Straight guy who's nonetheless perplexed by aggressive male behavior?

Question

I consider myself a mellow guy who almost always has a good temperment. I was wondering though, why is it guys are expected to be brash and egomaniacal in society? The "boys will be boys" and "I'm a guy and that's just how we are" excuses seem lost on me. NO, you don't have to respond in a violent manner when someone calls you a mean name. NO, you don't have to 'prove' your masculinity by owning guns or bragging about sexual exploits. It's a consciencious CHOICE! You can CHOOSE to at least control your anger instead of letting it control you! Are there any other regular guys out there who think this way too?

Answer 1

all that is is the male ego, men want to prove their domanance among one another and thats why the gender acts like that i myself am cool, at peace and calm 90%of the time i only get uncivelized when someone thretins my honor as a person or thretins friend or family

Answer 2

I like your thinking but it is not that easy for some men I don't know if or what causes it I don't like it but I am one of those guys I try my very best to do what you are saying but sometime I cant I figure it in my wiring I am shore that there are many reasons for this but I know that there is know excuse I can assure you that if someone doesn't try to get me there I wont go there if I flip out on you say a road rage thing and if you didn't throw fuel on the fire it would not escalate so with me its all up to the other person.

Answer 3

You are like one of my brothers, and we were tight coming up. I myself am the opposite and am female. Very very self-confident and protective of people and the first to jump into a threatening situation. I truly believe personality is inborn and we don't always choose what direction our life takes, but usually have control over the method for arriving at said destination. I love the variances in personalities in the world and would no more wish for you to be like Arnold Swarnenegger than I would for me to be like Marilyn Monroe (I'm pretty, but definitely not frou-frou, lol). It takes the differing personalities in the world to make our existence a more balanced one. When I find myself too mouthy, or short on patience, I'll run what I'm thinking of doing by a friend of mine who is what seems the epitome of calmness.

Bottom line: we NEED people to be different. Celebrate same.

Answer 4

I'm not a regular guy...but I am a regular girl. I know lots of men that are able to respond with dignity in poise in situations that some would face with aggression.

You are absolutely right in saying that people choose how they are going to respond to certain situations.

In re to how the men you described handle the situation...many of them have been taught to act like that by other men in their lives and think that is the way to go.

Remember that our society is continually evolving into the self-aware type people you and I have already found ourselves to be. (c:

Answer 5

I actually see that as the difference between a man and a boy.

A real man understands that every thing he does is by choice, and wants to make the right choices.

A boy just gets thru life by offering unfortunate excuses, and not taking any responsibility for himself.

Answer 6

Generally, I agree with you. I am, for the most part, a pretty pleasant guy to be around. But, as to guns giving you a sense of manhood, I carry a gun and a bullwhip in my backpack, but for personal protection, not because I need to feel macho. I live in an area that's heavily gang-populated. I have been mugged, beaten-up, and even shot by gang kids no more than 18 years of age, often while simply waiting for the bus. Eventually, you have to protect yourself and those around you.
I do feel, however, that the lower-class male elements in our society often feel the need to act out aggressively for any number of reasons, and as a result I feel it's everyone else's right and responsibility to put such people in their place and on notice that if they try to act against those of us who are innocent, mellow and non-aggressive, that we not only have the right but the societal DUTY to stand up against them, even if you need to use a weapon. I am also an AIDS sufferer, and my body is no longer strong enough to stand up in a fight, especially against a young man, or a group. So, I keep a weapon.
See, I don't go around looking for fights, but if someone tries to harm me or another innocent person, I feel I MUST stand up and stop them.

Answer 7

personally I dont like any sort of violence, but I do think there are alot of factors affecting male violence which are partly out of their control. testosterone levels and alcohol / drug use are obviously factors,

but there are also alot of psychological factors - like proving themselves, frustration with work etc, and more than anything, the way you were brought up. If you're brought up witnessing violence and people talked to you with their fists, you'd learn pretty quickly to talk back with your fists.

I'm not saying its excusable, but you cant completely ignore the factors that affect the likeliness of someone being violent

Answer 8

That is the nature of the male. Some maniac instincts are more predominant in some males than others. It is society, or civilization, that has tempered the male ego.

Answer 9

Wow. A real man ! It is so refreshing to come upon someone like you. Wish there were lots more of you. Lots of us women are sick and tired of all male macho bravado !

Answer 10

Yes, I agree completely. Also, I don't golf, fish, hunt, drink beer, belch loudly, or have a pot belly. I'm sorry to say that I don't care much for jazz though.