Should my mother and father forgive my husband and allow him to join us in their home?

Question

My mother posted her question on her. I feel I should tell my side of the story. Her question was Should I let cheating son inlaw back in my home? Well, the whole story is this. Yes he cheated on me when we was only dating for 2 months. This was 12 years ago. We are married with 3 children and live in our own home. He is a good provider and father. He has always treated me very well. We work different shifts do to childcare costs. I work first..he works second. He became emotionally involved with an employee who is also married. This only went on for 2 weeks. I knew something was up within 3 days. I checked the cell phone bill and they was calling one another in the middle of the night after they got off work. Why would they be on the phone talking it up if they was "together". Yes, he did go to the park with her after work to have a drink. However the police showed up within 15 minutes of them arriving. The cell phone bill showed me there was no way anything happened.

The reason being was-He left work at 1:30 am--he called her. They met at the park which is at least a 20 minute drive. The next call was at 2:15 to our friend who is a police officer because he had just been busted. There was no way anything physical happened. We are in marriage counseling and I forgive my husband. My parents can't get past it and it has placed me and the children in the middle. My children are very sad that their Daddy can't come with us when we visit their grandparents and was very confused at Christmas on why Daddy stayed home instead of coming like he did all the years before. People make mistakes and none of us are perfect. Should my parents eventually forgive my husband??

I had also called her husband and we talked for over an hour. He suspected but couldn't figure out how to find out. I asked him some questions and he asked me some questions and we put a puzzle together. No, she never went home and took a shower-that's a good sign. I asked my husband to take a polygraph test to prove to my parents that it was never physical. He has agreed. He's not a very good liar-trust me.

my mom's question is posted here....
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061214131531AAdtur0&r=w&pa=AptqD2bwHTHf6OaOZaE_u3a1oGfaidHEHs48ulmpjo8x6fxR1_lSQS01UhVjuKTvdiR1GAAu2tsZsw--&paid=voted

Answer 1

I believe your responsibility is to your husband and your children, and to their welfare and wellbeing. Your parents have nothing to do with your marriage, relationship, and your family. If they have made a decision to disallow your husband into their home, then they have also made a decision to disallow you, because your responsibility is to him, not your parents.
If you are choosing to leave him at home, when you visit your parents, you are doing a grave disservice to him and your marriage,,,,continuing to follow your parents and their wishes.

Answer 2

You and the children are the ones that have been hurt the most. If you are going to forgive him then your mother needs to also. The children are the ones that are sufferring here. She needs to see that. You and the children should not go to your parents until mom & dad accept him into their home. I would let them know that he was wrong but two wrongs do not a right make! GOD will be the final judge of each and every one of us. You and your husband need to be reading and studying the BIBLE together with your children if possible. They deserve to be in a two-parent home as long as you are able to take him back. Infidelity is not something to play with. If he has been unfaithful once, he may do so again. Keep up your guard also. Your mother probably does not want you hurt either. Have a great evening. I hope that things get better!!
Eds

Answer 3

so on the cell phone bill there is a little section that says "your spouse is cheating but nothing hjappened yet"?

what a wonderfull phone company you have that can send you such reasuring phone bills

do not try to fool everyone else into believing your fantasy world really exists

if this just happened recently then you are proof that once a cheater always a cheater and love is blind and dumb and all that stuff

if this happened so long ago like 12 years ago and only that one time then its no big deal

but so far this is the only time that you know about

honestly if i was your father then i seriously doubt you would have had the chance to marry him anyway since i would have dealt with him when you guys first started dating and he cheated on you

i have not seen the question that your mother posted, only yours and i get the feeling that your spuse is scum already, just from what you stated, i wonder what my reaction would have been if i read the other question

Answer 4

From a guy's attitude it truly is quite tricky to me..i'm uncertain the position you met your guy. inspite of the indisputable fact that it screams evening club..and something of the tale says that he merely lives his existence too carelessly, and contained in the function of the conqueror of girls human beings..he seeing a warm female, and is way from you, and merely would not care he will stick with the urge he has. This leads me to have self assurance that he change right into a "undesirable Boy" variety, and that self assurance aka swagger that he carried himself with once you 1st suggested him drew you to him. yet another component that is operating it truly is that A) there is little or no verbal replace between you both B) you've regrettably been performed or he thinks you'll consistently be round even as he needs you. or C) it truly is a stress copping approach (I.E. He receives lower than pressure out..he is going out possibilities up a warm chick, and has sex to blow off steam.) i have met human beings like this..this is not fairly to the relationship of the extreme member, till they're a similar way and floor guidelines are set in position on the starting up of each little thing. If contained in the subsequent few weeks, you may search for suggestion from with him and artwork issues out that is powerful, inspite of the indisputable fact that it sounds like you married a guy that has no objective of being extreme for destiny years...If it comes all the way down to it residing in diverse places for a lengthy time period might want to help, and probably the full out Divorce. this is because Hearts are fragile, and they could really take a lot..if something would not replace quickly and also you do finally end up divorcing later..you'd be Jaded and it would want to be that a lot harder on the subsequent guy that trys to the contact your heart. I wish you success

Answer 5

Yes they need to let him back into their home. This will only cause more conflict in your marriage. You have enough to deal with trying to figure out why he was willing to throw away your marriage and kids for a fling with some skank in the park.

Tell your parents to butt out. Good luck.

Answer 6

There sounds like he is hiding something that your mother knows and is not telling you, on the other hand I don't think they have to forgive him, you are the only one who has to forgive. Your parents do not have to let anyone they do not want in their house. So if you are going to stay with him you are going to have to keep him at home and enjoy your parents without him and ask them to respect your family enough to keep their opinion to themselves.

Answer 7

yes they should forgive,he did not cheat on them,he cheated on you and if you have forgiven him then they should not be all upset ....My son=in=law cheated on my daughter,she chose to forgive him so they both come to my house,what he did was wrong but since it is her husband and she forgave him then really its none of my business...Its not fair to your children or you for your parents to be that way....hes going to be their son in law so they may as well getover it...I don,t hold anything against my son in law,i never even think of it....you are a pretty good daughter for going alone.If i did that to my kids they probably wouldn,t come over unless their husband could come....Holding grudges is useless,thats always going to be your kids daddy,and those children will not tolerate grandma and grandpa talkig about their dad...I di not see the question that your Mom posted so I could not advise her...good luck

Answer 8

You need to give up on them changing their mind. The only way they look at it is that he's capable of cheating, and that would hurt you (their child), so go on with the way things are to keep from upsetting your parents. As long as you forgive him that's all that counts.

Answer 9

had the police not shown up would something have happened. your parents are just looking out for their baby. it is going to be hard for them to forgive him because they want you to have nothing but the best. if he was not up to something odd don't you think he would have told you "hey i am gonna go have a drink with so & so, i'll be home a little later" if he is trying to keep it from you then you may want to take that into concideration, seems like your parents are.

Answer 10

That's their problem, not yours...do you tell your folks everything, because I don't (for this reason here).
They should not be in the middle of your business..if you two are working it out (for your reasons) and the kids aren't aware of tension...then do your thing..
grandparents will have to come to your house to visit next...put them on your territory...