Last April me and boyfriend took in his 15 year old son , he was getting into some trouble back home and not respecting his mother . My boyfriend and I live together , he works offshore all the time , he might be home 4 days out of the month . His son was with us for 8 months , he moved back with his mother two days before Christmas , Everyone tells me and he tells me also I have helped him a lot while he was here , I miss him a lot , we picked fight all the time , he said I was a better mother then his own mother , he likes that I spend time with him , and that he can talk to me about anything , he has told me things he never even told his own parents , the things that I feel bad about is that although I miss him , I am glad he is back with his mother , I have been a single mother for 10 years , I still have one son at home , he is 17 , now I feel free , I can do things for my self , spend time out ,after all these years I feel free . But should I feel guilt ?????
2007-01-04 09:34:36 · 22 answers · asked by christina3661@yahoo.com 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have raised your family, and are now complete with your family cycle. If you help out with your boyfriend's son and his ex-wife, that would be nice. If you end up marrying your boyfriend, then you are his son's stepmother. Try to remain close with the son, but leave the parenting to his parents. Maybe a little helpful, experienced, polished parenting advise would be the requirement for the child's mother, and maybe she'd like that type of assistance. This could get troublesome though, since there could end up a triangle of thoughts from the child. But surely with your knowledge, you'll see that well before it happens.
Best wishes and good look.
2007-01-04 13:01:44 · answer #1 · answered by Gary M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should not feel guilty. Even though he went back to his mother, nothing says you cannot still be there for him. It sounds like he needs a confidant, and has found that in you. I doubt he would expect you to feel guilty either. If you had run him out of the house it would be a different story. But he left on his own, so you should be accepting of that and move on.
2007-01-04 09:37:34 · answer #2 · answered by Jaybo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a family where things were never really good with me and my dad. I wish I had someone who I could just talk to. You should only feel guilt if you let him slip away. You might be his rock to rely on. Never lose him. But at the same time, he needs to learn to have that trust with his own mother. So help him with that.
2007-01-04 09:40:18 · answer #3 · answered by Jazzhopper 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guilt over what? You're job as a parent is to raise your children until they're adults. Your boyfriend was too busy to do it with his own kid, and the kid's mother wasn't able to raise him either. Sorry, but your boyfriend's ill-adjusted child isn't your responsibility. It's too bad the man didn't change jobs so he could actually be around to parent his own kid- if anyone should feel guilty, it should be him.
2007-01-04 09:39:38 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, in the same way that a parent feels like they got sprung from prison on a night on the town shouldn't feel guilty for enjoying their night of freedom. It's hard work to parent and you need a break sometimes. His biological mom needs to step up to the plate for a while. Continue to lend him support and step in if he's being neglected or treated badly. But allow him to build a relationship with his mom again. You've done a great job...so relax for a while.
2007-01-04 09:41:11 · answer #5 · answered by shannonscorpio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you shouldn't feel guilt. You did what you could for him while he was with you and you were responsible for him. All our lives, people will come in and out of them, make lasting impressions, but they won't be there for us forever to guide us. Think of it like giving bus fare to someone who has no money. You were in the right place at the right time to do something kind, but you can't feel guilty when they get off the bus 20 miles from you and have no money for a sandwich.
2007-01-04 09:39:34 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel guilty, people get into this kind of thing all the time. Just hang out with both your son and your son in law. Nobody can change the way you feel, only you can, so it's kinda up to you. Bye bye!
2007-01-04 09:39:32 · answer #7 · answered by rzeznik_101 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No do not feel guilty, you are doing one heck of a job and your boyfreinds son is lucky to have you in his life. Enjoy the time off. You earned it. People like you are what helps make sure our kids grow up right these days. My hat is off to you!!
2007-01-04 09:41:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guilt over what? You feel how you feel...you did a good thing, and now that time has ended. I don't see why you should feel guilt over anything but if you choose to feel that way, that's up to you.
2007-01-04 09:37:38 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you should not feel guilt. By all rights, he should be with his mother as long as she is not abusive, of course. And you have given him a healthy connection outiside of his biological family. He seems to feel safe with you. Be proud of that. Not guilty that you are relieved that you have time to yourself again.
2007-01-04 09:39:05 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋