Is 4 months too soon to move in with someone and talk marriage?

Question

I really love this woman and spend every night with her

Answer 1

You must listen to Tom Leykis, go to www.blowmeuptom.com 3-8pm PST. It will change your life!

Answer 2

It's not too soon if you are thinking about it logically. Instead of thinking, "oh, she makes me so happy" and "oh, this is meant to be" and "oh, I just want to cuddle with her all day long", think about how your relationship would be if you didn't have that. Do you even know her enough to know what that will be like? Be smart about it. How well does she (or do you) compromise when you want different things? Do either of you expect to be babied by the other person? Do you expect to be the ruler of your home? Does she expect to be your "little lady" whom you are supposed to play footsie with and take care of? My parents began dating and got married within 6 months, my husband and I got married 5 1/2 months after we met, and my brother and his wife dated for about months before getting engaged (but they were engaged about 1 1/2 years). My parents have been married 33 years. Of course, my brother and his wife, and my husband and I have only been married a few years, but we are all doing very well in our marriages. Our relationship survived a tour in Iraq and his time away in the police academy less than a year after he came home. He's leaving for the police academy again for 6 months next week, and 4 additional months of training, but no worries.

To sum it up, it's risky, but it's not a definite recipe for failure.

Answer 3

Worked for me!

It depends on a few things (this is good advice no matter how long you're engaged):

1. You need to know everything about her, and she needs to know everything about you. No secrets, no hiding your flaws, no "putting forth your best representative".

2. Make sure she accepts EVERYTHING about you, and that you accept EVERYTHING about her. Nobody is going to change. Don't expect to change the other person, and don't commit to changing yourself. You are what you are NOW.

2(a): people change. I know, this contradicts the previous - but you need to get a feel for whether your spouse is borderline and might change in a way that would be unacceptable. This is the reason people shouldn't get married too young.

3. If you're in a community property state, everything will be 50/50 in a divorce, and marriage is a legal contract allowing that. It's a business deal, and you need to feel that it's worth signing on the dotted line. If you each bring in equal assets and earning potential, then this is a moot point; but if she's a spoiled princess with $50K in credit debt and no job, and you're earning 6 figures, then you've got "SUCKER" written on your forehead. A huge % of marriages fail because of money.

4. You need to be good friends (which requires trust, and having things in common other than sex). Infatuation, sex, fire, and passion will fade with time - as some books have said, it's like going from a bonfire to the glowing embers stage. If you camp a little, you know the fire is warmer when you get to the glowing embers stage. What's left is a friendship. I imagine my wife and myself swinging on a porch in our old age, her playfully tring to swing the opposite way.

5. You need to agree about how to raise kids. Punishments, rewards, limits, how many kids, who will do what, what you'll teach them, religion, inheritance, etc. If you have even one significant point of disagreement here, it can end your marriage. A huge # of marriages fail because of disagreements about kids.

So, you like spending every night with her - but do you see yourself growing old with her, being geezers in rocking chairs, her knitting and you channel surfing on your VR headset (or whatever they have 40 years from now), taking out the trash, feeding the pets, and stuff like that?

Then talk marriage.

Answer 4

I have always been told to be with someone for 4 seasons before you make this decision. You can move in together, but I would wait the year to make any marriage decisions. If you love her as you say you do, a year won't make any difference right?

Answer 5

You know when it is right. Go with your gut feeling. Every relationship is different and moving in together before mariage is a good way to fond out if it will work. Being together 27/7 and having to deal with each other will either make or break your relationship. I say better to find out before getting married.

Answer 6

Only you can make that decision - it varies for different people. I was with my partner for 2 years before I moved in with him but I have a mate that met a guy and got married within 6 months of meeting him

Answer 7

I'm not saying it would never work but you cant possibly know each other well enough to move in together in 4 months. I did it in 6 months and it was the single most disastrous thing I did.

Answer 8

Yes it is. Take your time. What's the rush? Afraid someone else will snap her up? Just date her for a while and if things go right move in together. Then talk marriage.

Answer 9

No, we moved in together after only 2 weeks, got married a month later, and have enjoyed a 12 year honeymoon!

Answer 10

My bf and I moved in together after 5 months, were preg with our daughter after 7 months and were married after 2 yrs. We have now been together for 10 yrs, married for almost 8. I think if you both feel right about it and you don't feel like you're rushing, then go for it!
Good Luck to you!

Answer 11

WAY too soon.

Marry first. Then move in. It's the right thing to do and trust me - living with someone and being married to them are NOT the same. Don't believe that crap. Anyone who says that is likely not married.