my only true love and i want to be together. my wife is a good person and has done nothing wrong. unfortunately i have never been in love with her but she has been my best friend. her mom just died two days before i had planned to tell her that our separation would be permanite. she is hurting so bad. under these circumstances how long should i wait to tell her? i want to help her but my heart is with my first love, and i love her completely. how should i go about this and hurt her the least. i need to be with my one true love? i need help!
2007-01-04 11:35:26 · 20 answers · asked by cat eyes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are not doing her any favors by stringing her along. But, you should be there for her if she is your friend. Just don't give her false hopes about the future. Ask her what she needs from you and then try to be there for her. If you are already seperated it shouldn't be shocking to her that you don't want to be with her.
2007-01-04 11:38:47 · answer #1 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends on how long you have been separated. If all of this was pretty recent, then you may want to give her a bit of time to grieve first. That being said, you aren't doing either one of you a favor by waiting. My husband and I have been separated for over two years. Many things have post-poned the divorce and each time it costs more money and causes more heart ache. I just found out he has a life threatening illness and I considered waiting longer before finalizing our divorce. But after much thought I have decided to go ahead and get it done. Better to rip it off like a band-aid. Get it over with. You can still be sensitive and still be there for her as her friend.
2007-01-04 19:42:26 · answer #2 · answered by sammiejane67 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. This is a tough one, even for me. I am in the exact same situation, but my wife's mom hasn't died. All I can say to you is, wait a little while longer, just how long I'm not sure. Because this could be the straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak. and it's no telling what the outcome will be. But I do understand that your heart is elsewhere... Perhaps counselling would cushion the blow a little. If you are a Christian, pray about it.
2007-01-04 19:42:24 · answer #3 · answered by warriorpoet72002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have absolutely no sympathy from me, buddy.
The best thing that you can do for your wife right now is to break off the affair that you're having, move back in with her, and work on your marriage. You promised in your wedding vows to love, honor, and cherish her till death do you part -- NOT "until I find someone else who I like better."
May this be a wake-up call to you, a reality check. She needs you right now and you need to break away from your ridiculous fantasy world where the "only true love" is the perfect person who will never hurt you or disappoint you. Grow up, and take responsibility. You know what the right thing is -- do it.
2007-01-04 19:42:14 · answer #4 · answered by wnk 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dang, she is losing two people that she loves. I can only imagine what she would feel. Honestly, wait until he mother is laid to rest and then explain to her what's going on with you. I sure hope you are making the right decision. I've always noticed when a spouse leaves his or her household for another lover, the new relationship never works. Good Luck to you and may God bless your wife during her times of sorrow.
2007-01-04 19:57:52 · answer #5 · answered by Shay 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should never have married her if you didn't love or want her. She will see herself as being a fill in until you could get to the other woman. Hopefully, with all the pain & stress she's dealing with about now you won't get the worst side of what she's capable of doing. Give her atleast a month if she's worth the time she's spent pacifying you for your true love. You are a piece of work!
2007-01-04 19:42:27 · answer #6 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, never marry someone thatyou don't love. Smooth move on your part. You are already seperated, divorce is the next step. It should be of no surprise to her, unless you have been telling her that you two may have a chance and if that is the case, you are first rate bastard.
Just tell her that you never really loved her and just used her all this time for some cheap thrill and that it is over.
2007-01-04 19:40:17 · answer #7 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
can't u and your new woman wait a Little longer, your really selfish, and don't think for a moment that this will bring u the happiness u seek, as there is something they call karma, that always comes, when u hurt others. why did u marry her? u really did her an injustice. u are very selfish and have no concern about your wife, all u can think of is being with this homeworker. shame on u.
2007-01-04 19:48:35 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a really tough situation. I think you should wait a bit. It might be too much at this point for her to hear this. But don't wait too long, you don't want to string her along. Just wait abit and you'll know when the timing is right.
2007-01-04 19:40:51 · answer #9 · answered by Jane D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you had an affair with her mother, maybe this will stick that knife a little deeper in her back. Quite honestly, I think you are very cruel, and if you think your new fling is going to be any different in a few years, guess again! How would you feel if your wife did this to you? Quite honestly, I hope her dead mother is watching you and haunts you for life!
2007-01-04 19:40:03 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 5⤊ 0⤋