I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 4. we have 2 kids anges 3 and 5 and I have one before us age 9.my 9 yr old does not get along with him cause he treats him different but I do see my husband working on it.about 3 1/2 years ago my husband was always putting me down and I found another guy FRIEND to talk to.well over the past 3 yrs we have gotten really close and have actually talked about a future together.he doesnt have any kids but we spend alot of time together.me and my husband dont even see each other 30 min. a week and we rarely talk.I am so in love with my friend but I dont know which road to take..should I stay for my kids or try to get my own place with my kids and be single for a little while.me and my friend have talked about it and feel we should live in seperate houses for awhile only cause it wont look good but we r best friends and I want to spend my life with him the only thing is my kids are my husbands life should I have that right to get up & go?
2007-01-04 05:59:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The grass always looks better on the other side. Talk to your husband and be completely honest. Start out by maybe naming somethings that you don't like that he does and visa versa. Then set out somethings that must change. If either one of you feel that you can't comply with the others request then maybe you should separate but I wouldn't advise you start dating that quickly it could really affect your kids. Trust I know my parents divorce and started dating other people and it about tore my world apart.
2007-01-04 06:22:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married here myself now 6 years. It's easy to find a male friend to fill the voids your current husband is lacking, trust me. But, do you still love your husban? Or, you sure this "friend" would be everything you need or would you search for what he lacks in someone else? Not judging... just saying...I don't think we ever get "it all" in one person. You said your husband treated you bad 3 1/2 years ago...has he changed? Has he worked on it?... Only your heart can tell you what to do here...but, yes you have children to consider. He sounds like he may be a good father here. Decide what's most important to you. YOU want to leave b/c you're ready to get physical with your friend, right? You may want to keep your friend as just that a FRIEND. Sometimes female/male relationships develop into what we think could be more..but, it sometimes is just a phase and we realize we were better off just being friends. Good Luck
2007-01-04 14:09:07 · answer #2 · answered by Hear2Help 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you feel the security of this 2nd man, which is giving you the strength to make an adjustment in your life. However, I would NOT move OUT of one relationship, INTO another. Please dont make any decisions without strong considerations.
First, ensure that you've made every effort to save your marriage, NOT for the children, but for ALL concerned. If that is completely impossible, then start the wheels of divorce. I would further suggest your mate move out. You remain in the home with your children. And your mate should provide child support and alimony. This is not a free rein for you to have a relationship with another. But rather, your strong interests are you, and the welll being of your children.. Once your divorce is final, only then should you consider what your independence means to you AND your children. Best Wishes on your best decisions!
2007-01-04 14:12:51 · answer #3 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! And to think you actually posted your selfishness on the internet for all to see and appreciate that your kids are so important to you that you want to be sure its okay if you just pick up and leave and move on with your life. Did you husband have these kids without you? Or did you actually birth them? Do you think your kids might miss you? Or is your happiness more important than theirs? Your husband is working on the relationship with the kids that isn't his and yet your solution is to take up with a guy friend? WOW! Some package you are. Any more like you at home? I feel sorry for your kids, who so deserve a better mother than you, but unfortunately, you are all they got besides their Dad. Mam, please think a little, engage your brain and try and come to an adult solution for your rather childish self. It is possible to arrange for your childrens happiness without sacrificing your happiness for life, but it requires some thoughtfulness and some honestly, which you seem to be sorely lacking. Try and work an equitable solution with your husband BEFORE leaving him and the kids. Good luck!
2007-01-04 14:21:21 · answer #4 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you really need an answer to this or are you just trying to get enough support from others, in order to develope the nerve to do what you know is wrong?
Come on. Stop being a kid. You know that you are wrong in leaving and so do we. Just because you can get enough people to agree with you or to absolve you of doing wrongly wont actually change anything now will it?
Fact is, you knew you were wrong in letting another guy close, or you are just stupid, one or the other.
2007-01-04 14:05:40 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your friend seems more appealing because you don't have bills to pay together, leaking roofs to deal with together, who's going to drop the kids at day care together etc. This is always the case.
You should reconnect with your husband. If you cannot work it out with your husband (with REAL effort), so be it, but DO NOT leave your husband for this guy. If you must divorce, then divorce and don't date anyone for a while. If this guy is still around, then fine.
Maybe you don't get along with your husband because you are so caught up in fantasies of this guy (fantasies are perfect) and then you look at your husband and resent him for his flaws. Stop it.
2007-01-04 14:05:32 · answer #6 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wife, love your husband and be content with the man of your life. Search your heart and try to look back, what do you see in your past? Is the saying " HISTORY REPEATS ITSLELF' found to be true? Couples tend to get into troubles but that doesn't justify your ways of putting him aside and grab this 'NICE FRIEND' of yours. Instead change your ways in dealing with your relationships. by trying to work it out and by not replacing your partner. Sorry to say, but you need to check your motives. There's no greater joy than living a life of unselfish love. Will you be happy if deep inside , you know that someone's gonna get hurt once you turned your back on your husband?
2007-01-04 14:23:38 · answer #7 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice is this... Talk to hubby and make him aware of what's happening and how you're feeling about all issues going on. Don't stay in for the children !! They will always have their dad because you know how important they are to each other and you would do nothing to hurt them... right !! So, don't let that be an issue! If the 2 of you decide it would be best to split then do so. I do ask that you make sure you are completely out of one relationship before diving into another !!
2007-01-04 14:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, get up an leave. No one and especially a child deserves to be unhappy! It sounds like your husband isn't very respectful or family oriented, if his kids were his life then he'd be around more often. If you don't love your husband anymore and love your friend then definately leave. The kids will pick up on your unhappiness!
2007-01-04 14:13:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your not happy, more then likely neither is your husband, and if you only see him 30min a week...then Im sorry to say but he has probably already moved on. If he isn't getting it from you he is getting it somewhere. Your best move is to leave now, before you get hurt, or more miserable.
2007-01-04 14:04:02 · answer #10 · answered by LivingMyLife 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋