My step daughter is 13, has a boyfriend, and I saw on her my space she put she is bi, and has taken some sex tests about oral sex, and sexual preferences. She lives in another state with her mom, but Im worried she's going to start being sexually active. I know girls relationships with their dads have a lot to do with when they start having sex, so what can my husband or I do being so far away??Help!
2007-01-04 06:25:39 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
at 13 lots of girls feel they are bisexual and lots of girls do those silly little tests about sexual issues... it is a fun way to pass the time and to find out about these things however if that is her only source of information about sex then she is headed for trouble and heartbreak...
the best way to delay (you wont really keep them from having sex) a teen heading into sex is to begin talking to them about relationship and sex at a very early age in a very matter of fact way so they are getting all the good and correct information from the people who care and is armed with all kinds of positive feeling about herself and the topic of sex.
one thing I did do with my daughters is to talk to them when they were about 11 about the pick up lines that boys use, you remember the crass, the clever, the witty, and the down right disgusting things that boys say (it really hasnt changed over the years) I talked them through every pick up line I knew and asked frineds for pick up lines they knew and the kinds of things boys say to pressure girls into sex.. in other words they learnt to recognise the things that boys might say to them and we developed a whole range of asnwers the girls could use... from the straight out "No" to some clever comebacks.
Oh I know there will be a whole range of people who will say you talked about that with them at eleven! omg! but honestly if you arent dealing with the issue at an early age the girls have no ammunition to protect themselves.. no way of knowing what to say in a given situation... no way to know it is not only okay to say no but it is their right to say no...
being so far away the only thing you can really do is talk to her on the phone.. send her emails... and when she comes to visit make time for you and her dad to talk to her about sex and sexual preference..it will help her to know that you are both in her court..
if her dads relationship with her is a healthy one and she feels loved and supported by him then she will be much stronger and safer in the world for it.
2007-01-04 06:41:19 · answer #1 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, tuff question. Hmmm, I'd probably have your husband talk to his ex and try to come up with a game plan. I think the mother needs to take the lead on this one since your husband lives in another state. I think your husband should try to suggest that his daughter get involved in more sports and community service. 13 is definitely too young to be having sex (been there done that, and totally regret it).
Your step-daughter needs activities to keep her occupied and that give her self-worth (so that she doesn't go looking for it in the arms of a man). When she comes to visit, make sure she has some quality 1 on 1 time with Dad. That definitely makes a difference. I lost my virginity at 13 because my parents were going thru a majorly dramatic divorce and my problems were totally ignored so I started acting out.
Good luck!
2007-01-04 06:34:16 · answer #2 · answered by curious_maya 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have her spend an entire day helping a mother with a young infant if you know anyone with a baby. The mother will be happy for the help and your step-daughter will get some idea of the consequences of sex (even if birth-control is used) and the idea that this is an 24 hour a day every single day for the next 18 years responsibility that will take away her freedom might make an impression. If possible, get a really colicky baby! They cry and cry and almost nothing you can do will soothe them!
Good for you for being such a caring step-mother!
2007-01-04 06:36:56 · answer #3 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I admire your mum's stance. Although the news must have shocked her quite a bit, she sought to make sure you're protected against STDs and unwanted pregnancy. Do follow her advice - she wishes you all the best. Need I be honest I wouldn't be best pleased that my 15 year old daughter is having sex, but I think I'd react very much like your mum did. After all, when I was 15 I had sex too.
2016-03-29 07:40:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being so far away makes it hard to really have face to face contact. The sad fact is that she will get pregnant then the mother will either force her to abort and then send her to live with you guys ( like it's a punishment or something). OR you will end up inheriting the baby and the daughter.
I disagree with all the people that say you have no say or no control. Teen-age sex and pregnancy in this country is an epidemic andit should be dealt with by all of us. We all pay taxes, we all support these girls and their babies. They do not realize the dangers or they simply don't care. I would no sooner walk past a child starving and leave them for death than I would two teens sucking face in the mall. As parents, teachers, nurses, neighbors, women, and humans it is our duty and obligation to do every thing in our power to prevent this from happening over and over.
As for your direct situation I think she needs to go and talk to some girls who are living in a teen pregnancy shelter or home for unwed mothers. She needs to hear from the girls who were "so in love" they just had to do it and he was the man of her dreams and how many of those girls still have that love of their life. She needs to know how hard it is to finish school, how hard it is to work, how hard it is to have friends. How humiliating it is to have to beg the government to help you take careof your child and once you do how they treat you like you are a second class citizen with No privacy. She needs to go to a support group for girls with STDs and how that one time with the "man of their dreams" almost killed them. How they will never be able to have sex again without telling the person they have this disease. She needs to understand that once she does cross that line very, very, very few come back. She WILL end up pregnant and with her being as young as she is she will probably have 2 if not 3 by the time she turns 20. NOT ALL but most just keep the cycle repeating. If her mother refuses your involvement you need to seek help from one of her neighbors or other close family members or even a teacher. She needs this wake up call now. Good luck to you.
2007-01-04 07:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by 1973kimberly 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A kid 13 is young enough that her mother should be able to keep her in on school nights. She could go out after school during afternoons, but a kid 13 ought to be in nights.
If there's an eighth-grade dance once in a while her mother could bring her (and friend or two after talking to their mothers) there and pick her up after.
There's a point where she could find a place to have sex on a school afternoon, but it wouldn't be making it very easy for her; and if the mother tuned in to where the kid is it could make it a little more difficult.
I think you should tell your husband what you know about his daughter (if you haven't already). He should talk to her mother about any plan of action. Really, this shouldn't be something you involve yourself with because she is not your child even if you do care about her.
I tend to think the biggest threat to young people's holding off on sexual activity is more from our culture's messages and the fact that the youngest kids these days are well versed in sexual matters awfully early.
2007-01-04 06:40:51 · answer #6 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Let her babysit and not a cute little newborn that sleeps most of the time no a toddler that is cranky and throws temper tantrums frequently will be perfect let her watch a few episodes of a baby story oh and let her read some stuff on the pregnancy talk boards on the internet you know women talking about their swollen anckles, stretch marks, morning sickness and the like should scare her shitless.
Talk about AIDS and herpes and all the other nasty diseases you can get as well.
2007-01-04 07:32:17 · answer #7 · answered by Tonyal P 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
okay well i am 17 and some stuff that i had on my myspace want for real or was fake.. sometimes you just put stuff to impress others.. But if you really do feel like she is sexually actuve i would do what my mom did to me (and im not sexually active) She just took me shopping to one of my favorite stores and told me a story called "what happened to nancy" (she has a bf and he rapes her, she gets aids and dies) Then she told me that is is very easy to get a disease , and you might think that if you get pregnant that boy will be there but he wont.. That all boys think about one thing: getting laid. and its true.. Boys make girls feel special to trick them into making out with them(or whatever).. its happened to me before, but after my mom had that talk with me i was more carefull about what boys told me and how they treated me. Or you can try finding a close older realitive or friend of hers that is a good example and have her talk to her..
Make sure you tell her that guys dont like girl who are easy!
They just use them!
2007-01-04 06:32:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
not a whole lot, except express to her the shallowness of teenage sexual relationships. Help her gain some self confidence so she's not looking for it in the physical relationships with boys.
Really though, what she needs is to NOT have a boyfriend, and to be more closely monitored. 13 year olds are still children, hell, 17 year olds are still children, and shouldnt be set free with all those hormones into compromising situations without being well educated, and closely monitored.
2007-01-04 06:30:19 · answer #9 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Wow, this is a tough one! Theres no much you can do to make her stop, if she really wants to she will do it. You can only educate her and tell her how it makes you feel as her dad!
Tell her that she should really respect herself and take care of herself. As far as her sexuality in my opinion thats a mental state of mind that people are born with. Good luck my friend!
2007-01-04 06:34:39 · answer #10 · answered by hondalos11 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋