She kept this information a seceret from us and I don't think she has the right to do that, especially when me and my other sister both have small children. She says he is sorry for what he did and that I am out of the wedding because it wasn't any of our business what he did in his past and when I found out I shoud have just forgotten about it. I say we have every right to know this, what do you think? Also her two kids father doesn't know about the guys past either. I think we all have the right to know what kind of a person she is bringing into our family.
2007-01-04 07:29:47 · 41 answers · asked by The_Game 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He admited that he did what he was convicted of. I don't just assume that someone is guilty that's why I asked her about it.
2007-01-04 07:35:04 · update #1
she is insane and selfish...tell her ex TODAY!!! he has a right to know and can sue for custody....this could be THE crucial choice of YOUR life...save your nieces and nephews from future hell
2007-01-04 07:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by Tikcus 3 · 8⤊ 0⤋
You are right to be mad. Whereas it IS possible that he could have changed his ways, you at least had the right to know. You do not say what kind of sexual assault he committed, but sexual crimes have a very high repeat offender rate. If it was a crime against a child, the recidivism is increased! This does NOT mean he will commit a crime. It DOES mean that it would be foolish of you to not want to protect your family just in case. Do not allow you or any of your loved ones to be alone with this guy, and keep a close eye out. He is innocent until proven guilty and paid his debt. But that does not mean you do not have a right to know about what happened. It is common sense if you love your family, and depending on where you live, it may even be against the law for him to not be registered as a sex offender. Check with your local law enforcement agency to make sure you know all your rights and have an appropriate safety plan. Then the best thing you can do is to accept your sister's decision and be supportive. Supportive, but safe.
Also, to your_name_here, it is obvious he was guilty, because he said he was sorry for what he did. That is an admission of guilt. So that is not an issue here at all.
2007-01-04 07:45:36 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have a similar situation in my family. My sister is a borderline developmentally disabled adult. She met a guy and fell in love very quickly. He started staying at her apartment all the time etc...At one point, her landloard said his name needed to be on the lease since he was living there. When they did a check on him, they told her he cannot live there and in fact cannot be on the property (close proximity to an elementary school) because he has convictions as a child molester.
Fortunately she has no children. But I do, as does my other sister. We shared many of the same concerns and ideas that I am sure you have. If you just met the guy, you would never know. He seems like a nice enough guy. But he obviosuly has issues that cannot be overlooked. Once again, something fortunate for me is we live in a different state.
She feels he has been unfairly judged because he has served his time. Neither I nor my family are able to look at the situation like that. Especially with a crime that has such a high repeat offender rate.
We have determined that while they might have a wonderful, great relationship, he is simply not welcome at any of our families homes or get togethers. This causes particular grief for my sister during holiday times, but my sister, my mother and I explained to her that we simply cannot "look the other way" on this and allow him to be a welcome member of our family. I would stress to your sister that you love her (if you do :)) but explain to her in no uncertain terms you do not want him around your family, period. My sister is still welcome. But her fiance is not. Because of her disability, we would not ever choose to leave her alone with my daughter anyway. So her questionable judgement is not really an issue we have to deal with ( in regard to our childrens safety)
Additionally, my family reported to the state where he moved. At that time, we found out that he had not been reporting his address' as required by law for several years. He was arrested and served an additional 90 day term for parole violations.
I think that you are fortunate to know this piece of his history. I would not be shy about informing other family members and parents about it. They need the appropriate tools to protect their children as well. The father of the children definitely needs to know. It is not an obligation to him so much, as one to the children.
2007-01-04 08:18:45 · answer #3 · answered by halibut man 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This would greatly concern me. I think that she is being blinded by his charm. This guy has just found heaven with all these lil innocent children around. I would not want to be in the wedding anyways. She is putting her children in great danger. Sure some people can change but I would not take a chance with my children or any one elses. It is your business what he has done in his past when it is of that nature. That is why the courts notify people when a sexual predator moves into the neighborhood. I think she is making a big mistake.
2007-01-04 07:35:49 · answer #4 · answered by Miss Crickett 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is messed up that she chose not to tell anyone. You guys to have the right to know. But at the same time, you were wrong too. It is not your business to pry and sneak around to find out the juice. It sounds like you are a drama queen, I could be wrong, maybe you are just very concerned about the situation. But, if you told people in your family, that was wrong! It was a horrible thing for him to do, but how long ago was it? How old was he at the time? Was he a young teenager? Who was the woman he raped? Maybe you should give him a chance, he might be a changed man. But I would keep a watchful eye on him.
Would I ever marry someone that was convicted of 1st degree sexual assault? HELL NO!!! If she wants to be stupid, let her do it. Again, it's her life, not yours.
2007-01-04 07:46:57 · answer #5 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I agree 100%! I have a similar situation - one of my best friends married a man that did time as a sex offender. She met him through a church group and she may believe he's a changed man but I believe as a friend she should have told us. I believe if someone has changed, they have to admit their past. If he's hiding it, that's a problem.
I personally would give my sister the ultimatum to tell her children's father or I would. Wouldn't you want to know? She could actually be at risk of losing custody of her children. I can tell you right now that if I was the father and found out something like that was kept from me and my kids were at risk... I would be sure to have our custody agreement re-evaluated.
2007-01-04 07:41:57 · answer #6 · answered by Kyme 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Everybody involved should be notified! Sexual preditors NEVER change, even in their golden years. They are a constant threat to any children around them.
He's sorry? What else do you expect him to say? Next time he does it, he will again say, "I'm sorry". GET A CLUE!
If you don't enlighten your sister to the eminant threat, you are just as responsible as her if something happens to her kids.
Why do think that sexual preditors are THE ONLY convicts to be tracked and their neighbors notified when they move in, FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE!!!
Your sister's life will be terribly affected by his presence.
I'm sorry, but she and her kids are in great harm. Your family will suffer his from his actions and his history. Do whatever is nessecsary to end this thing before it's too late.
2007-01-04 07:41:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The children's father has the right to know about this. If I didn't have custody of my child and he was going to be living with a convicted sex offender, I would want to know about it, so I could try to take my child out of that situation. She's acting very irresponsibly.
Yes, he might be sorry and he might never do it again, but you have to put your children first. Why put them in a situation where there was a chance of something like that happening?
2007-01-04 07:34:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
TELL YOUR SISTERS KID's FATHER
IMMEDIATELY!
Dont call him yourself
send him the info
HE needs to know so that he can protect his kids.
THEY should come first.
your sister is obviously nuts
and would compromise her kids on the 'chance' that he has changed.
Of course you deserved to know
you have done nothing wrong.
SO what you are not in the wedding.
very few will show when they know the truth...
also, if he is a convicted child abuser. he is probably forbidden by law to be in the same house with these kids.
call the probation office to find out.
when you call them say I want to talk to the person in charge of 'mans name'.
Tell probation officer, 'i know you cannot discuss this with me but 'mans name' is involved with my sister and I am worried about her young daughters. is there anyway you can have the victim's parents call me?
You need to know what this guys M.O. is so that you can look for the signs
I feel scared for your little neices
and sorry for yoru sister.
Are your parents still alive
your little nieces need you all right now.
maybe your dad can go and threaten him!
what is he going to do/ call the police LOL
maybe he will leave on his own after all the pressure
2007-01-04 07:42:01 · answer #9 · answered by kissmymiddlefinger 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Do you know exactly what he was charged with? Sexual Assault doesn't necessarily mean it was against children. In any case the father should be notified (if he's concerned about his kids). You don't need to distant yourself from your sister. She's family (even though she may not be thinking straight). Plus your nieces/nephews may need you. The last thing you want is for your sister to distance herself and THEM and you or your family not know how they are doing.
2007-01-04 08:00:09 · answer #10 · answered by Redbutter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with you 100% you have the moral right, nay, RESPONSIBILITY to your children and your community to notify people that convicted sex offender is going to be a part of the family and the neighborhood. Your sister is disgusting and the father should definitely know so that he can try to sue for custody. Shame on her. She is a silly woman who has no right getting married, let alone procreating. I hope you wouldn't have stood in that wedding regardless of whether you were removed from the wedding party or not. Good luck and thanks for having the guts to stand up to your family.
2007-01-04 07:33:43 · answer #11 · answered by Princess~C 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋