My husband told me that his daughter (from a previous marriage) might not be his, but that if it wasnt his, he would still love her and provide for her. I want to have a child with him, but knowing this now turns me off. I guess I am a bit jealous that he would still love the child and provide for her if it wasnt his. I want my child to have his full attention, not some daughter who might not be his. If it was his daughter, then I would support him 100%, but if it isnt his, I dont like the idea of him loving her and providing for her. Do I have a right to be mad or not?
2007-01-04 11:03:36 · 34 answers · asked by Leyanis 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh my gosh, he's willing to provide and love a child that isn't his, KEEP HIM, KEEP HIM, He sounds like a loving kind man and you and him will have the most beautiful family together!!!!
2007-01-04 11:14:57 · answer #1 · answered by applecheeks 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand why you would be upset. If the child isnt his then he shouldnt be providing for the child I would be upset also. You are right to let him take on his responsibilities if he is the father. But you have to look at it from his point of view also. This is a child that he was told was his and he did what he needed to do as a father. And in the time hes known her he has developed a bond so it would be hard for him to walk away now. So look at it that way I could be wrong. When the 2 of you decide to have children I am sure he will be a great father and no one will take him away from your kids not even her. If this child isnt his and he has become attached I see nothing wrong w/ him wanting to be apart of the childs life but he shouldnt be the provider for her. You need to have a talk with him about this and make sure it wont be a problem for the 2 of you and destroy your marriage.
2007-01-04 11:20:34 · answer #2 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your husband shouldn't change the way he feels about his daughter even if it wasn't his. If after all he still has feelings for his daughter. What he needs to do to make sure that it is his daughter is to take a blood test to find out. Even if she wasn't his daughter, he should still do what he has been doing to keep the relationship with her if he is the only one that she knows who is her dad.
You say that you are turned off with this. Is this why you really married him, is just to have kids? I think you are being to harsh and selfish. Because you were not like this even if it was his daughter until you found out that it might not be his daughter. Could it be that you are thinking of your own self and your own feelings rather than that this daughter has a father who really, really cares for her?
I think you are being unreasonable with him. She is not just "some daughter", she is someone who happens to be a part of your husband's life. So stop blaming the daughter and stop being so selfish. You should be thankful that he is willing to be a responsible person by loving a child that is not his, a child that he thought was his, but now he has bonded, be thankful that someone cares!
You should support him no matter what he does.
Just think you are selfish...so stop acting immature and be supportive of him for his wishes.
2007-01-04 11:18:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old this child is but if he was around this child long enough to form a bond then it really doesn't matter if she is his biological daughter or not he would still love her as if she were his own. That is kinda like when you adopt a child this child through love is your child even though your blood does not flow in its veins.
And today with so many men not supporting there own biological children I think this guy must be special to be willing to support one who may or may not be his own.
Also I think you should work on your insecurities, if he loves you then why are you so afraid of the love he has for this child
2007-01-04 11:13:45 · answer #4 · answered by kathy h 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
actually you should be glad to have a man like him, who will not hurt a child or make a difference just because she may not be his. at least u know he will love the children u and he have unconditionally. he is sensitive and caring, and thoughtful and loves the child regardless of who she really belongs to. best if u don't try to change his mind, as it will be the cause of some bitter resent,resentments on both sides. if u try to give him an ultimatum about the child he may become uncomfortable with u, and it may be u who leaves his life and not the child. not letting the child's mom off the hook if she tricked him and deceived him, but he has developed a relationship with the child, and feels responsible for her no matter what. and he doesn't seem to want to end the relationship, as he loves that child too.
2007-01-04 11:12:47 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but that is so selfish. My husband has two kids that live with us that he provides for and he doesn't know if their his or not. If he is a good man and a great dad then that wouldn't affect you two having a child together. He would give your children the same amount of attention as his other daughter. As should you if you trutly love his man. You would stand behind him no matter what happends in that.
2007-01-04 11:08:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be more thankful for having such a loving husband. This should be the complete opposite for you. Showing that he can love this girl, who will be his daughter forever no matter what a DNA test says, should prove to you that he will be a loving father to the children you will have together in the future, plus it can be a big help knowing that your children will have a big sister who can be there to help out and have a role model. This young girl should not be punished because you feel that your feelings are more important, no matter what a person's child always comes first....
2007-01-04 11:16:54 · answer #7 · answered by Jean Marie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Heck no!... I have 3 beautiful daughters that I love very much. Now if one day I came home and my wife confessed to me that she did a paternity test and one of them was not actually mine, do you think I would start treating my daughter any different? HELL NO! I don't care if she ain't really mine. I have created an intimate relationship with this child and I love her more than life. Nobody is entitled to tell me to stop loving this being because she happens to not actually have my genes, which would not be her fault either.
Could you imagine how hurt my daughter would be if I told her I'm not her daddy anymore and I don't care about her?
That is insane!
Be glad you have a loving husband who cares about the relationships he has and doesn't break them for stupid reasons.
2007-01-04 11:15:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that it's very hard for anyone, man or woman, to think a child is their's, bond with that child, love that child, then discover they may not be the biological parent. I think your husband is actually a very mature, kind person to still want to stay in the girl's life, even if he may not be her biological father. My advice would be to embrace what a unique and caring person your husband is, and know that any child you have together will be blessed with a loving and comitted father. I think you need to see past your anger.
2007-01-04 11:08:00 · answer #9 · answered by P_P_K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you should not be mad. I think it's a tough situation and everyone would feel like you if faced the same situation. I think you should try to hide these feelings (being mad at him) and try to support him, because that's really nice of him to still love that girl even if she isn't his daughter, it's not her guilt to be born from another man, it's her mother's guilt. So I think you should support him to still love her and care for her.
2007-01-04 11:12:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋