Is it me?????or do i just have bad taste in men??

Question

I am 24 yrs old and have been married twice already.My parents could not stand my first hubby who i met while in college at a club where he was an ultimate fighter.I fell head over feel and eloped with him after 3 months.Problems were numerous to say the least he had never graduated from highschool and he was participating in illegal fights to make ends meet.My parent continued to pay for my college tuition but cut off all ties with me and when i graduated college i was 3 months pregnant.After i gave birth to my daughter he became violent and in a fight with me over money broke my jaw.I divorced him and married my divorce lawyer who i thought i was in love with that marriage lasted only a year an half before i found out he was a womanizer and a con-man.At this point i am terrified of dating anyone or trusting people?

My daughter is 3 yrs old .

For the record i was brought up in an upper middle class family.My mother though was a spaniard whose whole mind set was on marriage and money used drive me crazy.

Answer 1

The problem is that you are giving yourself too freely and falling too quickly for them.

Answer 2

Perhaps, I would suggest changing your milieu. I'm assuming you do not live in an urban area. Where would more... educated or professional people in your area congregate? I would also possibly suggest finding a professional older gentleman. Not an old man, but somebody more mature. After all, you now have a daughter, and lots of guys in their 20's might now want to date a woman with a child, but an older man would mind less, and would be more naturally psyched to be with a younger woman! THAT goes a long way. A more mature gentleman would also be less likely to break your jaw or die in a cristal meth explosion. Stay away from any ultimate fighters, race car drivers, street fighters, pimps, or anything of the like. And this is important: DON'T GET MARRIED. WHAT'S THE ******' RUSH? Just date somebody for a while, see if they work before rushing in & getting married (I'm sure this rush to marriage is a cultural thing I don't exactly understand.) Don't be terrified, open your heart to love & trust. Just be a little more choosy. Think class. Education. Sophistication!

Answer 3

Well what makes me feel better is acknowledging the role I played in my own misery. You didn't take the time to get to know eaither of these people before making a serious committment. These men did not hunt you down, you CHOSE them. Realizing that gives YOU the power. If you think its all the men out there, then there's no fixing the problem, so you might as well give up. But if YOU have a role, the power, then you can change things. I have been with tons of guys who are jerks, for the same reason, not taking the time to REALLY get to know the person. Now I could say to myself, all men are jerks so I give up and I hate men forever. Or I could realize that I PICKED jerks and I don't have to anymore. Its never too late to start things in a new direction, so I really hope you don't make the same mistake again. Just go slower next time. :-)

Answer 4

It takes a long time until we figure out who we are as people and what we want and need. It's not uncommon to find out that the person you loved was wrong for you. I have been married once and am in my late twenties.

Like you, I married someone who wasn't right for me, and for a few years afterwards I was terrified to date or to meet people. I thought that there must be something wrong with me, that I attracted losers and always would. However, I've also learned that fear can build a wall around your heart, and that very wall that was meant for protection can prevent you from opening yourself to the right someone. I cannot tell you what YOU should do. I can only tell you that you have to do what feels right for you. I gave myself time, you are only 24 and have a young daughter to raise.

You need to figure out what YOU want and need from a relationship and from life. To go from one bad marriage into another right away without giving yourself time to heal and to grow as a person, is really doing yourself and your daughter an injustice.

I hope that you heal and that you are able to decipher what it is that will make you happy and follow that.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Its easy to see why you are bit terrified of dating anyone right now. You've been through a lot having been only 24 years old. However, you are obviously a bright girl for leaving that 1st loser of a husband. No one deserves to be abused. You may have lost some of those smarts in marrying your divorce lawyer though. How bout just taking care of your daughter right now. I assume she is an infant and needs constant attention that only her mother can provide. The love life can wait.

Answer 6

That's life. You will go through experiences, whether good or bad, it all just makes you stronger, a learning lesson to help you see where you are making the mistakes & how to improve on them. I don't think it's you. I think that life just makes unexpected turns & sometimes, people just land in the pits. You shouldn't be discouraged for there is someone out there for you, but before you find that right person. Make sure you take some time out for you & your kid. To build a solid relationship with your inner self. Meaning, you need some time to find yourself & set your mind to your career goals, maybe finish your education, focus on your kid, learning to be independent, rather than relying on parents or a dead beat guy to take care of you & your kid. You should stay positive, build self motivation, surround yourself with only positive people & positive environments. When you do that, you always end up finding that positive ground you been craving for. Don't worry about men right now. FOCUS ON YOURSELF. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

It is natural for you to feel this way after what you've experienced. We all make some bad choices but not everyone is violent, or unfaithful. If I were you I'd take a break from relationships/dating and work on my self-esteem. If you look back at your past you will find there is a reason you made the choices you did. You need to understand why so you can avoid the same mistakes in the future.

Answer 8

You've made several hasty and bad decisions in life. You knew he didn't have a steady job or decent education and yet you went ahead and made a baby with him. Then another hasty marriage. You might concentrate on your baby and your career for a couple of years and s l o w d o w n until you do a little growing up and developing of some values and common sense. Don't involve any more men in your daughter's life for a long time. Children need constancy.

Answer 9

You sound like a female who has a problem with self esteem. You don't need a man to be happy, so take the time to figure out what makes you happy for both you & your child's livelihood. In the process of doing this there will be lots of guys interested, but you should choose one who has a lot of your same interest and who would except your child without issues. To really know someone takes time (not 3 mos.), and not moving in with them too soon. Things will work out if you have faith in God, say your prayers, and treat others like you want to be treated, especially guys. They can only play a role for so long before showing their true selves, so hold out for your sake.

Answer 10

No reason to be terrified! We all make mistakes. You just have to be more careful when trying to discern which man makes the best mate. so far you have followed your basic instincts when choosing a mate. First it was the intrepid, daring and masculine figure you though would procreate the optimum child. Then it was the man who rescued you from your tormentor.

Now it is time to choose a man for what you can intelligently see in him to provide you with the resources you need to survive and carry on with the life you have made for yourself already. You need someone who will be tolerant, patient, understanding, forgiving and loving. Be proactive in searching for what you need and not for what you think you want. You have a child and can no longer afford jumping from relationship to relationship.

Answer 11

It's not you... and it's not your bad taste in men. It's actually the men you have met.... who.... well.... did such cruel things to you... or treated you in a humane way.

You deserve so much more than that... I'm sure. However, you are emotionally effected by your loss of finding someone who would love and care for you. This goes both for your family and your exs.

But all is not loss... it's how we, as human beings, struggle to find a way to control those we love.... Only to realize we're not doing anything better about it.

My only advice I can give you is to move on.... and have some courage and confidence to step up for yourself. It takes a lot of time. Trust me. I know.

If you need any help then let me know. I'm always here.
Good luck.