Why don't women fight back when a man is abusive to them?

Question

I've been with several men in my life who thought they would get away with hitting me or talking down to men and every time I fight back whether it be with words or physically. I was taught not to take being treated that way. So, I was wondering why some women allow this in their life? What about your own self respect?

First of all I want to thank all the people who are answering this question. Secondly, I understand that some women feel threated of life or more abuse. I just want everyone out there to know they don't deserve this from anyone male/female. It's hard to get away from but let me share one thought that hopefully will help someone . God put us all here to live as equals. He didn't design man or woman to treat each other this way. My dad has always said "If I can't get you standing up I WILL get you lying down". This comes from a man who was/is verbally abuse to me til this day. I don't speak to him much now. Women/men may not have the power to change someone elses situation but, you do have the power to change your quality of life if nothing else for your KIDS. Love you all and I hope that in some small way this will help someone out there. Feel free to email me.

Answer 1

Women don't fight back for the fear of being beat up even more!! When you love someone so much and they cross the line and hit you, its a betrayal and a lot times women want to believe it didn't happen because they love their partner. Its not right, but its very understandable why a woman would fall into a vicious cycle. You're brave to do what you do and teach the little girls in your life to do the same. Keep domestic violence away from our children.

Answer 2

Good for you for being so strong but unfortunately there are a lot of women who are not so strong. Perhaps the men are a lot stronger, physically and verbally or they just have the women bluffed. There are a lot of reasons why some women don't fight back and sometimes it is safer that way. There are a lot of guys out there that would get a lot more violent if the women were to fight back. I grew up in an abusive home, my father was physically and verbally abusive to my mum, never us kids but l would never put up with that, l would just leave rather than allow my children to grow up with fear as l did .You be real careful or one day you could get seriously hurt. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

I was married to an abusive man for 4 years. It didn't turn into physical abuse til the last year. Everytime I tried to fight back it would just make him madder and he would hit me harder. Some women are convinced that they deserve what they get. I'm glad you were able to protect yourself but not all women can whether its because they are not strong enough physically or mentally. So just because you can does not mean that the rest of us that can't are no better. Hopefully you do not think this.

Answer 4

Some don't already have self-respect when entering into these type of relationships. Others like myself, don't feel like they are safe to leave the relationship. I was married to an abusive man for 3 yrs, b/c I didn't believe he was really abusing me b/c he didn't hit me, he pushed me or threw me or grabbed me. Now I know better. And abusive men use fear to keep women there. Fear that if they leave they will be hurt more, or lose their kids, or have no money, or even die!

Answer 5

Violence between the two is not an option and it doesn't solve any problems that way, I agree the woman does not have to put up with that type of behavior in a man no couple has the right to strike out at one another. No man has any right to hit a woman a man that hits a woman is a coward!!!! not a man.

Answer 6

When you are in an abusive relationship you are brainwashed into thinking that you really are the cause of all the problems in the relationship.So you put up with it and stay.You really believe that you are stupid,worthless,etc.You get to the point where you don't fight back because you are so afraid of what he's capable of doing.It's a vicious cycle and alot of times it's learned behavior.It's so ugly when you have children that witness this awful behavior.You either seek help because he's going to kill you or you're going to kill him.It's so sad when it comes down to that.

Answer 7

Intimidation and fear. Some women blame themselves and/or think they can change their partners for the better. Think about popular culture and fairy tales like "Beauty and the Beast." Also, think about the stigma in our society of being a single woman - an old maid.

Also an abuser breaks down their victim over time and isolates her so by the time things are really bad, the victim doesn't even think straight.

Answer 8

I guess the real problem is why we tend to get into these types of relationships in the first place. I was in a physically/mentally abusive relationship for eight years. I broke his nose twice and gave him 3 black eyes. You do eventually fight back. I finally left and moved half way across the country.

Answer 9

Some woman feel that they deserve it, they are afraid to fight back. Alot of these abusive men are very controlling and by fighting back, or trying to leave it only makes the abuse worse.

Answer 10

That's just it, they have no self respect or self esteem about themselves, so they let the guy over power them with abuse. Been there, done that, but after several years (being stubborn & hardheaded), it won't ever happen again. No one can get females out of that state of mind but them which takes time.