivery room and i wouldnt have a problem with this but i can only have 2ppl in there....(my b/f and 1 oher person)...it is a family tradition that the mother of the woman giving birth is in the room....if i let his mom in my mom cant come in.....his mom said that if she cant come in then my mom shouldnt be in there either.... i dont want to hurt his mother feeling but i really want and need my mother in the delivery room....i'm my mother first born and i want he to b there when i give birth to my little girl......her mother was ther when i was born....my great granmother was there when she was born.....i dont want to break tradition...what 2 do
2007-01-04 11:53:46 · 14 answers · asked by devoe442004 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I know how you feel, my fiances mother is a bit like this - i've learnt that sparing her feelings doesn't work, i am always polite when i tell her my decisions but i make sure she understands that she needs to respect my decisions.
As to the delivery room - girl this is your body, your baby and your delivery - you need your mum there and there should be NO guilt felt by you. My mom is coming in with me, the "MIL to be" is not. That is my right and my decision to make and i refuse to be pressured or guilted into doing something i don't want to do (such as have future MIL there). It will be stressful enough for me already - i'm not prepared to take on any added stress from her.
I told her this - as i said very politely (she is, afterall, a lovely woman - just a bit pushy sometimes about baby) yet without any room for argument. We have come to a truce (its taken 6months) - this is my pregnancy and things will be done my way. She's learning to deal with it. Fortunately my fiance is very supportive of my view so that makes it easier too.
Good luck - don't let her dictate who can and cannot be in the delivery room - thats your decision to make. Tell her, she might get a bit upset but she'll come around.. she'll have too.. you're carrying her grandchild!
2007-01-04 13:19:25 · answer #1 · answered by Smiley One 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One this is your child... you don't want to have someone in the delivery room that is going to make you stress out while you are delivering.. two she can't say if she isn't in their then your mother can't be. Every daughter wants her mother in the room .. not their mother in law. She may have only one child... but your parents are being more the gracious to her. I'm sorry but she needs to grow up and become an adult. This is the time for you and your boyfriend to decide what is going to be done and how it is going to be done. I would say forgo her feelings and have your bother with you... it is a tradition and she should respect that. She needs to get more respect for you and your boyfriend. She shouldn't crowd you, stress you, or tell you what you can and can not do. I'm sorry but i would just let her no its a tradition in your family to have your mother at your side and you will feel more comfortable when your mother is there then it would if she was there. Don't worry if you hurt her feelings.. this is your birth not hers...
2007-01-04 12:40:02 · answer #2 · answered by sleepyincarolina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, i have the exact same problem. The only thing i can come up with is too bad for his mother. I mean no matter how you say anything it seems like she will be offened. So just worry about you and your baby. And she will have to get over it. And he (your boyfriend) should understand. Plus his mother sounds spoiled and b*tchy so let her rant and rave but you and the baby are most important. If you need your mom in there then have her go in with you. After all his (your boyfriends) mother is not your mother. Go with what feels right and not something you may stress about while your giving birth. That is stress full enough.
2007-01-04 12:06:06 · answer #3 · answered by kittens1377 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats just silly. She should know that you would want your mom in with you. I'm the same way. I watch a baby story all the time and the girl always wants her mom with her. I would try and explain it to her or if you're not comfortable with it, get your bf to explain it to her. She should understand and if she doesn't then imagine what a problem shes going to be when you actually have the baby! I hate seeing the grandmothers on tv trying to take over everything when the mother brings home the baby at first.
2007-01-04 13:50:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well let me tell you Honey .. you just need to tell her that you want your mom and your boyfriend in there. She needs to respect that. It is a very private moment and man you have enough people looking down there you don't need another.. just let her know that this is what you really want.. and maybe the next baby you have well maybe you can trade off parents, but yes she does need to respect you and not stress you out! If she dosent understand well then ya tried but hey honey.. this is hust the tip of the ice burg. she is going to try to tell you everything.. just grin and bear it.. also she may have some good idea's so you should really be open to it a lil OK. especially since this is your first. Good luck
2007-01-04 12:06:16 · answer #5 · answered by michelle b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there before... my first born, and my mother in law stayed in the room instead of MY grandmother who traved several miles to be there for.... My sugestions are to pull the mother in law aside from your husband and explain to her that you are only alowd to have 2 people in the room while giving birth and while you would "like" to have her in the room you feel much more comfortable with your own mom and that she can be the first one in after delivery room after baby is born. This way it gives her comfort in knowing she is included too. Trust me i was pissed after my mother in law stayed in the room for months after... You dont want to bring a baby into the world already in conflict with grandparents, it sucks!
2007-01-04 12:10:25 · answer #6 · answered by amylynn1976 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay well...this is you and your bf's baby! It is your decision who you want in the delivery room with you. Tell her that you need your mom there for support for you and you need your boyfriend in there because he is the daddy! If she still doesn't understand then don't bother, have your bf call her when you are already in labor and the nurses will keep her out for you. Although with my first I was allowed 3 people in the room. Call the hosp. you are delivering at and see if that is a possibility! Hope that helps!
2007-01-04 11:58:34 · answer #7 · answered by jule9104 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Allow your mother in the room. This is your delivery and your choice. If your b/f mother has a problem with that then she needs to deal with it herself. It is only fair that your mom should be there and have first priority. That is my opinion. Good luck.
2007-01-04 11:58:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can totally relate! Even though my MIL wasn't asking to be in the room at delivery she pretty much acted alot like it was her baby! I too was not married to my boyfriend during pregancy/delivery. I think this can complicate the already complicated area of family. I think my MIL had a hard time viewing me as her sons partner and a hard time realizing that this was a time for us to be there for one another as a couple. I did end up having my mother in the room for delivery and I can honestly say I couldn't have done it without her!
I know dealing with MIL can cause a ton of stress but from experience I would say set limit- tell her in a direct way your intentions and wishes but make an effort to maintain a good vibe between you and her for the sake of your bf. My MIL use to drive me nuts with her emotional reactions to everything- but I realized I couldn't control her actions just my reaction. I use to resent feeling like she got her way after causing a stink. I also realized when our baby was little how much the negativity between my MIL and me was stressing my bf out. From that point on, I made an effort with her (not because I was giving in to her) but because I was trying to ease the stress on him. Things eventually got better as she adjusted to his new role in mine and our daughter's life. So be true to yourself, discuss it with your partner but also make she your MIL feels included in the experience
2007-01-04 12:16:30 · answer #9 · answered by tessie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just outright tell the m-i-l to back off.
She had her baby her way, now it's for you to have your baby your way.
Was her m-i-l there when she gave birth? I doubt it, so tell her of the tradition, and that it's something special for you. You don't want to regret going against tradition, because then you would end up resenting her.
Tell her that you respect her too much to want to have feelings of resentment towards her.
2007-01-04 12:00:30 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋