my ex son in law keeps calling and i talk with him so i can keep contact?

Question

I answer his calls so I can keep contact with my grandchildren he took to the reservation .I answer his calls so i can see and talk with my grandchildren.But the kicker he keeps putting my daughter down and threating suicide and so forth he gave custody to his parents. And he's in colo. he does not have the children but yet i still try im tired of hearing about what she did like he didnt do anything. how do i make it clear that I care but dont want to hear him putting her down when he was underhanded in taken the kids away from her.

Answer 1

I would stay in contact with him for the same reasons. However, I would not engage in a conversation with him if he talked bad about my daughter. I would be upfront and say, "I want to stay in contact with you, I care about you as a person, but talking badly about my daughter, to me, is unacceptable. No matter what, she is my daughter and please remember, that no matter what has happened, your children are a part of their mother. So, in a way, when you talk badly about her, you are talking badly about them and I'm sure that you don't mean to do that." When you talk to him, I would always say things like, I'm sure you don't mean to, or I'm sure you don't realize....When he talks about suicide, I would say, "I know that you're feeling some emotional pain, I can remember one time in my life where something was happening and I didn't think that I could bare it, but I perservered and I'm so glad that I did, because I would have missed so many things that are so dear to me now, like my grandchildren." He could be serious about the suicide threats, or he could be trying to get an emotional rise out of you, but the important thing is to get to a place in your heart that you can't be whipped around emotionally. I think that I would stay clear of telling him how underhanded he is for the simple fact that he knows it already and you don't want to build a barrier. Is there any way to have a good relationship with his parents? That's what I would pursue and I would stay clear of discussing him or your daughter with his parents. I would keep it strictly on your mutual love for the kids. I hope that this brings you some clarity and please know that there are a world full of people who have gone through the same thing and have had good results. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Wow I wager that felt good to allow all that out! have you ever permit your husband examine this? it ought to provide him an more suitable perspective on what you're feeling. i could say only be variety on your sister-in-regulation. which will make her think of the main approximately you - and supply her much less of a reason to be advise to you. attempt to no longer be bitter, ok? such as you pronounced, you acquire the better end of the deal - you acquire the guy and your son. you are the single that is satisfied and grateful, and nonetheless be superb to others. it ought to be no longer common, and that i do no longer understand if this could be a threat, even yet it ought to help to communicate with your sister-in-regulation or maybe Al's ex. speaking it out - in a civilized, variety way, ideas you! - is in many situations very efficient in resolving a project. Being satisfied is so lots better than being offended.

Answer 3

Simply be honest with him and inform him that although you like to keep contact with him you would prefer if he left the past behind him. There is no reason or need to be rude but have some backbone and inform him that this is still your daughter and there problems are for them and not to continue living in the past and putting down your daughter.

Answer 4

I think you should tell him exactly how you feel. If he tries to use that against you to cut communication off from the grandchildren then he is just being very childish. It's not about him or the mother anymore, it's about the kids and that is not fair to them if he does that to you. Tell him to chill out talking about your daughter to you. You don't dislike him but you just don't want to hear it anymore. Good luck

Answer 5

Be clear and succint. Say "It hurts to hear you talk about my daughter like that, can we just talk about the kids?" Repeat it every time he says something about your daughter you don't want to hear.

Explain your feelings, without attacking him. If he gets on the defensive he may not bother to call you again, and then you'd lose something most precious: contact with your grandkids.

Answer 6

Tell him you do not mind him calling he is the father of your grandchildren but he cannot keep putting your daughter down or you would not take his calls anymore.

Answer 7

You don't have to listen to him badmouthing your daughter and have the right to tell him so. He sounds unstable if he's threatening suicide. Could you get visitation rights through the courts? Couldn't you get the number and call your Granchildren so you don't have to talk to him? Stop allowing him to get to you because of the children.

Answer 8

Just tell him nicely that you are not interested in listening to him talk about your daughter. Tell him that you want to stay in touch with the children and that his past life with your daughter is not your business. Be firm but polite about it.