I have been married for 18 years. I just found out that he is cheating on me. He said that he is not happy with me anymore. and that he only talked to the other girl nothing else. He first said that he wanted a divorse. And weeks later he said that maybe we can work it out but every 2 months we will sit and talk about the marriage.( For us to take baby steps) Im so confused and hurt. He has never cheated or lied to me. (that I know of) Then all of the suden he is lieing and talking to a girl who is a stripper and is half his age she's almost our daughters age. anyway he also said I dont love you the same as I did 18 years ago. I still love you but not the same. What the heck does that mean?
2007-01-04 07:46:25 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is lying. Open your eyes. Where is your brain? Get a clue. He is lying about everything. Isn't that obvious?!?! I mean, pretend your question was written by someone else and read your own question back to yourself. Isn't the answer obvious? He doesn't love you. Period.
2007-01-04 07:57:24 · answer #1 · answered by Sax M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, there is no marriage where you love your partner the "same" as you did 18 years ago. Many things change in that period of time, including the way you love your partner.
What he means is that the sex isn't as passionate and hot as it used to be. This stripper is nothing but a sex symbol to him and he thinks he has serious feelings for her, but he is mistaking the feelings his little wiener is having for something more. Those are the feelings he used to have for you, but life has come along and interrupted the ability to act on those feeling spontaneously. With her he is also away from the pressure of kids, and other responsibilities. Having one more to take care of may be feeling like an extra burden too.
I say all this not to excuse his behavior, but just offer a view into his head, even if he doesn't really know what is going on. He is probably confused too. On one side he sees his wife and kids who he loves, but maybe makes him feel a little constrained. On the other side he envisions a life of sex and excitement, although the stripper is probably more interested in the money he slips in her g-string than anything else he has to offer. He is flattered and feels like a man from her attention.
2007-01-04 08:05:50 · answer #2 · answered by PDH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think that you will get to a divorce but you will have some rough ride. He is in what is called: mid-life crisis. He thinks that he is still young, with all the life gusto but it will not take long for him to realize that he is in a transient mood which is the mood of high sex, thinking that he still gets it like years ago. He lied about the relationship with the girl because he has yet respect for you but for now he is sold to fresh meat , making him feel young again while there is no way, no how you can compete with a young stripper. Seat tight, let the time roll and he will come back to his sense because very soon he himself will be placed on a shelf. However, I invite you to keep close look over the finances of the household as many of these men are usually con by those girls who took them on a ride on their money. " I don't love you the same as I did 18 yrs, ago" means" you do not perform sex like you use to do it" The key word for him now is not "love" but sex. On your part lady, remain faithful to your husband and pray hard that he does not bring home something that you definitely want no part of it.
2007-01-04 08:24:28 · answer #3 · answered by alpha & omega 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you say "mid-life" crises? He loves you and has put 18 years into a relationship with you, but this stripper makes him feel young, "free", needed, etc.. We all know that love changes in a marriage and isn't exactly the same as it was the first few years, but people use it as an excuse to validate what they do when they go through a mid-life crises. He DOES love you, but is battling within himself over what he wants and probably wondering who the hell he is anymore. It is very tough for couples to make it through this, and different spouses have different "thresholds" on how much they can take, for how long, etc. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
2007-01-04 08:12:53 · answer #4 · answered by julesl68 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means that he wants you to stay with him while he decides to go through his change of life being with a younger female who makes him feel young again. He's lying about the just talking thing (especially if she's a stripper), and she's going to take him for all she can get. So, if you don't want to be strung along after all these years by just hanging on like me for up to 31 yrs and still ended in divorce after all the females. She's half his age and I'm by myself with our girls. You deserve to be happy and don't loose any more time if it don't seem like he's being truthful, go for what makes you stronger toward having a life.
2007-01-04 08:00:31 · answer #5 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Pat,
My father did the same to my mother ecxactly what you saying, same thing, same thing, because he believed he was in love and the girl was after my fathers money. It looks like is the same thing going on in your mariage. I hate to say, but I believe you will divorce (that happened to my parents) simply because your husband is so blind, so blind right now, that he will not see the truth. He will only see the girl, and he has this passion, this infatuation for her, and he will do everything he can to live this feeling to regret later on. I wish You could talk to my mother, to know what she did go though.
You husband is feeling young, he thinks he is 18 years old again, he feels good about himself, with his new conquest, he feels invencible. That is man and some of them do that.
If you still want to try to save your marriage, it will take a lot of you and patience and forgiviness, and trust me, as humans we can forgive o much. If you feel like you can move on. If you don't need him financially, separate and leave with dignity. When the girls dumps him, he will come back asking for you take him back (my father did. They all do) but it will be up to you to take him back or not. After sometime and some pain, you will be in such better place than him that you will not want to even see him anymore. My Best Luck for you. Be strong
2007-01-04 08:01:58 · answer #6 · answered by bbluckylove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love changes over time, but it's strange that you'd be shocked - which must mean that you don't communicate enough.
In the beginning, we tend to do more for our spouse and be more interested in them; in time, we get used to eachother and the fascination fades. You can make a difference in him by showing more interest in him - and I mean that in EVERY sense, not just in the bedroom. He is looking for attention and not satisfied with what he's getting at home.
If he's talking to a stripper, it looks like he's desperate for attention, because she's not going to be interested in him for anything more than his wallet. She's probably got a hot body, though, so if you could use some improvement in your appearance, one way to get his attention might be to try getting your body into stripper condition. If you are maintaining your attractiveness and giving him attention, he should be happy.
2007-01-04 08:13:10 · answer #7 · answered by SoCalSkierGuy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Today I love you but tomorrow I'm in love with a stripper. You deserve better then to be subjected to this man whims and flights of fancy. Beat him to the punch put him out. Any day now he will either pack his stuff and leave you or he is going to put you out he is just playing with your feelings when he is between girlfriends. Love is love and he doesn't love you anymore. I f he did he would have never said that to you.
2007-01-04 07:57:18 · answer #8 · answered by Htnspyc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need some serious marriage counseling or you will be headed for a nasty divorce soon. If he has moments of doubt, you may be able to turn it around.
Personally - I don't believe that he's only "talked" to her...but maybe I'm too jaded.
I really, really hope you are able to convince him to see a counseler - 18 years is a long time - you deserve a chance to correct and rebuild your relationship.
2007-01-04 07:49:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It means he must be having a mid-life crisis, and thinks a stripper, half his age, is really interested in him. I think what he means by love, not the same, is we all just get used to being with someone, and in love, turns to love, (not a bad thing). You need to think of yourself - and go on with your life - you deserve better.
2007-01-04 07:53:31 · answer #10 · answered by NAN G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋