I have recently enrolled in Kaplan University online. My husband tells me he wants me to go school and that he supports me, but he drops these hints to me that he does not want me to go to school. I have tried to talk to him about me going back to school, but the only answer I get from him is, "I don't care, do what you want."
He wants me to drop out of school that I have not even started yet and move to a bigger city where he can make more money. What about me? I can't get the job i desire doing what I want to do unless I get my Bachelor's Degree in Accounting. I would like to move to a bigger city too, but I also want to go to school, and I am already enrolled in this school and classes start in a couple of days. I don't know what to do.
Please help.
2007-01-04 06:59:40 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Higher Education (University +)
Most likely you'd be able to transfer any credits you earn before you move. double check with the admissions office to make sure that your credits will transfer to another school in the city your husband wants to move to. you aren't limited by the situation, only by how you are approaching it. your other choice is to wait a little while and start college after you move. If the college you are "attending" is totally online, then it won't matter where you are.
2007-01-04 07:03:42 · answer #1 · answered by LEMME ANSWER THAT! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If classes haven't started yet you should be able to get a full tuition refund, especially if you have a reason like "will be moving mid-semester". You can also finish the online stuff from wherever you end up. If your husband has an actual job offer, than it makes sense to move, but if not, pull out those bean-counting skills and research first. It's quite possible he WON"T earn more money, but thinks he will, or that he'll earn more because living expenses are higher, and you'll end up in the same financial place you are now. And make sure that part of your research is where you will get your degree in this new town. OK, now that the practical stuff has been handled, when a person says "I don't care, do what you want" on something this big, it usually means "I don't want you to do this, but I'll look like a jerk if I say so." Like everyone's been telling you, you'll have to talk to him more somehow. Maybe when you discuss why it's a bad (or good!) financial decision to move, you can bring up the fact that once you've got your degree, you will make more money wherever you are. But in the end, if getting your degree is important to you, then you need to do it with or without his support.
2007-01-04 07:19:01 · answer #2 · answered by Robin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communicate. Tell him why your education is important to you, and explain that you feel like he's sending you mixed signals. Talk about the time it will take to put into this degree, and that you would be willing to move when you obtain your degree. A couple of years may sound like a long time now, but the time really flies by. Explain to him that your degree would mean more money also, so moving to a bigger city could benefit both of your careers if he's willing to put the move on hold for a while.
Even if you BOTH decide to put your education on hold, you should try it out for a semester, especially since the classes are about to begin. That way you can find your strengths and weaknesses with the program to prepare yourself if you start the classes up again later.
Good luck!!
2007-01-04 07:10:00 · answer #3 · answered by hgreen_2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are on line it doesn't matter. Just change your address with the University. If you are concerned that your computer system will be down for awhile, go to the library to study. Check on the policy for turning in assignments as the move will take quite a bit of time for you.
Being in a city will give you more opportunities to study in person, in a classroom, at the local Community college and then probably at a branch of a major Uni.. Better than on line any day.
Intellectually he wants you to go, but emotionally he is struggling. I have the same issue with my spouse and exercise - intellectually it's a great idea. When it comes to dinner at 7:30 instead of 6:30, that's another matter.
Can you get to his real bottom line concern? His education level vs. your future one? No time to cook? No time to do laundry? (No time to baby him?) Expense of an education?
I am sure he cannot (or will not) put a name to what's bugging him. Maybe you can probe with some of the more practical suggestions above and then reach a compromise on what's bothering him.
Good luck! If a man wants to hold you back, he's not worth keeping . . .
2007-01-04 07:34:09 · answer #4 · answered by kramerdnewf 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice is to have a very honest conversation with your husband about where you two see your lives going in the next 5-10 years, and what you two need to do in order to make it happen.
If he is putting his dreams ahead of yours, I would suggest working out a compromise, such as moving to the big city once you have a degree. If it ends up being a big stalemate, talk to a counselor. Divorce may also be an option you have to consider.
2007-01-04 07:04:59 · answer #5 · answered by Michael L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try scheduling a time to sit down with him and really be honest about this decision. Perhaps he has reasons that he does not feel comfortable telling you right now or is ashamed of admitting to you. Maybe he thinks he will no longer be the main bread winner and you will look at him differently. Try and find out his real motives behind not wanting you to go back to school.
I find that most men like to be the main bread winner. They like to be the main provider for their family. It gives them a sense of self-worth when it comes to taking care of their family. If they feel they have lost or will lose that position, it messes with the way they view their role and place in the family. Sit down and talk to him honestly and see what's behind his negative comments.
2007-01-04 07:06:16 · answer #6 · answered by fancyface1 l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey you are doing online classes so moving anywhere is not such a big deal. You have to follow the advice Nike has given us for years-JUST DO IT. Maybe your husband is less supportive than you would like because he is worried you won't follow through. Well, kick it into gear girl and do it to it.
2007-01-04 07:03:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If hes not supporting you hes not being a good Husband, Husbands are spouse to have their wives backs. I'd personally just Sit him down and say
"Hey, I really Really Wanna go back to school for a we bit so I can get My bachlors and It be really Nice If you supported me, Seeing thats a husbands job in all."
2007-01-04 07:05:55 · answer #8 · answered by RWAR. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what you want to do. The most important person in your life is yourself. He could walk out on you anytime and you would be mad at yourself for not doing what your heart desires.
2007-01-04 07:05:35 · answer #9 · answered by kathra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's sabotaging you. He's probably insecure that you will leave once you get a good education.
2007-01-04 07:03:03 · answer #10 · answered by Catspaw 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋