Ok people say you have someone that has never been on her own and was in a bad marriage and left and now has to make it on her own but is use to people carrying her. now as her man she wants you to take care of her and you said you would but not each time she falls. she says it is messed up because she is also your responsibility as well as your own needs. Now people tell me this: Taking care of her in all aspects will that teach her or destroy her in learning how to make it on her own
2007-01-04 08:57:08 · 15 answers · asked by sean b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You can teach a man to fish and he can eat for life or you can fish for him and he can eat that day. You have to struggle sometimes. It makes you stronger. If a person is always spoonfed, how can they feed themselves? As a child you learn how to crawl, by sense, so you can get around, and eventually walk, its human nature to be independant. When all of that is replaced you have a person who is only half of themselves. women love to be taken care of but at the same time a woman should want to be able to take care of herself in the event no one else can. I can't tell you what to do in your situtation because your question is one sided. However from what you said, she needs to learn to be independant and not co dependant for the betterment of herself.
2007-01-04 09:46:54 · answer #1 · answered by snowflake9540 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to try and be nice here with this one.. I am a very strong willed person who learned at an early age you never depend on anyone else to take care of you. I do know some women are weak and I have a hard time with that. but also some women say they can't do it alone , to make the man stay with them. I am not saying it's easy. I have been down this road twice now with children, but we make it. and we do just fine. Three of my children are grown and doing fantastic with there lives, and mom is also. Do not let her put a quilt trip on you. There is help out there for single women and support groups to make it on there own..
2007-01-04 17:06:42 · answer #2 · answered by lynda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should know the answer to this question. Of course not. A person can only learn how to live on their own by doing it. A little help along the way is not a bad idea and can be helpful to that person. But basically she must fend for herself and learn to truly be independent.
2007-01-04 17:00:23 · answer #3 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There could be more to this. Have you explored the possibility that she has ADD? If she's undiagnosed, it just may have been easier for people in her life to do things for her, unknowingly accomodating for it.
There is hope, if she has ADD then with treatment she will absolutely shine!
A good resource is a book called Delivered from Distraction (by Phelan, I believe). Read the sections on adult ADD, and if it sounds like her, see about having an eval done by a specialist.
2007-01-04 17:15:36 · answer #4 · answered by Your Highness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should definately not ask that you take care of her. It's for her own good, otherwise she will have to always depend on some man to take care of her and if she gets in a bad relationship how would she be able to leave? All women (and men) should be able to be self sufficient because one day you may have to be.
2007-01-04 17:00:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her she has to start taking care of herself or she will never learn, she is not your responsibility if she is a grown woman and will learn sooner or later maybe that was the problem in her marriage she was too needy and still is.
2007-01-04 17:02:44 · answer #6 · answered by lara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If when you got into the relationship she told you that she wanted a man to support her then you should expect that but, if not then everyone in life has to crawl before they walk. Life is learning experience let her learn how to making on her own.
2007-01-04 17:13:42 · answer #7 · answered by DESIGNER_SMILE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to learn to be on her own!
She obviously feels that she deserves someone to do it all FOR her, but that is NOT realistic in this world.
Step out of her life until she learns how to stand on her own 2 feet. Then, try & make a go of it. As things stand, this relationship is doomed anyway, so what have you got to lose?
2007-01-04 17:01:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm.... You answered this yourself. If you take care of her, and never let her figure out how to help herself... That will NOT teach her anything. I think there comes a time for ALL people where they must make it on their own. Good luck
2007-01-04 16:59:54 · answer #9 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't change people. Only encourage them to help and change themselves. Pray that she has the strength to overcome her obstacles. You can be supportive without being her daddy. Whatever help she needs, it sounds like it might be beyond what you can offer. Get her professional help but stand beside her. Sounds like she looks at you as someone who is above human and must see her through her own destruction. She needs to see you as a support in her journey to making her life better.
Good luck.
2007-01-04 17:05:12 · answer #10 · answered by melirose20 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋