Divorcing but still in love, how should i bring this up with us battling each other in court?

Question

I don't know what to say, we have said, done horrible things to each other, yet i still love this jerk, i cant see anyone else in my arms. I strayed because he was so very abusive to me, and now i see that wasnt my right, maybe i should have just stayed and been trying harder to work on our relationship. How do i convey this when were drug testing each other, and fighting over custody. He Sexually attacked me when he was drunk ( saying that he still wanted a divorce but wanted to end up together) and i called the police, now i am wanting the same thing, to be divorced but still end up together. i feel as if the only way to do this is throw myself upon his mercy, i know it sounds crazy but i am a girl in love, and i am done being mad, selfish, bitter and petty. how do i explain Myself, after having to go to court and tell them how horrible he is, but secretly still love him, is this crazy. I would rather be punished by him for the rest of my life, than someone ELSE spoling me rotten 4ev

Answer 1

Go ahead with the divorce, but try to get a mediator to help you settle the stuff you'all are fighting about. Give yourselves a break from each other for a while and allow your child(ren) to have some peace and quiet. Sometimes love is not enough. The two of you don't sound like you make a good pair together, but that doesn't mean you can't be good parents for the children. If you love each other enough, live apart and grow as individuals. Go back to school, get some counseling, involve yourself in a church, do volunteer work in your community. When everyone has their head on straight again (could take years) then approach the subject of re-connecting. Right now it sounds like there is way too much going on for either of you to see clearly.

Answer 2

You are not going to like this answer.
You are not in love. You are a little girl playing family and still looking for attention. Only now you brought kid(s) into this situation. Funny how little this aspect figures in your question.
A love relationship REQUIRES as a MINIMUM trust, respect and the ability to communicate. You show none of these traits in your relationship with your partner.
The only thing you are in love is with the DRAMA, not the jerk. It defines who you are and without it you feel you are lost.
GROW UP you are responsible for a kid (or more) now. You made the choice of having kid(s) with this jerk you chose. Your decision making so far is not good at all.

For the sake of your kids find some one that knows you and that you respect and ask them for advise, then follow it.

With luck, you will grow up in the process and much further down the road get to a stage where you can actually have a loving relationship with someone.

Answer 3

I know it sounds crazy, but I am not going to tell you to just divorce him. You both need to go to marriage counseling. Any marriage can be saved with hard work and commitment. Have you suggested counseling to him? I would talk to a counselor who is faith based so he won't tell you to just pick each other apart. Changes on both sides need to be made. You need to decide what you need to change, how, and how will you make this part of your daily life rather than changing for a month or two and then going back to the old self. He needs to do the same. He has to want this. Take action instead of sitting on the sidelines. Email or IM me if you need someone to talk to. Good luck! I'll keep you in my prayers.

Answer 4

Maybe you should both take a step back, stop proceedings in EVERY way including visits after drinking and try counseling. There are counselars out there that hold workshops on communication, abusive behavior and such, not just listening to you argue about who's right and who's to blame. When you get that angry, sorry doesn't work, but hardwork and loyalty does.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like you enjoy your abusive relationship! I have a friend like this. They would get in fist fights call the police and one or both of them would usually get arrested, but after all was said and done they still loved and wanted each other.
The best thing to do is talk to him, calmly! the courts will understand ,they see this all the time. you better do soemthing about it now before it's to late though!

Answer 6

Well if you didn't have any kids, I would say, go for it. It sounds like you deserve each other.
However you do have kids, so I feel counseling might help you all.

Answer 7

Just let the poor guy move on with his life.

Answer 8

Oh lord, do you realize CPS would come in and take your kids?