i need a grammar check on this please?

Question

Please check this form me, it is VERY important and might be responsible for my acceptance into a governor school:
Please check this form me, it might be reponsible for getting me into a governor school

"It is then that I feel that I am me. At that spiritual level, I am liberated from the influence of others; I am freed of the shackles of rules."

Answer 1

"It is then, I feel, that I am me. At the spiritual level, I am liberated from the influence of others. I am freed from the shackles of rules!"

Answer 2

It is then that I feel that I am me. At that spiritual level, I am liberated from the influence of others. I am freed of the shackles of rules.

Answer 3

I feel then that I am me. At that spiritual level I am liberated from the influence of others. I am released from the shackles of rules.

Answer 4

The first sentence isn't the greatest. I don't know what you're referring to, but for the sake of an example, I'll use flying ultralight planes. "When I fly my ultralight plane, I connect to my deepest self. At that spiritual level, I experience freedom from others' influence; the rules that shackle us all in everyday life seem to disappear."

"Deepest self" may be too touchy-feely for a school application, so you may want to say "true self" or something else. I think it would improve the paragraph, though, if you try to use active verbs -- eliminate all forms of the verb "to be," such as "is" and "am."

Answer 5

"I am me" is so wrong. Oh, very poor grammar !! You have the linking verb " am" connecting a subject pronoun "I" with the object pronoun "me".... no can do. There must be pronoun agreement just like there must be verb agreement. So, to correct....
" Therefore, I remain free , spirtitual, and liberated from the laborious shackles of rules". ( Simplicity, not wordiness, is what you are aiming for)

Answer 6

maybe you might want to change the 'of' in line 3 to 'from'.