I know this is a mushy question...but how can you ever get over a 21 year marriage. I still love him.?

Answer 1

Its not going to be easy at all, and time plays a big factor. You need to get involved in things that interest you that will take your mind off the past and focus on being happy with things that you gave up over the years because of the marriage. It was 31 yrs in my case just a year & a half ago, so this is information from experience, it will take a toll but it can be done. Wish you luck.

Answer 2

That's a really long time to be married and then have it end. It will probably take a while because that a big chunk of your life. If you think you're ready you could try dating again or just going out and trying to meet new people/friends. Maybe a counselor would be good too in case you have some unresolved issues with the marriage. I don't know if you can ever really get over a 21 year marriage but you will be able to move on eventually and start a new life with someone else.good luck!

Answer 3

You are not being mushy at all. I take it the decision to end the marriage was not yours.

It will take time. I was married for 19 years, divorced 6 and, even now, I get sad at the loss of what we had. Yes, I do still love him but differently. He was a huge part of my life and we have children. So, I don't think it is getting over it so much as getting used to the way things are compared to what they were.

21 years is a long time but you can rebuild your life. In time, when you feel ready you might want to try dating again. If nothing else it is a tremendous esteem booster. Keep busy with friends and doing the things you love. Allow yourself time to grieve and cry. It does get easier.

Best of luck

Answer 4

I'm going though the same thing. Though he was a jackass, I miss him a lot. He left with a new woman. But he cries a lot on the phone and calls a lot. Men are stupid. In time, you will see that he was a snake and you will then be happy. I am in the same vulnerable stage as you, so it's hard to see that he's just a snake now. Time will heal everything, I believe. Be strong. Enjoy life. Join group activities and don't stay alone. Join a gym. Go on vacations. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy your self. Good luck :-)

Answer 5

Although it isn't easy, the only way is to get busy building your life over. Focus on the new opportunities you have, instead of the thing(s) you have lost. Lots of people deal with this like you. Some find happiness because they decide they aren't going to let it ruin their lives. Others let it ruin their lives because they choose to wallow in self pity. You are the only one that can choose your path. Get out with friends, or better yet find new places to go. Take classes to improve yourself and make new acquaintances. Do things differently than you did when you were married. this will get you out of those ruts that will remind you that you used to do this with him. Mostly be patient and give yourself time, knowing that it isn't going to come easy or immediately, but a new life is there for you. One without the hassle of being tied to someone you apparently weren't meant to spend the rest of your life with to begin with.

Answer 6

My Parents were together for 22 years before they split. It was easy for my mom cause she's the one that left my dad for another guy, but it took my dad like 2 years to get over her, He had to fall in love again to be better. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

When you realize that he is living his life and probably having a good time doing it....then you'll stop moping around.

This is a really bad thing that's happened to you but you can't waste the rest of your life still loving him.

This is a New Year....make it count.

Answer 8

My only advise, if you are in good terms, I mean no hatred involved in what happened, try not to talk to him directly, but send him an email, try to understand what drifted him away. It takes two to wreck any relation, so listen to his side of the story, and let him listen to your side. May be then things will work out for you.

Answer 9

You just do.

The best way to put the past behind you is to LEARN from it.

I'm sure it wasn't all bad. You don't have to forget it. But take the lessons you learned and apply them moving forward.

OF COURSE it's hard. So many things in life are but you just have to do them anyways.

Answer 10

It won't ever go away, and it shouldn't.. I was married to an amazing woman for twenty years, she got a boyfriend, I left, I will love her all my life. You don't and probably shouldn't get over it.