2 kids - 1 gets on ok with dad but is scared stiff of him cos he hits him - 1 hates him and seems to be hated by his dad and new wife who a few weeks ago called him a retard and a b1tch !!?
dad, and his new wife has caused nothing but trouble over last 4 years. he is now paying no support for kids and i am expected to do half the travelling to take kids to see him cost about 100. what would you do? im so angry about the maintenence and the way he treats them, but is it worse for kids if i cut the contact? or if i split the kids and let one go but not the one who hates it so much..is that worse for him in the long run to be the one cut out(even though its what he says he wants he is only 8).and if he can be and allow one son to be abused whats to say they wont start on the eldest when he is the only one there. this has happened before with the eldest, his dad disowned him. its all a mess and he seems to do whatever he wants and get away with it. is there any way to make him see sense
2007-01-04 07:26:25 · 23 answers · asked by slsvenus 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thanks for all your answers so far, they are helping.i have full residence order for both kids, he has stopped paying since i contacted csa to try and get maintence paid on a regular basis. we do half the travelling each, he picks them up and i collect them every other weekend. Ive been through the court system and got full residence to ensure he returns them after contact, he applied for custody and got laughed out of court but visitation was set in court. just seems whichever way i turn to try to sort things me and the kids lose out. i supose its the splitting them up and sending one but not the other that i am struggling making a decision. after the last bad episode i have decided one more incident and they will both be removed but maybe i am wrong to wait.
2007-01-04 07:53:05 · update #1
I don't have any kids of my own but I have seen this before. I would personally not let the kids go with him. Yes it is their father but if your sons are raised with this type of abuse they will more than likely do it to their children too. I have a friend who's parents go divorced and her father remarried, well all was fine until the new mother started doing crazy stuff. The new mom gave the 15 year old son a box of condoms and said here go nuts. Shortly after that the new mom had him kicked out of the house and didn't want anything to do with him. So she started hanging out with my friend. Well then she ended up telling my friend that she was no longer allowed to be in the house that her dad owned ( but her friend was living there with them) This woman has got the kids to trust her then she just pushed them out of their lives. It was horrible that someone could do that to another person. You sound like you know that your children shouldn't be around this type of thing but you don't want to deny them a father figure. If this man is going to treat them like that he really isn't a father. And you can go to court if you need to and get the money he should be paying you. I hope I helped a little bit.
Good luck
2007-01-04 07:36:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry.
As always, you're the mum and you have to be strong. Can't tell you how embarrassed I am as a man to have to write that.
I think that your children will understand a lot more about this situation than perhaps you are giving them credit for? You protect them so well that maybe you don't realise always how resilient kids can be. I know this from personal experience.
Discuss it with them. Explain that you cannot pay for everything and that their father needs to take responsibility too. Do not make it your responsibility to cut contact...make it his. If he cannot be reasonable and a good father to his children...then the fault is 100% his and 0% yours.
My guess is you and your kids are the real strong people here.
2007-01-04 07:33:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your ex and his wife are idiots. Any adult person who calls a child a "retard and *****" needs to be slapped silly! Why are you doing the travel to TAKE his own children to him? Make him come and get them! That part is his responsibility! As long as you do that he will continue using you (your ex). At this point, I would contact your attorney and get full parental rights to these poor kids. He's a worthless bag of crap, and so is his wife. The kids need to know this is NOT their fault either....they sound like they have been in the middle way too long. There is NO WAY to make this man see sense. He has none. Keep the kids with you and make him pay dearly thru child support. Any attorney will gladly seek ending this mans right to his kids the way he's treating them. Good luck girl.
2007-01-04 07:34:42 · answer #3 · answered by msjinx39 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
what does the x say when you tell him about your concerns.
I would not make my 8 year old go if he does not like to go because of the reasons that he stated.
YOUR EX HUSBAND IS A PUSZY! which is probably why you left him. I would give him the chance to talk to his wife but I would not let it go at that
I would also call the new wife and tell her if she calls my kid anything other than his name I would be there to kick her aZZ when I go to pick him up. Dont leave that message as she will pretend to be all scared and call the police saying you threatened her...but do tell her let her know that you mean business.
Tell her that you dont want the husband back so she can stop being jealous, you had him and htat she is playing in YOUR seconds.
Your kids deserve better.
I bet that the x is the one that started the split
not much else you can do as it is up to your ex to decide if a relationship with his kids is worth treating them better.
if he doesnt
it is up to you to protect your kids.
I am slight angry with YOU for saying he is only 8
at 8 he is plenty aware of his feelings and how it makes him feel to be called stupid and whatever other names she has in store.
TRUST what he is saying
and act accordingly.
your ex will probably be relieved not to have them visit and your child will have much better self esteem if he is not subjected to such abuse.
2007-01-04 07:32:24 · answer #4 · answered by kissmymiddlefinger 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As your children are old enough to understand what is going on then ask them if they still want to see him.
As a mother i don't think it is always best to decide for them as it is you who they will blame if you make the wrong decision - either way.
If they do decide to see him, then don't make any effort to take them to him. If he wants to see them he will travel to see them.
Go to CSA regarding money - or court if in America!
My ex sees my son and they have a great relationship but he messes me about all the time. Its a pain but sometimes best just to try and get on with it. Set the rules for contact i.e. every sat 12- 4 with no times changes for example. Up to him if he wants to stick to it.
Good luck - hope you get it worked out.
2007-01-04 07:43:16 · answer #5 · answered by peachy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a horrible situation for you and your kids. My advice would be to cut off all contact with your ex, report his abusive behaviour to the police and the lack of maintenance money to the appropriate authorities. Explain what is going on to your kids and be completely honest with them.
Eventually, maybe agree to supervised visits only for your ex and see how it goes but keep the kids away from him for now before he does some serious damage to them, mentally or physically.
2007-01-04 07:32:25 · answer #6 · answered by qurm_kim 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call Child Protective Services in his area to investigate the next time the children are there. Talk to a lawyer and set up supervised visitation and make the father come to where you are!
2007-01-04 07:32:18 · answer #7 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i have been in a similar position, what you have to do is sit down with the children, i understand that one is only eight, but even an eight year old knows and understands what is going on. Does the older child see what is going on with the eight year old or are they oblivious to it. you have to talk to your children and ask them how they feel about what is happening children. i was lucky the father of my children didn't bother to see my children due to the fact his new wife didn't want them around they were 2 half and 5 and a half but they knew exactly what was going on. sit the kids down and talk. when you have asked them what they want you will find it easier to decide what to do.
2007-01-04 08:08:48 · answer #8 · answered by woo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a mother, you should protect your children first. Their father should deseve to see them and it does not appear that he does. A spanking here and there may be in order but that does not sound like what is going on here. I would get sole custody and protect them from their father. Better be scared by their father not being their then physically AND emottionally scared! Best of luck to you.
2007-01-04 07:30:44 · answer #9 · answered by C. A 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stop the madness. I don't you even have to ask. It appears that you have a great deal of love for the children. I assume that you are with their mom. If the kids are old enough explain to them why you think it is not a good idea for them to be with their dad. You know that you need to protect them and you can't when they are with him. Also report him to the proper authorities if the truth is on your side. Also read Bastard of Carolina; A Child Called IT.
Please please intervene before it is too late.
2007-01-04 07:31:54 · answer #10 · answered by LOLO W 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋