he teases me about everything, from cheating on him to lying to him, to touching his stuff, being snoopy, deleting "boyfriends' numbers" from my cell phone. sometimes i think he's serious, but he says he's joking most of the time, so i've been brushing it off with a laugh & a "yeah right", but then he asked why i always laugh at him when he's being serious, right after a few teases. i have a hard time figuring out when he's joking & when he's serious, and he's really not helping. i've told him these things, i don't know how else to get through to him that this is putting me on edge with him so i don't ever know where i stand with him & don't really feel safe talking & responding to him.
2007-01-04 06:13:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we have sex at least 7 x a week, no problems there!
2007-01-04 06:16:39 · update #1
I know where you're coming from. My man is a big joker and teaser. I'm still trying to learn when he's joking. I used to get so mad when he'd say something so off-the-wall (about other guys, cheating, cracks on me, etc.) but most of the time now, I know when he's kidding. If you're married, then you should know him better than you're portraying. If you don't know when he's kidding, then you guys have gotten married without developing any communcation ties.....that's not good. If he jokes with you like that, he should later reassure you that he loves you and knows that you love him just as much.
2007-01-04 06:28:35 · answer #1 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would tell him that even though it might be teasing from his side, you can never fully tell, so it's best for him to let you know straight out when he is being serious. Otherwise, you are just going to think of it as teasing every time. And if he feels that it's neccessary to tease you as the only way of bringing up these issues, it seems that deep down on some level, he might be insecure about his relationship with you, and is teasing you so that he can bring it up some way. If he trusts you, he shouldn't tease you. If he wants you to feel safe and loved, the teasing should stop, and you have the right to ask him to do so.
2007-01-04 14:19:26 · answer #2 · answered by chocolateandnuts 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust me: this guy is serious. You need to tell him that you are not cheating on him or doing any of the other things he's accusing you of, and that you don't want to be teased about these things anymore. The very fact that he's making you feel uncomfortable is reason enough for him to stop. If he continues the behavior, you need to consider leaving.
Should you decide to leave, do so without telling him in advance, because this guy sounds like a powder keg. Be careful.
2007-01-04 14:30:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. It is hard to deal with a insensitive bully, even if he IS your husband! You need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him. Tell him how he is making you feel. Tell him to stop. It is NOT just YOUR problem, though he most certainly will try to say it is. What he is doing is insensitive and cruel. If he will not listen to you, then I highly recommend going to marriage counseling. If he will not go, then go yourself. A counselor will be able to help you be more assertive and secure. Then you can deal with your husband better. Personally, though, if he is not willing to do some work on your relationship (like going to counseling), I don't think he is worth the trouble. If counseling does not help, you might consider talking to an attorney. Good luck!
2007-01-04 14:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like his insecurity is getting out of control. Talking to a third party might help him find a way to really vent what makes him feel insecure enough as to tease you about being unfaithful.
Another course of action is to give him a taste of his own medicine. If he wants to tease you and pretend to be perfectly serious, maybe it's time to respond in kind... when he gets his feelings hurt, explain that he's making you feel untrusted when he accuses you, even playfully, of things you haven't done.
2007-01-04 14:35:15 · answer #5 · answered by CR329 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is obviously a big issue here. Sounds like this relationship moved a little too quickly or you guys are just too young.
I had a manipulative ex-fiancee who accused me about just LOOKING at other girls, and she wasn't joking. At first I thought she was, because it was so crazy.
Your hubby is not secure, and maybe - just maybe - he's accusing you to keep YOU from accusing HIM and finding out that he's really started cheating on YOU.
If I were you, I'd get out of this situation as soon as possible, and find a nice healthy relationship with somebody who's more emotionally ready for it.
2007-01-04 14:56:56 · answer #6 · answered by SoCalSkierGuy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok,u want the real deal?? Sounds like he is a mental abuser.He is deliberatly throwing you off balance, by keeping you confused.
dont feel safe? it is just what he wants to hear. He is trying to mess with your head. Don't let him!! Sex is good,ok,that is fine,but is it worth your sense of security or your self-worth? I didn't think so. I was married to an abuser myself for 5 years,and after the bruises faded,the mental scars are left behind. They will not go away for a long time. Ditch the jerk and forget all about him. He is no good for you.
2007-01-04 14:34:19 · answer #7 · answered by Dragonflygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that for over 13 years and finally kicked him to the curb because he told me I was being "over emotional" when I told him I was not a child and neither was he and that he needed to grow up and quit teasing me. It was his way of showing authority by trying to belittle - but when i started doing it back to him - he didnt like it - give him some of his own medicine and see how HE likes it - then tell him to GROW UP!!
2007-01-04 14:28:30 · answer #8 · answered by jst_lv_me_alone 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husbands teasing is hiding up his insecurity with himself and your relationship. Most people claim they are teasing once they see how a person reacts to what they were going to say. For instance your husband could say something like "Your cheating on me. I know it!" and once he sees your facial expressions he knows the truth so then he says "Oh just kidding babe." If I were you I would sit him down and ask him what is going on. He may know it bothers you and he wants your attention and that could be why he continues to tease.
2007-01-04 14:18:43 · answer #9 · answered by hockey_kisses 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The thing that jumps out at me is....."deleting boyfriends numbers from your cell phone" Are you actually married? If so, it doesnt sound that either one of you are secure with each other....
And with good reason. I dont mean to be harsh, but perhaps maturity and communication seem stronger items of concern here, in my opinion. Best wishes for NEW year resolutions!
2007-01-04 14:21:19 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋